As we enter the room, I see its sprawling interior spread out before me. In the far back of the room, I see a figure. It's that of a woman of about twenty. Her voice cuts through the nervous silence, "Breaking and entering, huh?" Her full body comes into view. She has flowing white hair and light brown skin, as well as a kimono, a cube patterned haori, and extremely exaggerated breasts. I can tell that this isn't an anime, because if it was, that would be the first thing to come I noticed. Shinimaru speaks, " Come with us, and together, we'll take down Anemi Kaminari!"
She laughs shrilly. " If you can beat me, gladly. I've been bored lately." Shinimaru ignites a flame in his palm, " Dramatic anime line." He bursts forward and launches a volley of fireballs, Oiran dodges them with relative ease, and summons…Socks? The socks rush forth through the air, and latch themselves onto Shinimaru. He laughs.
"What's this gonna do-" The socks explode, sending Shinimaru flying backward into a wall. I charge forward unsteadily. What am I thinking?! If he can't beat her, I certainly can't! I attempt to split my sword, but then freeze.
…but if it's in front of an attractive woman, it'll go to them and kill you…
Wriggling out from my grip, the sword rushes towards Oiran, who grabs it gratefully. "Twice? TWICE?!" I run back towards the door as fast as possible, but my legs are slashed by sword shards, causing me to fall flat on my face. Shinimaru takes this moment to nail Oiran with a flaming kick to the head, slamming her into the floor. She jumps back up, aggravated, and summons a circle of socks around her, before sending them veering forward like a missile strike. Shinmaru weaves through the attack, and appears in front of her with a flaming fist. Oiran wraps her fist with socks, and their hands collide, creating a green explosion. The sheer force blows me back, slamming me into the back wall. I decide to simply sneak out while they fight. I'm not trying to die.
I had been waiting outside, listening to them go at it for a while. After about an hour though, Shinimaru came walking out of the mansion, dragging an unconscious Oiran. I clap quietly. "Yay."
We walk back to our room, changing out of our tattered clothes, before descending to the dining hall on the main floor. We get our food, and wait nervously for Oiran to wake up. Scarfing down my dragon soup, I slur out a few mangled words "Sho what'sh ja plan?" Shinimaru slaps me, causing soup to spray everywhere. "Obviously we continue towards Anemi." I nod, and go back to eating-
I feel a sharp, sudden pain strike the back of my head, and turn around to see Oiran looming above, glowering. " What was that for?!" She ignores me, and walks over to the buffet, grabbing a plate full of cakes. She sits down and begins eating them savagely. After finishing, she holds out her plate to me. "Give me more."
"W-why-
"More!"
I stand up reluctantly, grab her plate, and walk toward the buffet. She would kill me if I didn't. Sitting back down, I slide her the plate. I burry my head in my arms, and mutter under my breath, " She's a delight."
" I can hear you!"
"Sorry."
After grabbing our stuff from the room, we headed back to the road. It had been a lot less deadly than the last trek, with the worms and beetle foxes. After a while though, we came upon a large forest. As we walk, I remember something. "So what even is a Twitch? You said that green flame shit was called that or something." Shinimaru starts to talk, only to be cut off by Oiran. "Twitches are a manifestation of what makes you truly happy. For me, I like buying clothes, so I can kill people with them now." I nod, and then become mortified. "Wait…then what did that cat girl like to do…?" Oiran shudders. "Becky? Egregious acts of sexual violence." I turn to Shinimaru, doing my best to shake that off. "Then what about you?"
"Arson."
"Arson?"
"Arson."
"Okay... Oh! By the way, if your flames are poisonous, how come I didn't collapse after you set me on fire in the mansion?" Shinimaru nods, before responding, "I can regulate the amount of poison in my flames." So the way this is all unraveling in my mind, is that these "Twitches" are the key to surviving in this fucking hellscape. " So how can I unlock my Twitch?" Oiran responds, "By finding what makes you truly happy." I nod. So what is it that makes me happy? Eating? TV?
" Hmm…" Shinimaru stops me, seeming to read my mind. "You can't force unlocking a Twitch. Let it unlock you- no, uh…let it find you…? FUCK."
