Nothingness - This all I can see

{What am I

 Who am I

 Where am I

I Don't know! , I Just don't know the answers to any of these questions? }

[All I can see is Blankness, A blankness that is

Colorless, Materialess and Meaningless]

[Perhaps, Do I even exist? 

 No, What a silly question? Of course I don't exist]

[But, Why can't I exist? 

 Well, it's not like any one is going to answer]

[After all, Even I don't know how can I think and

have awareness. But what I do know is that I want to exist. Just like in those dreams I always have]

[Dreams - The Blank Visualization

 This is how I came to understand them as.]

[Because this are the ones that always make me

 look forward to every moment in blankness]

{Ah! I wish I could be those 'Dreams' themselves}

[Although this is a futile desire stemming

 unnecessarily in my non-existence]

 {After all, I am Void}

[A Void that doesn't & shouldn't exist. 

 If I exist how can I even be called void]

[For some reason, I want to cry! 

 Why you ask? 

 Simple - Why did I even gain sentience in the first place. 

 Why didn't I just stay as the void I am. ]

[Because of having awareness, I was bestowed with an inevitable & unending despair & suffering]

[The thoughts I can process are only at consensus

 Level , After all I am only at Manifestation stage]

[So basically, I can't feel any emotionality yet. 

 To that I need to be an incarnation]

[As for the so called despair & suffering or any other emotional lines, Well they are nothing more than my thoughts that formulated into fake emotionality]

[I always have thoughts of being sentinental is the worst thing possible, Making me have negative thoughts because of unattainability]

[From the moment I started having blank - visualization. I slowly started formulating unrealistic thought process of fake emotionality. 

And at one point I learned of existence in of those

Dreams. Making me yearn to learn all sorts of things]

[But the more I learn, the more i was saddened, 

 To the point of questioning myself. And the more I visualized - the more my Manifesto went into disorder]

[Though, in this Monochromness my Blank visualization or Dreams are still continuing without my constant! Until... ]

[Till this moment - Where I had a dream of seeing something called colour. Something other than than the pitch blankness/blackness I always visualize even when dreaming. It's called Whiteness, A white state where I could draw myriad of colours and possibilities]

[IT'S so interesting & fun, Being able to visualize colours makes me feel like I exist , No I want to attain those myriad possibilities and exist

no matter what! ]

[Even though I know it's a foolish thought, Hehe in the end - all my fake aspiring will be reduced to ridiculousness]

[Because that's what I am, A void that will lose itself if it isn't null]

{I truly desire & wish that I could grasp the illumination ~ The Shimmering Whiteness. 

I hope I can at least at one point dive into those

Absurd realities and play with the fabric of originality itself}.