You know, if you had told me a few days ago that I'd be getting superpowers as well as a hot European girlfriend, then I probably would've laughed at you.
But I guess life works in mysterious ways.
Whoosh!
My vision returned, and I looked around, finding myself back in the white void. I let out a heavy sigh as I faced the bearded man, his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised in a judgmental manner.
"Ugh, look..." I shook my head, preparing to explain. "I understand what you're thinking, but I did think about it long and hard, alright?"
"Oh, did you, now?" The bearded man's tone dripped with sarcasm, and it annoyed me.
"Yes, I did, okay?!" I exclaimed, frustrated that my 'd*ck conscience' wasn't comprehending the complexity of my situation. "I thought about it, and I decided I didn't want to risk my life, okay? So, I picked the safest option! If that makes me a pussy, then I guess I'm a pussy."
"Yeah, at least you got that right... Pussy!" The bearded man rolled his eyes and sneered at me, and I snapped my fingers at him. "Hey! Why you gotta be so mean, man?"
"You do realize what you just did, right?" The bearded man said. "Not only did you get yourself a fake girlfriend who most probably won't let you bang her, but you also made yourself unavailable to other options by pretending to be in a relationship. I mean, you pretty much cockblocked yourself, man."
"No, I did not!" I yelled, shaking my head vehemently. "I saved my ass, that's what I did! And why are you so obsessed with sex all the time?"
"You're literally talking to your d*ck's conscience, man." The bearded man looked at me as though I was an idiot, and I nodded my head in realization. "Ohhhh, yeah…. I forgot about that." I then raised my eyebrow in confusion. "Wait, why am I talking to my d*ck's conscience right now?"
Snap!
"HEY!" The sound of snapping fingers pierced my ears, and my attention snapped to an irritated Darren, holding an orange juice bottle close to my face and yelling at me. "I'VE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR LIKE FIFTEEN FUCKING MINUTES!"
"Ah, shit! Sorry about that, man.." I replied with an apologetic smile as I took the orange juice from Darren's hand. He shook his head and let out a sigh. "Seriously, man.. What the fuck took you so long?"
For a moment, I actually entertained the idea of confessing to Darren that me and Irina were now a couple, but decided against it. After all, it would definitely be weird and sudden to tell people that you've become a couple just after meeting each other once.
But dodging the truth meant coming up with another excuse Darren would buy into. Fortunately, I happen to be a master at deception, so this was a piece of cake for me!
"...Had to take a shit." I replied, and Darren's eyes widened in surprise. "Wha- A fifteen minute long shit?!"
"... Diarrhea." I answered after a brief pause, and Darren seemed even more taken aback. "What?! Seriously, dude?"
I nodded my head, and Darren rubbed his forehead as he let out an exasperated sigh. He then patted me on the shoulder, looking at me with a sympathetic expression on his face. "So you were holding it in all day, huh?"
Darren shook his head, a wry smile forming. "No wonder you were so cranky this morning.." He commented, and I raised an eyebrow in confusion.
What do you mean I was cranky? When was I cranky?
We returned to the classroom, and the rest of the day's classes went by as usual. Irina was surrounded by our classmates, all eager to befriend her, leaving me with limited chances to talk to her except for when she had questions about the subjects.
As the final class of the day concluded, I swiftly rose from my seat, ready to head home.
"Leaving already?" Irina's voice sounded in my ear, and I turned toward her, eyebrows slightly furrowed. "Yeah, heading home. Need anything?"
"You mentioned living near Milford Street, right?" She inquired with an innocent smile, and it sent a shiver down my spine.
I do live near Milford Street, but I'm pretty sure I never mentioned that to you.
"Yeah..." I nodded, and Irina stood up, gathering her things. "That's convenient! I live nearby too, and I'm still figuring out the area, so…" She faced me and extended her hand for a handshake. "...Would you mind walking me home, Felix?"
As soon as she finished her words, collective groans could once again be heard from within the classroom.
"Ah, shit! Why'd it have to be him?"
"Motherfucker! Do you want me to be single forever, god?"
"Not this again! Come on! Just this once!"
