After spending a month in KZN we performed a cleansing ceremony and we were ready to go. In the car we were all mashed up ,because we had all our stuff in there ,the upright of it all we were going to stay at Sandton hotel ,for the first time well until we found ourselves a nice apartment we could buy .
When we got there it was as if Lwandile was in heaven ,the pool was filled with young girls in bikinis . At least he helped me with the bags to our room , and changed into some swim wear and ran off . I was left sorting out our clothes , searched the web for some apartments . I was not in the mood of meeting people or anything .I was trying to sort out my life . I wore some comfortable clothing and drowned myself in ice cream .
" So this is what you going to do all day long ?" Oh yes she just popped up ,I just gave an ugly stare . " Go out meet new people ,that's the only way you will forgive yourself for everything .That's the way you will get your life on track ,forgive yourself than you shall be happy " she said that and started fading away . She left me with something to think about . I still had a lot of anger in me ,so maybe I had to loosen up and forgive . I decided to go out with my baggy shorts and a huge T-shirt .
Walking around everybody gave me that stare , but after everything I have been through I did not care . I went out to the pool and Lwandile had girls all round him , I couldn't believe it . " So did you perhaps escape from a psychiatric hospital ? " someone touched my shoulder and I moved away ,when I turned it was Musa Sokhulu . I just smiled " and are you now my stalker ? " he was wearing a hoodie ,covering his face . He sat down at the bar and I also sat next to him .
"I am not crazy ,just a little weird " I said that and laughed ,he laughed with me .I was genuinely laughing and talking to a guy without freaking out ,or thinking about Lewis . " I'm not a stalker ,I am here to meet up with some friends " . He kept on looking over his shoulder . That was creepy ! " So why you hiding ? " I asked that removing the hoodie from his head ,just to see who he was hiding from . " OH MY GOD !!! MUSA SOKHULU ,THE BLUEPRINT !" All the girls came flying to him , they came in floods .
They knocked me to the ground . I hit my head so hard everything started spinning around . Someone offered their hand to me ,it was Musa . " What was that all about ? " I asked him , He just picked me up and put me in his arms ,I did try to move away from him but he just held me tight and kept on walking . It was different with Musa ,there was this connection ,I couldn't explain it but it was there . Musa was a stranger but I do not feel at risk , but actually safe .
He had brown eyes ,and very cute smile ,and he kept on staring at me ,actually I thought I had seen those eyes somewhere but I brushed the feeling off . He took me to my room .I had to change to something better . I couldn't believe it but I spent the whole afternoon with him . We just talked about everything and anything . I told him about me but omitted some events . He stuffed himself with food ,just so I don't feel guilty . He reminded me what it was like to live on planet earth .
Well Musa was a rugby ,quarterback to be exact . That's why he had girls throwing themselves at him ,not that I blamed the he was cute ,and that body, hmm. He lived on his own ,but every weekend spent time with his dad and step mom . He was hyper ,and talkative ,kind off reminded me of the old carefree me . He made me laugh a lot ,but most of all made me want to look good again .
When Lwandile returned he was ecstatic ,he was worse than those girls ,He took pictures and was giving him the third degree of questions. We all vibed ,went out for lunch and just had fun . Musa was down to earth, a real gentleman . He loved reminding us he was a real Zulu man even though his hair told a different story . He was famous but didn't mind spending time with me ,even though I was not that magazine type of a girl .
I was at the time of my life where I had no worries ,but just living each day to the fullest .I spent the entire week with Musa . After he came back from practice he would take me out to lunch than go house hunting with me .He made the whole ordeal fun . It was hilarious how he had to disguise himself . I forgot about everything and focused on me ,besides I had my cheerleader , my mom rooting for me on the sidelines . I woke up every morning to look at that mirror and not see someone broken ,but a smile ,and just joy .
Mr. know it all ,Musa found us an apartment in the same building that he lived in . Musa was always around and it was awesome ,we had chemistry and over those few weeks we developed that bond ,I couldn't really express it ,but it was surely going to bring out something great . He helped us move to our new home ,helped us pack and get settled . It was really hard for Lwandile he had really gotten attached to those naked skinny white girls ,he had one that was special spent a lot of time with .
It was indeed a new beginning . Woke up the next morning tired from all that lifting and shifting of furniture . Lwandile had already left for varsity so I was left to fend for myself . There was a knock on the door ,I was still in my sleep wear . The person invited themselves in ,it was none other than Musa ,and yes I was seeing much of him . " Me and you my lady are going jogging " he said that pushing me towards my room .When I go inside I had butterflies in my tummy ,and a huge smile ,he had just referred to me as his lady . I was on cloud nine ,that was the feeling I had not felt before and loved it .No tears and sorrows for a change .
