Vague
'Would it be okay talking with you, for
feeling alright?'
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Desires, nightmares dead. While counting all of imaginations, Big Bash 13 knocks on the door. No one has ever spoken in that way where proportion equals its value. When it comes to quality, the date expired. It was no one's cup of tea to go downstairs and open the the door to welcome for great entrance. It was a gutt fitting on leg. Ahead of it, behind nothing.
_____________________
"I saw them together hanging around, holding hands."
Still knows, how it means trillion feelings behind curse. Mark Steketee, already got changed by his team, Brisbane Heat. Transferred to Melbourne Star. He didn't want to, even he'll get busier with Prime Minister's XI. He still feels the pain with that line covered him up. He can see bruises on his legs but still walking, walking for an unknown destination. He can't tell anyone how it feels deeper inside, just let's him moves apart when his mind didn't. He can't see his reflection now. He only can feel his pain reflecting a vague face as he can't recognise himself.
Days down, still the same. He all time faces himself even after a busy day. Only he having himself around and millions questions arising from beneath. Couldn't settle his damage heart. He tried, tried so hard.
Months after,
"I know you broke up." He told to Christian the day some months before BBL. Christian shows no interest. Why would even he react or give feedback after his breakup? He looks normal that doesn't mean it didn't hurt- Steketee thought as he faced some eyes on him. "So?" Christian says with no react same as Steketee thought. Steketee sets back and flashes back somewhere-
- So I don't know exactly that they broke up or not. I heard as a passerby.
- Yeah. But I guess it is sure they broke up
- No, Stek. It can also be happened that they've faced misunderstanding and they're trying to fix it
- What can I do? Jump between them, Jimmy?
- Nope
- Then?
- Go and tell everything you felt about him.
- Already did
- Then go again
- You know, Jim. That is impossible
- Not for my best friend.
- Jim-
- Please, Stek. For the last time.
Peirson knows Steketee can't let his request down. He thought for some times.
He can't handle his feelings for dieing inside. He has no mercy for his undying feelings. He has no sympathy for himself. Maybe someone will shot a bullet to tear his all bones off, there will be Steketee standing middle of the path, smiling and taking each pains. It's been so normal, a new normal for him. He is done dying many times.
He doesn't know what to answer it or how to react even much better. Company? Consolation? Sympathy? Show-off?--- not a chance. He thinks deeply as he was quiet for minutes. Looking, Christian sips his champagne while glancing at his uneasiness. How can even one drink Champagne? So much cold around. "Ahm- I was just asking. Are you alright?" Steketee finally pulls something out of his cold mouth, asked softly. Christian chuckles from one corner and puts his glass down. "Any doubt?" He rather answers annoyingly. Doubt? Nah- would you rather pull back or fight back through the entireness you once gave me? I can't ask you the things I should have, you already showed things to throw questions. I did. I will be doing till you settle back. Steketee thought. A bit silence between each with trillion emotions and barriers.
'Peirson told me to go. And I'm going.'
Steketee thought after coming back home. He came to know how and any things work in that way. He never asked for. He wanted to get damaged when he was dying inside. God shows no sympathy. Christian once moved on with Mozzie. Which wasn't a good news to him. Since then he tried to forget him even if he couldn't. He never asked why. He still can feel those words infront of mirror- Look at you. He still feels those words are hunting inside. Still he isn't fit. Maybe he can stand, he got surprised.
Steketee leans down to recite Christian's face. He senses he wants to tell him lots of lines. In that moment, he just extended a helping hand. "Are you sure, you're not lying?" He asks, "Why you're so confusing, Christian?" Christian gives a look as he can surely say, Steketee reads him out fully, perfectly. The vague feeling, cold hunting enormously- made the combination of sorrowful nightmares. People often fears staring at mirror in the middle of the night. Steketee smiles sadly and says while holding his face down, "You made a vague sight out of the mirror, I couldn't see my face to watch myself. I wiped it, I saw you." Christian looks straightly at him, who's still looking down. Hasn't contacted his eyes. "I saw you in my sight. One told me once to look at myself, the vagueness averted. I splashed some water too, it didn't erase. I glanced at you, I know trillion tears." He continues talking as some tears continues to falling. Christian got it deeply and hold his breath under throat, made a strong face out that showed nothing happened, he just wanted to talk. That's all it. "So- ahm, I know it seems a bit difficult to get out of things, especially ahm- a Breakup. You know, I thought you two were too good to live forever. But-" "Enough," Christian finally says something out of his mouth, "Enough. I haven't come here to talk about it." He stopped Steketee and he agreed, maybe he shouldn't. "No, I mean, you're not okay. You told me. You're with that reason you told me before coming here and got us together." Steketee says.
"Christian's message?" Steketee says when one notification popped up. He instantly turned his WhatsApp on and seen it.
- Can I have some of your time?
He writes with a trembling hand
- Yeah why not?
His heart pumped up when he saw Christian is typing...
- Can we go out?
- Yeah yeah sure. For a coffee?
- Hm
But Steketee doubts why or WHAT! WITH HIM?
- But why so, I mean Yeah but any special reason?
- Hm actually I want
- You want what?
- Would you mind?
- Never
- Would be alright?
- What?
- Talking with you.
- About what? Why?
- For feeling alright?
And what?! He's not okay? Steketee thought. without any seconds he wrote-
- Sure
"Hm. I'm not. I can't BE alright. Months ago we faced it, like it was totally insane and inappropriate how it's done then. I don't know. I even cannot imagine. I'm still dreaming, I guess-" Christian is looking up and his eyes got heavy with tears- "I guess I was wrong, Stek. I was wrong to take a step. It was totally my fault."
'Don't become a mad, Stek. I'm in a relationship with Mozzie. And I know things are not getting better with me. But you know what, he is far, again far better that you are, than you've been with ME. It was not a choice time between you and him. I went for him because I feel, I feel something special, I don't know what to name it. I can't explain. Just you're not him, remember. That's it.' Steketee suddenly remembers lines that Christian said.
"And I'm sorry for that, Stek. I'm really very sorry. I didn't mean it. Can, can y-you please Forgive m-meh?" Christian requests with teary eyes. How can he even express, he was going to propose Mozzie with a ring he bought. How can he say, Mozzie ended up with him before he can show anything. Nothing is left with him.
Steketee says nothing. He wipes his eyes and continues, "He didn't make up with his wife. Didn't find scope. Don't think I come here because I had no choice. I come here months after, after I got fine by myself, after I let all those go because I feel something for you, Stek. Something, something different. Trust me and- and please give me a chance." Steketee slowly meets his eyes and can perfectly saw his reflection on his eyes. Not because Christian and Mozzie broke up. But because Christian realised who was better, who was FAR better.
Steketee extends his hand and holds Christian's palms to show support. He dimly says, "You were right, Christian, I am not Mozzie." Christian looks at him and Steketee nodes. "Not him to hurt you." Christian gives a sad smile, as Steketee can see the perfect pain on his face. Steketee tries to clear him out, "But you told me after getting all okay you come here, but in message-" "Hm. I somehow realised Stek, I made a mistake. I should have paid. I come here to pay. But-" the tears again come- "But [Sighs] Do you- S-still Love me, Stek? Hm." He finally says. Steketee also smiles with wet eyes. Who's gonna see whose reflection now? "Of course I do." Steketee confirms as Christian jumps off his seat and holds Steketee so tightly that's he's never gonna let him go away. Steketee holds him too and kissed his forhead, looks at sky, the vague view somehow gone when he meets with the moonlight, reflecting its aumor to them.
.....