"I'm- I'm gay, guys.. I told you this before.. Seriously, I don't know why you keep adding me to these 'boys groaning angrily' compilation, I'm not inter-"
The boys collectively groaned in annoyance, while the girls responded with eye rolls.
I, on the other hand, found myself caught off guard, not by her request, but by how convincingly she played the role of the 'innocent but cute transfer student'.
"Um, sure, I guess…" I replied after a brief silence, awkward laughter escaping me as I accepted her handshake and turned to leave.
Glancing at Darren, I found him giving me a thumbs up, and I responded with a forced smile, suppressing an eye roll.
Exiting the classroom, Irina walked beside me, and the sounds of loud groans and frustrated shouts from inside only faded as we moved away, leaving the classroom commotion behind.
"I guess we can consider this the foundation of our fake relationship," Irina stated, her earlier cheerful demeanor giving way to a colder, more annoyed expression.
"Huh?" I turned to her, my brows furrowing as her words confused me.
The fuck is this bitch talking about?
"Our cover story, dumbass!" Irina shook her head, irritation evident in her voice. "We walk home together every day, gradually fall for each other, and voilà, a perfectly believable love story!"
"Ah… I guess that works?" I responded with an indifferent shrug, and Irina let out an exasperated click of her tongue. "Why are you acting like this isn't a big deal? You do realize your life is on the line here, right?"
"Ugh, don't remind me!" I shook my head, groaning loudly as I walked down the stairs, and Irina pouted, placing her hands on her hips before following me. "Oh, I'm sorry I gave two shits about your shitty-ass life!" She replied with a sarcastic tone. "I thought you wanted to live, but clearly I was wrong!"
"Oh my god! Look, I get it, alright?" I stopped and turned to face Irina, walking backwards as I spoke. "We have to act like a couple if I want to live. I get it. But you can understand why I'm not all that enthusiastic about this, right?"
"You think I want this?" Irina asked with a scoff. "I'm not exactly enthusiastic about this situation either, but I'm playing along, aren't I?"
"I'm just saying, we could be in a less-than-enthusiastic relationship and still manage," I turned back around and reached the bottom of the stairs, heading towards the school gates. Irina picked up her pace to keep up with me. "And I'm telling you, that won't cut it. We need to be convincing to avoid suspicion, or we might end up getting seriously fucked."
Irina's attention shifted to a group of students from another class who were trailing behind them. She turned back to me, whispering softly. "See those guys behind us? They're been staring at me for a while now, probably because of my silver hair and foreign appearance."
"And?" I asked, whispering back, failing to see the significance of her observation.
"It means that people are going to notice us - or rather, me - a lot if we're going to be in a relationship. Another reason to act more convincingly," Irina elaborated, her eyes focused on me. "So, I'm going to give your shoulder a light pat and laugh, got it?"
"Wait, what?" I looked at her with confusion, but without further explanation, Irina playfully slapped my shoulder and giggled, "Hahaha! You're so funny, Felix!" She said while gracefully wiping her imaginary tears, and all of a sudden, I could feel death glares aimed at me from behind.
Fucking hell, that actually worked?
"So, how was that?" Irina leaned in closer, and I responded, "...Terrible."
"Fuck you," Irina playfully stuck her tongue out while sporting an annoyed pout. "You're just annoyed that it actually worked."
I shrugged nonchalantly, and we kept walking. "....Didn't know you had dimples."
"What?" Irina turned her gaze at me, her eyes widened with surprise, and I, although confused by her reaction, clarified. "Dimples. On your cheeks. You have them."
"Ah, shit, they were visible?" Irina let out an exasperated sigh, clicking her tongue in annoyance. I gave her a quizzical look, and she explained, "I usually avoid laughing too hard because they make me look older than I am."
"Well, I like it," I admitted almost instinctively, surprising myself a little.
Wow, that was a quick response.
I stole a glance at Irina, who was looking at me, and after a brief pause, I continued, "...I mean, I think it's cute."
Irina's eyes widened, and she looked down at her feet. A brief pause followed before she whispered softly, "....oh."
Now cringing at my own response, I attempted to gauge Irina's reaction, but she remained fixated on the ground. With a sense of helplessness, I let out an exasperated sigh.
The conversation had come to an abrupt halt, leaving an uncomfortable silence in its wake.