We went for the Jog he was way too fast ,but slowed his pace when he saw me getting left behind . When he looked at me as I ran up to him , he looked at me with his tender eyes ,had a smirk on his face and I could tell he was cooking something up in his mind . " I love your smile " he said that and I blushed ,I didn't even recognize I was smiling . I was all out of breath and he just splashed water over me to cool me down and we played around the road ,chasing each other . He managed to catch me from behind and wrapped his hands around my waist . I was startled ,but I did not remove his hands . I actually did not freak out ,I lived in that moment and oh God I knew then and there was something happening inside me because of that man .
We stayed like that ,just smiling until a car approached and we were forced to move out of the road . Oh God ! He made me laugh all the way back . I was happy really happy ,thanks to Musa and those really weird talks I have with my mom . When we got back I went for a shower ," Look at you singing and smiling, I had missed that Lorna " she said that. I was used to having her around as freaky as it was . My phone beeped, I ran up to it ,I was hoping it was Musa ,all excited .
It was a message " Hey you, It must be annoying being stuck in that flat ,so I'm coming to fetch you ... Hope you ready " After reading that message I jumped up and down on the bed " Mom! He included xo xo ! " I said that dropping dead on the bed regaining my breath ,I was on cloud nine ." He is nice boy ,but baby don't get too attached, he might not be the one " She looked serious . I was confused ,did she know something I didn't or maybe it's just a warning . " Mother what do you mean ? " I asked her but her image just faded away slowly ." Mother ? " She was gone ,and I could sense someone was behind me ,when I turned it was Lwandile you looked stunned. " Are you alright ? " He looked concerned I just nodded ,still trying to figure out what was on that woman's mind .
Like every young lady ,I racked my closet searching for something suitable to wear . I took out all my best dresses . " If you going with Musa you should wear something sporty " He said that and came close to me " I am glad you getting your life back ,and put those heels away " he kissed me on my cheek and ran off . Because of the love I had for my brother and I took his advice ,to my surprise he was right . Musa was taking me to training with him, to meet his friends and colleagues .
I had such a blast watching men run around with the ball . I did not understand the game ,but just saw men fighting for their life . He introduced me to his best friend Malik Wright , he was colored and they were very close . "You must be a very special lady ,for him to introduce you to us " Malik said that while his eyes were busy checking me out ,to see why his friend fell for me . I knew the answer to his question ,he liked me because he did not know the true me . I had become really good at pretending to be happy ,and buried all my skeletons .
" Be ready at seven ,I would really love to take you to dinner Miss Mkhize " He was smooth ,and had a killer smile ,with really white teeth . I got in the house all smiles , relaxed and looking forward to my first dare . Lwandile was on the couch, " I don't even need to ask ,that smiles explains it all " he said that offering me some cereal from the box .We chilled all by the poach . We did not have any groceries ,meaning I had to get a job .
As I was getting ready for my date night ,Lwandile was also getting ready to go clubbing ,he did a lot of that .I guess it was his way of dealing with ,you know the murder ,we never really talked about it . I just kept everything hidden so I thought I was okay ,had moved on ,but that glass of Whisky before bed and headache tablets did have a role . I got dressed up ,did my makeup and I looked so beautiful ,but that image on the mirror reminded me of something ,the first time I ever put make up on my face.
I had to find my lucky heels that mom bought for me . That's when I realized I needed to unpack my stuff . I went through my bags ,what I extracted from those bags almost stopped my heart from breathing . It was a picture of Lewis ,I took that picture he was in his apartment ,and it was when things were still great . I was in loss of words ,head started spinning . Like a zombie I kept on staring at that picture on the floor and it took me back to the night when I set him on fire . It took me back to his half burnt body and that large flame . I was shaking in fear and felt like I was trapped in those thoughts and couldn't find a way out . I went back to that dark space I have been running from .
"Musa is here " Lwandile said that taking steps towards me . I came back to life ,to reality and I got to breath . Oh God ! I killed a man ,and set him on fire ! That only then my deed sunk into my brain . All this time I had really thought about what I had done until that night . Tears just rolled down my eyes . Lwandile only knew what was happening when he picked up the picture from the ground . We just stared at each other and there was silence for some time . He rubbed his head ,I guess it also took him back to that terrible night . When we heard footsteps ,I wiped my tears and Lwandile helped me up .
" My ,you look beautiful " Musa said that coming to hug me . I just played along and faked a smile . " Are you alright ? " Musa asked me and he looked concerned and was sincere . Seeing how much he cared for me ,and was just there . It was overwhelming ,because I really hated myself that moment ,and couldn't understand how could he love me . I wore my heels and he took me by my hand and we went to the car ,he was so perfect ,for a moment I thought it was a dream .