When I reached the pub, the party was full on, and everyone enjoying themselves. I greeted whoever I came across, took my drink, and started observing the crowd. As expected, the party was screaming my richness, wondering whether I should be happy by seeing this or feel bad. My parents didn't take a minute to wish me a happy birthday.
I was the center of attention. Girls were carving for my attention and started throwing themselves. Polite rejection was not working, but my friends were helpful in getting rid of them and trying their chances. I was sipping beer and once again scrutinizing the crowd. My friends were on the dance floor, each already paired with a girl. The party was full-on. Why the hell did this lonely feeling start showcasing itself beyond my reach? I was surrounded by so many people. I don't know many of them, but how on earth can I feel this way?
What the hell was my problem? My dad was a billionaire, pouring money to show his richness. Why the fuck can't I enjoy it like a typical teenager? What was my fucking problem? Why the hell do I overthink things? It's my fucking chance that many are approaching me. Why can't I just lose my virginity? I turned bloody 17; can't I just do it with someone?
Why the hell do I want things that I can't get? No matter how much yarn for. Can't I move on with my life, mind my own business, live life as it was, enjoy the present, be a bloody CEO, and enjoy even more?
The path is very clear. Why can't I just embrace it? Simple: everything settles within me. I can plunk this unwanted yearning permanently and try to be happy. Only my parents' love and my siblings' bonding were not happiness, right? There are so many things I can do with the help of money; I can just go with the flow, like my sister.
Once again, overthinking can't always be drifting to my own little world trying to find answers. I end up getting frustrated, concluding that part of my life looks 'empty' with having everything a complete emptiness, needing so much, wanting so much, and yearning for so much. I needed to give a break to these thoughts, and the best way was by drifting to sleep. I didn't waste any time in this pub and made my way towards home. No one was going to give a dam about my disappearance.
After reaching home, I checked my sister's room; it was empty, and she didn't bother to wish me. I bet she doesn't even remember as well. I was lying on my bed plugging earbuds, and loud music was enough distraction from my thoughts.
It was semester break, and I would get a good result for sure but would never reach my father's expectations.
Today I was happy we were having a family dinner after a very long time; it's like a decade. The end result of this family gathering would be throwing taunts at me, who would end up nodding rather than arguing and provoking him.
"You should improve more, especially in business and languages. It's you who are going to manage God Dam Company, and you are not giving the expected result, not even any sign of improvement. We are providing everything that you need. I need you to be perfect. Was it too much? Can't I expect that much from your end?" My father's words while having dinner, whether he was making a disgusting or annoyed face, I was not able to make out.
I was not only able to reach his expectations through results, but I also couldn't reach his expectations through words; whatever I said would never satisfy him. "Dad, I will try my best." I guess this just provoked him: "Not trying; never use the word 'try'; you should be perfect no matter what; I need more effort from your end we have accepted, as you are what more you need.", "Ok, I will be perfect, I mean it." By grunting, he continued having his meal. This would be our usual dinner conversation, reminding me of 'acceptance' and to be 'Dam perfect'.
What more needs to be done to make him happy? "Honey, please, we need to catch the flight. Don't stress yourself; you have enough on your plate. If he proves himself, he will become 'CEO', or else he will be a normal employee. His faith, we can't change anything; let's not waste our time." That was my mom's way of soothing Dad, irrespective of my presence.
The only people who were close to me other than Mrs. Sandra were my grandparents. They loved me so much that it even deepened after seeing my parents' change of behavior towards me. Bits of advice given by my grandparents were thrown in the garbage. They stopped visiting us; whenever it was possible, I visited them, but two years ago, they both died in a car accident. It was a tragic incident, and the incident was spiced up even more when my mom didn't shed a tear; it was her parents' how the hell was even possible? Can anyone be this cold-hearted? She was busy organizing a funeral in a more elegant way by flaunting her richness. I was shocked by her behavior and started to wonder if my waiting was worth it. Will they ever change? Their own parents' deaths didn't bring any changes; would me being a perfect son bring any changes, like, really?
Irrespective of the semester break, we needed to practice football. I was captain, and after finishing practice, we were at a restaurant to chill out. My friends were busy making out and flirting with girls. I would rarely provide my input but would listen up to some point, or else I would drift to my own world, and they wouldn't bother to bring me back to reality. As usual, I made the payment, bid goodbye, and we parted ways.
After reaching my home, I saw my sister. Looking at her makeover, I could guess she was going to some party to satisfy my curiosity. I couldn't help but ask her, "Hey, where are you going?" "Please don't tell me I should report my daily routine to you." "No, no, I was just curious." "To a party." I was about to ask, could I join her? But she was long gone. I sighed without any choice and made my way towards my room.
My house, my room, and my life were empty. As usual, my dad was on a business trip, and my mom was accompanying him. Why the hell did she need to accompany him on every trip? Can't she take a goddam break once in a while? My sister God knows where she is going and what she is doing. They are fucking providing everything but lacking emotional attachment. Why the hell are they ignoring us? I am trying my best to impress them, like it's going to take forever, no matter what, and they are not pleased by my achievement. I want to be the best only for them, no one else, so much they lined up in my daily routine barely finding time for myself, no dating, no one nightstand, rare parties back-to-back reminder to be perfect made me forget everything, scared like hell to take any step and to explore. Damn, I hate my fucking life.