We set up camp after night falls, and I'm assigned to go get food to eat for dinner. I walk through the forest with my sword outstretched. I'm covered in a cold sweat. " Of all the people to choose to hunt...Why me…"
I hear a rustling in the bushes next to me, causing me to fucking fall over from shock. I stand back up, trembling, head on a nervous swivel. " Please don't be a hot girl, please don't be a hot girl-" A singular wolf comes bolting toward me through the bushes. I scream at a pitch only belonging to a six year old girl. I turn tail and sprint backwards, and scramble up a tree. Soon, the trunk is surrounded by wolves. Doing my best to focus, calm down, and split my sword. Shards rush down the trunk, whizzing through the air, and kill… none of the wolves. They grab the shards in their mouths, and start to climb up the tree. I scream louder, and try to call back the shards, but their grip is far too strong. I had nearly resigned myself to death when a surge of green flame washes across the ground. The wolves writhe in pain, screeching and howling, before falling dead on the forest floor. Walking into view, disappointed expression on his face, is Shinimaru. He rubs his temples in frustration. "You're…VERY incompetent. " I laugh feebly. " I can't get down."
Sitting around the fire, we wait for the wolves to cook. Oiran eyes the loaf conspicuously, before speaking,. " This isn't the sacred loaf of Animereconanimakstanbriggothegoatchadladpirates." Shinimaru flinches. " W-what?"
" Yeah," She says. "this is just regular bread."
Shinimaru lights a flame in his hand and stares at me coldly. I shrug. " We're already this far in.
Lets just find the real bread, and then take down Anemi." Shrugging, he puts out his flame. " Aight."
I fall asleep quickly after eating my roasted wolf. I was having a dream about octopi slithering all over me, and sucking the life force out of my body.
Good dream.
I wake up to a jostle, my head jerking upward. The area I see around me is vastly different then where I had fallen asleep. I'm in a small clearing surrounded by trees. It's still night though. Suddenly, I hear loud booming noise like huge footsteps. I recoil, yelping out a pitiful cry. They get closer and closer until a huge dragon comes crawling through the brush. It must've taken me from the group! Without warning, it sends a beam of blue flame in my direction. I dodge narrowly, the flames burning my haori, and incinerating the foliage behind me. I try to grab my sword, but it's not there. Shit! I left it next to the fire. Another blast of flame. I scramble behind a tree, and watch as the entire clearing is set ablaze. I panic. My thoughts are frantic, all I can think of are the good times of selling hentai, and sometimes reading them myself-
Hentai.
HENTAI!!!!
Red electricity sparks across my body, as I slowly begin to rise. The dragon turns to me, suddenly mortified. Behind me is a twenty nine foot tall, busty woman wearing an anime schoolgirl outfit. She yells something obscure in Japanese- before raising her hand, slamming it down into the ground, calling upon an arcing red lighting bolt that strikes down the dragon with ease. " Hentai…IS WHAT MAKES ME TRULY HAPPY!!"
I continue towards a pillar of smoke that I assume is our campfire, obliterating anything in my path. I've named it Erotic Eminence, my Twitch, that is. After testing it on a variety of monsters, I've dissected its power. It lets me manifest an enormous anime girl that can summon red lighting. I can also manipulate this lightning, as well as form it into other, smaller anime girls that can also use the lighting, but as a plus side, can explode. I grin, brimming with glee as I electrocute a beetle fox. " I'm not gonna be a liability anymore!"
I form a lighting sword, and cut through a pack of velociraptors.
Something catches my eye though. Across the field before me, I notice a figure, before an explosion sounds in front of them. It must be Oiran. I run towards the explosion, and it is in fact Oiran...but there is someone else there. Fighting her. It's a feminine figure, wearing a techwear jacket and a skirt-
She disappears.
Then reappears.
Is she teleporting?! I rush towards them, activating Erotic Eminence, but the girl appears suddenly behind me, chopping me in the neck, temporarily paralyzing me. She has black hair and a crazed smile. She holds her katana to my neck, before being knocked aside by a sock explosion. I shake off the fading paralysis, and summon my electro girls, sending them blitzing towards the girl. She dodges them with grace, but clutching my hand into a fist, I combust them. When the smoke clears, she's gone. Oiran's head flicks toward me, eye's wide, "ABOVE YOU!!" She screams. I look up, and my face is inches from the girl's.
"Got youuuu!" In a flash, her fist ignites with purple flame, but moments before it clocks me in the head. I'm sent flying backward, and watch in complete helplessness as the two continue to clash.