Chereads / Trinity: Ruina / Chapter 21 - Hidden Feelings

Chapter 21 - Hidden Feelings

Asuka and Amelia arrived at the rotting house, Asuka reminded the girl of their impending shopping spree the next day. Amelia excitedly said that she remembered and would be ready by noon. Amelia had offered to fix Asuka's torn clothes so she took the clothes from her and parted they ways.

On the way back, Annie began to speak to her in Asuka's mind.

"Hey Asuka, remember earlier when I said I had some thing to tell you?"

"Uh, I think so. What is it you wanted to talk about?"

"Remember how your anima was being siphoned away? I think I know what might be the cause of that."

"Really? Well don't stop now. Tell me what you think."

"The rate at which your anima was being absorbed was very slow. To the point you didn't even notice it happening.This must mean that either the cause of it was standing very far away."

"Yeah that makes sense. But, it couldn't have been that guy. If that was the case, he would've been doing so throughout our fight."

"Exactly. That means there was another source."

"But I didn't sense anyone else in the area."

"Yeah. That's because the source isn't a human."

Asuka tilted her head, confused by Annie's words. Then she realized what Annie was insinuating.

"You saying a demon is invloved."

"Yeah. Pretty much. And you know what else that means?"

Asuka stopped in her tracks and began to clench her fists so hard the knuckles white.

"Yeah. That a human was working with a demon. Possibly many more. Right?"

An uncomfortable silence fell between them before Annie finally replied.

"Yes."

At those words, Asuka tightened all the muscles in her body trying to quell her anger.

"I...I can't believe this. Humans...with demons...how...why?"

Annie had a concerned look on her face. She knew that Asuka was having a hard time accepting this revelation. But she also knew that she would have to overcome those feelings and make her keep pushing forward.

"I know it must be hard for you to take this all in right now Asuka, but you can't get distracted. For now, get to your motel and get some rest. Getting upset won't solve anything. We'll figure how to handle this another time."

Asuka took breaths and relaxed her body, calming her anger.

"You're right. I've got a bright coming tomorrow. I won't let some rotten people spoil my mood," thought the girl despite the look on her face, "You think we should tell Mr. Baldwin About this?"

"You really think he'll be of any use. He would probably tell us to deal with ourselves or if we're 'too scared', Annie thought in a mocking tone, "wait till Ichigo comes back. But by then, more people might get kidnapped."

"Yeah, you're probably right. We'll just have to deal with ourselves."

"Then it's settled."

With that, Asuka rushed to the motel to get a good night's rest.

~

The morning had arrived and Asuka was sitting on the ground holding two shirts unsure of what to wear for her day with Amelia.

"Hey Annie, what do you think? Should I wear this short sleeved yellow shirt or this or this long sleeved brown one," she asked aloud.

"Don't care. Wear whatever you want. I highly doubt Amelia cares what you wear."

"But I want to at the very least show her that I cared enough to put some kind of effort in my outfit."

Annie rolled her eyes hearing Asuka's desperate call for help.

"It's way too early anyway. You can figure it out later. This would actually be the perfect time to give you some pointers on controlling your contra."

Asuka groaned at Annie's words in annoyance. But she knew she was right.

There was still at the very least five hours before Asuka is supposed to meet up with Amelia. She could be making better use of her time.

"Fiiiiiiiine. But you'd better teach me some actual useful stuff. Got it."

Annie sarcastically bowed to Asuka.

"Yes my master. I will follow any command you give me," she childishly said.

Asuka rolled her eyes at Annie's whit and dropped the shirts and crossed her.

"Okay so what's the first thing I gotta know?"

"As you already know, contra and anima oppose one another. While anima requires you to be in a calm and relaxed state of mind, contra on the other is easier to control while feeling extreme negative emotions.

Remember yesterday when you got angry when Annie was telling you about her past."

Asuka nodded.

"Then you should also remember how your contra flared up and started to flow out of you. Extreme negative emotion for any young and inexperienced demon is the only way to gain access and control their contra. You'll rely less and less on it as your level of mastery increases. But, it's important to remember that even though you're in an emotional state, you still need to have some level of composure and finesse to properly control it. This is especially so when your in this realm."

Asuka's eyebrows raised at the last part of Annie's statement.

"This realm? What do you mean by that?"

"He hasn't even told you this much? And he calls himself a teacher."

"Just answer the question," said an annoyed Asuka.

Annie sighed at Asuka's impatience.

"This realm where humans live is known as the 'Lapsus' realm. The demons live in a separate realm known as 'Tenebri'. Both of these realm have differing qualities which will be explained another time. Aeon's on the other hand are a little different."

"How so?"

"Aeon's are beings that exist on a higher plane than that of humans and demons, though demons used to be rivals to the aeons eons ago. The realm they reside is known as 'Caelestis'."

"Woah, 'exist on a higher plane'? And demons used to rival aeons? What does any of that even mean?"

Annie now fed up with all of Asuka's questioning groaned in annoyance.

"All stories for another time Asuka. Now quit getting side tracked and try to control your contra."

"Fine, Fine."

