That night, I rushed to my room and grabbed my journal, which I haven't put attention to for a while.
I turned all the pages and got to the part where I wrote not so long ago telling myself that someday, I will dedicate it to someone. It will be for this person who will give music in my life.
Here it goes:
"Music is everything to me. Music means you. So, you are everything to me. I just remember the days we were together. When we jam, we chatted, and we reminisce about the details of our past.
I love to hear you say you missed me. The way you look at me as you utter every word connected to love. Love... that's the right word, I'm sure. It's been so long since I last felt love. And now, as you sit and talk beside me, as we feel each other's warmth, as you tell me you'll do everything to get close to me again after those heartaches we felt, I'm totally falling in love again.
You made my day right, you made me smile to my sweetest, and you made my heart big as you notice my smile. You made me feel so good when you sing a song for me and as I listen to your soft voice, I imagine things I know I can never imagine. I was wrong. You are the one I imagined before this fantasy became reality.
You are with me now. I will never feel alone because as long as you won't get tired of being with me, of uttering sweet words, and of singing songs for me, I'll never be lonely. You are the only person who makes my life complete and there is nothing more I can ask for. You are here and the feeling is so right. When you said you love me, I longed to hear it over and over. I love you and I always will.
As long as my heart beats, it will beat for you alone."
Am I crazy or what? I just met this guy and don't even know who he really is. He asked me if I can meet him tomorrow afternoon at the same time. Am I going? I need to sleep, but I can't because I kept thinking about him. Damn! What am I even thinking? I don't believe in love, not especially in love at first sight.
"It's disgusting!" I told myself. I will only feel this when I am ready to take a risk again. Not today! I still have a lot to realize and discover about myself. This is just an emotional state combined with the complexity of feelings. I'm just confused at this moment maybe because of the music I heard from him. I wasn't really in my normal state when I met him. Who am I trying to convince? Am I just so desperate to think that I might fall in love again?
I didn't sleep that night and I have a class early in the morning. Good luck, RM. I made a deal with myself that I won't sleep in my class. I am going to see him in the afternoon and I guess I am excited.
Alright, I admit. I feel like I found something in him that I just lost, and I want to get back. I want to hear the music again. I want to see his stunning face.
Stunning?
He's gorgeous! What am I saying again? Do I have any physical attraction towards this guy? Who is he?