Nothingness - This all I can see
{What am I
Who am I
Where am I
I Don't know! , I Just don't know the answers to any of these questions? }
[All I can see is Blankness, A blankness that is
Colorless, Materialess and Meaningless]
[Perhaps, Do I even exist?
No, What a silly question? Of course I don't exist]
[But, Why can't I exist?
Well, it's not like any one is going to answer]
[After all, Even I don't know how can I think and
have awareness. But what I do know is that I want to exist. Just like in those dreams I always have]
[Dreams - The Blank Visualization
This is how I came to understand them as.]
[Because this are the ones that always make me
look forward to every moment in blankness]
{Ah! I wish I could be those 'Dreams' themselves}
[Although this is a futile desire stemming
unnecessarily in my non-existence]
{After all, I am Void}
[A Void that doesn't & shouldn't exist.
If I exist how can I even be called void]
[For some reason, I want to cry!
Why you ask?
Simple - Why did I even gain sentience in the first place.
Why didn't I just stay as the void I am. ]
[Because of having awareness, I was bestowed with an inevitable & unending despair & suffering]
[The thoughts I can process are only at consensus
Level , After all I am only at Manifestation stage]
[So basically, I can't feel any emotionality yet.
To that I need to be an incarnation]
[As for the so called despair & suffering or any other emotional lines, Well they are nothing more than my thoughts that formulated into fake emotionality]
[I always have thoughts of being sentinental is the worst thing possible, Making me have negative thoughts because of unattainability]
[From the moment I started having blank - visualization. I slowly started formulating unrealistic thought process of fake emotionality.
And at one point I learned of existence in of those
Dreams. Making me yearn to learn all sorts of things]
[But the more I learn, the more i was saddened,
To the point of questioning myself. And the more I visualized - the more my Manifesto went into disorder]
[Though, in this Monochromness my Blank visualization or Dreams are still continuing without my constant! Until... ]
[Till this moment - Where I had a dream of seeing something called colour. Something other than than the pitch blankness/blackness I always visualize even when dreaming. It's called Whiteness, A white state where I could draw myriad of colours and possibilities]
[IT'S so interesting & fun, Being able to visualize colours makes me feel like I exist , No I want to attain those myriad possibilities and exist
no matter what! ]
[Even though I know it's a foolish thought, Hehe in the end - all my fake aspiring will be reduced to ridiculousness]
[Because that's what I am, A void that will lose itself if it isn't null]
{I truly desire & wish that I could grasp the illumination ~ The Shimmering Whiteness.
I hope I can at least at one point dive into those
Absurd realities and play with the fabric of originality itself}.