Asuka then began to meditate on the ground. She sat like that for a couple minutes with absolutely no results. Asuka groaned aloud after thirty minutes of meditation and flopped to the ground on her back, spreading her arms and legs.

"Why is this so hard," she whined, "I'm usually great at picking up stuff like this."

"I told you didn't I? You need to get emotional."

"Well I cant just force myself to 'get emotional'. That's not how that kind of thing works. You can't just turn on your emotions."

Annie just rolled her eyes and Asuka's excuses.

"Well your going to have to learn to do so. Demons are able to do it seamlessly. And seeing as you are part demon, you should be able to do so as well."

"Well, I guess that I'm just not cut out for it. Anima control was so much easier to master than this."

Annie for a couple seconds didn't do anything but sit in the inner world. She then began rub her temple and sighed very deeply. Then, An idea popped into her head.

"Okay. How about this? Try to remember moments where you felt sad, angry or any other emotion like that. And I'm not talking about like when you lost a sparring match or something a petty as that."

Almost immediately, an unwell feeling loomed in Asuka's stomach. In her mind, the only time her elder sister had shown any sign of weakness and vulnerability flashed into her mind. Just remembering the pleas she let out in her sleep, her body shivering despite being bathed in sweat and the tears she shed were all welded into Asuka's mind. She unconsciously clenched her fists and pursed her lips. Asuka remembered that night in very excruciating detail. Everytime she did, an overwhelming feeling of helplessness corroded her mind. The inability to do anything about whatever darkness was festering in her sisters mind made her heart ache.

But there was something else. Something else festering in a deep hidden, corner of her heart. A feeling that she wasn't even aware she was capable of feeling. Something that until now she would have laughed at the notion of even possessing such a feeling. And yet there it was, like a gladiator who's itching to enter the colosseum, waiting to be let loose and destroy anything in it's path. And now, it has been brought forth in order to access a power that would aid Asuka in her pursuit of greater strength.

Unbridled hatred.

In that moment, a dark aura began to circle around Asuka. Black markings also began to grow on her body, a horn grew on the right side of her forehead and her right eyes sclera turned black with the iris forming a crescent shape keeping its crimson color.

Annie didn't say anything. Or more accurately, couldn't say anything.

"Talk about malice. Whatever it is she thought of really must have pissed her off. I've never seen her like this. But it doesn't look like she's lost control yet. So she's using her her knowledge on how to manipulate anima to hold her contra around her eh? I didn't even have to tell her anything."

She smirked seeing the girl's fast progress.

"She truly is the embodiment of a genius."

"Alright Asuka. That's enough. You've done well."

Asuka closed her eyes and relaxed her body. Taking a deep breath, her contra slowly receeded into her body. The black markings disappeared, the horn retracted into her skull and her eye returned to normal.

"Congratulations. You've performed the first step when it comes to mastering your contra."

Asuka before responding was looking down at the floor. The expression she wore was something that perplexed Annie. She had just unlocked a new power which more than excited. Yet she still had that kind of look on her face. The girl then lifted her shaking hands and began to stare intently at her palms.

"T...that wasn't me....r...right Annie? T...there's no way I...I never knew that I was even..."

"Woah Asuka. Slow down. What's wrong? I thought you would've been jumping off the walls about this."

"I just...I never knew that...I was so..."

Annie raised an eyebrow at Asuka's words. 

"I guess it was a little surprising. But to have shaken her up this much."

"I'm supposed to set an example. To be the example. I'm supposed to be the who brings peace to our world. And yet..."

Annie couldn't help but sigh in disappointment.

"Really? That's it? Look it's natural for someone to have some hateful thou.."

"No! Y...you don't understand," Asuka interrupted, "...i...it's not just the hatred. When contra started to flow through my body...it's like it was speaking to me. Telling me that I had every right to feel hatred. Encouraging me to give in...to lose control."

"Well, that's something to be expected."

"That's not the problem," Asuka exclaimed.

She then grabbed her elbow's as her whole body began to tremble. Tears began to well up in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away. Annie began to look genuinely concerned for the having never seen her in such a state.

"I...it's that...I was about to give in. The power...it felt so comforting...so warm...I was beginning to slip...I was going to lose myself."

"Asuka...it's okay. Everyone gives into temptation every once in a while. After all, you are only human," she said trying to comfort the girl.

"But I'm supposed to be more. If I am to bring peace, I have to be peace."

Annie groaned at Asuka's works.

"You really are an arrogant child. What makes you think your any different from other people? That your supposed to be 'more'."

"You don't understand it Annie. This is what I am. Who I am supposed to be. If I am not peace personified, who will ever follow me on my journey to spread it across the world. I'd be nothing more than a hypocrite if I am anything else."

Annie rubbed her head realizing that it was pointless to try to convince her.

"Alright, whatever. How about you put your mind on your day with Amelia. We'll continue trying another day."

"Y...yeah...sure."

Asuka then got up from the floor and got into her. She tried to distract herself from what had just happened but no matter what she couldn't shake the feeling that if she ever gets pushed far enough, she won't be able to save herself.