4 years ago he remembered
" I thought if I became successful then you will love me, if I am able to give you everything then you would appreciate me, if I will be able to keep you happy then you'll adore me. A mother's love is what I always wanted from you nothing more, just call me your son with affection just once. Mom please be concerned about me, talk to me about my problems because there's a lot going through my mind and I want someone to talk to" he watched what he type and was about to send but he stop, this was when he had thousands of people's opinions on his mind when they had been in the industry for a year, he bottled it in and slowly it consumed him
"for the first time you called me son with so much concern but sadly it's not real and I know that but the only part of the video that put a smile on my face is that part that you show concern about me. I never thought I would see that day ever
maybe just maybe my mom cares about me is all I am thinking about .... i have got issues I am not well!!!" He screamed
he was already in turmoil and on the verge of the line
The news about him continued and some people were wishing death for him
"Have they always wanted to say this? Their mind wanted this for me. How could they listen to only one side and pass their judgement? Am I really not deserving of listening to? How am I the cruel one when they did all of that to me, when they gave me a past.
I have a past and my past is painful please don't judge me and increase my anxiety to death and when I am no more show me love like I was everyone's favorite, say things that they would have never said when I am alive and pretending to know my pain and acting as if they knew me best" he said after listening to the news and the comments
His agency called him concerning them removing him from the team
"Why are you surprised? You wanted out and now you have it. You can disappear and no one will remember you, you can now have the rest and peace you wanted" he thought as he couldn't say anything and they hung up
"But it's not as easy as you think Aidan, will the people ever forget, will they leave you alone after leaving the spotlight? Remember they say the internet never forgets, sooner or later you will be used as a reference point and most importantly will your parents let you breath" his mind said
"tell me what I should do, I am tired. Do I really have no escape?!!!!"
Lena heard about the rumors of the agency decision to remove him,she went to his home again
"Please let me find him there" she prayed and she came at the right time
"Then I am going to disappear as if I never existed" he said
"Why do you have to live your life in fear, scared, lonely and care a lot about other's opinion?" His subconscious mind asked
"You think I haven't tried and failed!! Some words cuts, congratulations to those who are able to dress their cuts and to those who don't get cut…. Don't call me weak I was strong too but I was broken even before I could get stronger and they made sure I never got up
Sympathize with me, don't judge me I admit I listen and it hurt me. If you're being truthful even the hardest of the strongest have had tears in their eyes at some point but what makes them different is their ability to go past it and fight and win and I admire that about them and I also want to fight but some of us needs someone to hold us up when we fall, encourage us when we're down and fight with us but that person is hard to find. I saw love and it looks like it found me undeserving so I saw it walk away from me, will anyone really stay, will I even find someone who will be my eternal so many questions. it's been hard, so many tears and pain so tired of fighting my fears and facing my darkest nightmares alone and maybe this time I really want to fall off and sleep forever…I got a trauma that will never go away no matter how much I try." He said