Heather had a quiet morning, having a bit of a lie in and tried tidying up her room. She kept getting distracted though as she kept hearing songs that spoke to her.
How come you never know what you got, 'til it's gone?
So typical, and so true. She hadn't known what she had when she gave up Kevin all those years ago.
How fooled was I, into thinking I was gonna be alright, okay, fine? So every day I try a little harder to forget her. I here convinced myself, tomorrow will be better. Trouble is I can't get her out of my mind, when I close my eyes at night. Who's gonna save me, now she's gone?
Before she could stop herself, she glanced over at the pictures on her wardrobe, some of them very old when they'd still been friends, others a bit more recent.
Trouble is there's a part of me, that still can't let go of the memory. Now I know what it is. Love is what the trouble is.
Heather sighed as she sat down now, ready to give up the pretence that she was cleaning her room. She'd enjoyed herself too much on Friday night, when it had seemed like old times. And now it was coming back to haunt her, because now she was trying to figure out what this all meant.
How stupid was I, into thinking I was gonna be alright, okay, fine? So every day I find a little something to remind me. No matter how I try, I can't put the past behind me.
That's for damn sure, she thought with another sigh. She got up now to look at her pictures from up close. Not that it helped her in any way, but her eyes were glued on Kevin and how happy they'd looked together.
Love has left me lonely. I'm alright, I'm okay, I'll be fine, give it time. But the only … Trouble is I can't get her out of my mind, when I close my eyes at night. Who's gonna save me, now she's gone?
Heather shrugged her thoughts off and headed into the bathroom. She needed to shower and get out of her room; she needed to escape to the beach.
Chapter 12
'And I'm trapped inside your heart, all by myself.'
No, not another song to mess with me! Kevin groaned inwardly as his iPhone threw him another romantic song to make him think. He wasn't entirely sure how much more he could take. This was emotional torture in a very public place.
'I'm going down, I'm going down. I don't wanna live my life without you. The hardest thing I'd ever do, is try to pick myself up off the ground, trying to outrun, all the memories. But I keep falling down.'
He grabbed his phone to put it on to the next song but found himself too curious about the rest, so instead he went into his contact list.
'And it's like you still got a hold of me, coz I keep falling down.'
He scrolled down to Heather's name and looked at the picture. Stephanie had been right a few weeks ago; his former girlfriend definitely still had a hold of him and had possibly renewed her hold in recent weeks.
'I can't sleep, I can't dream, coz your scent's still here on the pillows, in my bed, in my bed. And this pain, so insane.'
Kevin found himself debating whether or not to call or text her that he was on his way back and that he'd like to talk to her. But a part of him thought that calling her up on the first day he'd been broken up with Stephanie might be too quick.
'I don't wanna live my life without you. The hardest thing I'd ever do, is try to pick myself up off the ground, trying to outrun, all the memories. But I keep falling down.'
He sighed and decided against calling her.
'And how do I let go? I know I should move on. But without you I don't know where I belong. And everywhere I go, every happy face I see, it reminds me of the way it used to be.'
Despite this, he kept looking at her picture for almost the whole of the remainder of his journey.
Heather made her way out onto the cliff towards Dumpton, to walk the reverse of what she normally did. Along the cliff, down onto the beach and back towards Viking Bay. Her iPod was on, despite the earlier experience with the soppy music, and for most of the way it behaved itself. Until she got to Viking Bay.
'You call to me, and I fall at your feet. How could anyone ask for more?'
With a sigh she stopped walking and sat down pretty much in the middle of the beach. The weather was fair, but it was quiet.
'But if there's a pill to help me forget, God knows I haven't found it yet. But I'm dying to, god I'm trying to. Coz trying not to love you, only goes so far. Trying not to need you, is tearing me apart.'
She pulled her knees up to her chest as she looked at out the sea. This sounded way too familiar.
'From down here on the floor I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for. Coz trying not to love you, only makes me love you more.'
Kevin was making his way down the high street and, instead of going home directly, decided to head to the beach first. The sound of the waves might help shake off some of the emotions he'd gone through on the train before he had to face his parents.
'And this kind of pain only time takes away. That's why it's harder to let you go.'
Heather nodded to herself, that sounded about right.
'And nothing I can do, without thinking of you. That's why it's harder to let you go.'
Even walking through the high street was filled with memories of her.
'But if there's a pill to help me forget, God knows I haven't found it yet. But I'm dying to, god I'm trying to.'
Kevin sighed relieved when he saw the beach loom up. He really needed its calming qualities after today.
She wiped away the few escapee tears as she leant her chin on her knee.
His breathing stopped momentarily when he spotted the lone figure on the beach, whose image he'd been trying not to think about since getting off the train. There was no question of it now; he was going to go talk to her today.
'So, I sit here divided, just talking to myself. Was it something that I did? Was there somebody else?'
"I know it's my own fault," she said softly to herself, though it didn't stop the feeling of duplicity she had. There had been someone else after all, though it had been after her own stupid behaviour.
'A little voice from behind me, that was fighting back tears, sat right down beside me, whispered right in my ear.'
"It was me too," Kevin said, making her look over her shoulder so fast she was worried she'd snap her neck. "I tried to forget you. And I almost succeeded, well… enough to move on anyway," he told her as he sat down next to her.
'But trying not to love you, only went so far. Trying not to need you, was tearing me apart.'
Heather took her headset off as she looked at him. "I thought you'd be in Brighton until tonight," she commented, not sure where else to start.
"Change of plans. We broke up instead," Kevin answered with a wry smile.
'If we just keep on trying, we could be much more. Coz trying not to love you, oh, yeah, trying not to love you, only makes me love you more. Only makes me love you more.'
She turned her iPod off now as she tried to digest this piece of information. "Why?" she asked softly. There was a small part that hoped she'd had something to do with it, but for the most part she didn't dare hope.
"Well, the reason it came up was her assumption that I'd be moving to Brighton soon without having asked me. But I think eventually, it would've happened anyway," Kevin told her, only glancing at her briefly. He was wondering if she was actually going to make him say it out loud.
"What would've?"
"Having to admit that me and Steph weren't working, because my heart wasn't in it anymore. Potentially never had been," he said, now turning to look at her properly.
"Really?" Heather asked, brushing her hair back out of her face, but immediately had it blown back.
"Yeah… Weren't you listening the other day? You were my first…. well, everything!" Kevin answered, managing a laugh; it seemed so silly he hadn't seen it earlier. "Come on, it's always been you," he added now, knowing he meant it, giving her a nudge.
She actually blushed as she tried to think of a response. "Yeah, you too," she eventually said, looking at him sweetly.
In that moment he knew that he would've given into his feelings for Heather eventually; his relationship with Stephanie wouldn't have sustained him over the long-term. "Then, how about we give it another chance?" he asked, brushing her hair out of her face for her and, as he kept it back, leaned in to kiss her.
It felt like no time had passed since they last did this, that there hadn't been three years in between or several other people. It felt the same as it always had as he pulled her closer and she wrapped her arms around him; it felt right. This was where they were meant to be. "I take it that's a yes," he murmured teasingly and kissed her again before she could tell him off.