"Why does it always rain the hardest on those who serve the sun and rainbow?".
Anonymous.
—————————————————————-
He sat by the window in his so called room as he listened to the soothing sound of the rain. It oddly calmed him down.
He used to be afraid of the rain when he was much younger but now ... it was his favorite.
Times like this, his mother will welcome him in her arms and stroke his long hair in a calm manner that makes his muscles relax.
Other times she prefer to hold him in her arms till sleep takes both of them away.
Look at how things had changed over time, he was no longer a little boy , a little happy boy.
He was growing into living a life where he felt worthless, a life where he felt like he was just space on Earth and he had no use.
He had no purpose of living. Nothing seemed to fancy him or excite him any longer. He can't even remember the last time he was happy, the last time he smiled even though it was a fake one.
He felt like he had forgotten what it felt to even be happy for only pain , anger and self hatred were rapped around his cold yet fragile heart.
He felt something grabbed onto the hem of his trousers, he then wondered what it was so he peaked only to find little Hiba trying to hold onto him for support.
He didn't understand how babies worked , she was just seven months but she like to roam around the house like a pest.
He gently pushed her away , he was not in the mood for her games but then again, has he ever been in the mood for her games or anything else?
A gasp escaped his Aunt's lips and that's when he took notice of his Aunt Nafisa and her friend... Aisha who stood by the door.
"My baby.." Aunt Nafisa rushed towards Hiba and picked up a crying baby.
"Shhhh, it's okay my darling. Don't you cry, mommy is here"...she said in a very sweet tone to her child.
Sadly, she remained Asad of his own mother, he longed to be in his mother's arms too.
To feel love and safe perhaps....even if it was for a moment.
"Asad "... Aunt Aisha cleared her throat.
Asad gazed at her but said nothing in response.
"Since you have proven to be stubborn and driven away all your lesson teachers, Nafisa and I will take it upon ourselves to tutor you".
Asad facial features remained the same , bored, nonchalant and undisturbed as she spoke.
Nafisa was very bothered about his attitude she left like he was slowly growing into the darkness and emptiness with each passing day.
"I will need your subject combination. Your classes will commence tommorow"... Aunt Aisha said with finality and left the room
Nafisa tried to read his facial but he gave her nothing to read, she then heaved a sigh and left with Hiba.
Asad always felt bad for the way he treated his Aunt Nafisa but he did not know how to be nice or how to approach her and patch things up.
Aunt Aisha being the woman of her word started classes with Asad the following day, Nafisa was just there for support but Asad was giving them a hard time thinking they might leave but they proved him wrong.
They kept on trying and trying till he let his guard down and started paying attention.
The external exams approached them quicker than usual but nevertheless they prepared Asad very well.
Asad had put in little to no effort during
the exams preparation but Nafisa was still happy, to see him gradually changing to become a positive person.
He had a bright future... That , she strongly believed.
After his exams were over , he got admission into three different universities.
The first two were close to Nafisa's home while the last was far away from them. It wasn't even in Kaduna and that worried Nafisa.
"Soo, I hope you are not going to let the boy study too close right?"...Aisha nudge Nafisa with an elbow as she stared at Nafisa who was lost in thoughts.
Nafisa had dark circles under her eyes as she lazily smiled at Aisha. Raising Hiba alone was hard for her and taking care of Asad was harder with all his drinking habits , shouting in the night due to his nightmares and breaking stuffs.
She had replaced most of her furniture in the house because Asad broke them, one after the other.
Her facial features turned to that of one who was scared and worried as she spoke ... "I..I don't know, he isn't emotionally stable"....Nafisa heaved a heavy sigh.
"Common Nas Nas, Asad is no longer a child , he is turning 17 in a few weeks , how do you expect him to grow when you keep on spoon feeding him and changing his diapers?"....Aisha tried to reason with her friend.
"Do you think he will be able to cope with all his drinking and nightmares?"...Nafisa asked, uncertainty was clear in her voice.
"I know he will be able to, he is a strong guy. Have faith" ... Aisha patted Nafisa on the shoulder lightly... "Now we better help him pack ,school is opening in 2 days". Her eyes showed a glint of hope and happiness.
Aisha then dragged Nafisa by the hand and walked out of the living room before Nafisa could further protest.
They went to Asad's room and saw him writing in that book of his again, the one his parents gifted him with when he topped the class.
His eyes met Aunt Nafisa's and she could see the voidness in them which pained her even more.
'You need to let go and this Asad , only then will you be able to be happy' ... Nafisa said to herself.
Asad's eyes then became glossy as he kept on staring at her but he quickly looked away so that he will not be seen as a weak person in Nafisa's eyes.
"We are here to help you pack for University, so let's get to work , the sooner we start the better".... Aisha instructed and Asad simply nodded in response.
As usual... he was not a person of many words.
He felt like protesting but Aunt Aisha won't let him.. She was stubborn.. too stubborn for a grown up lady such as herself , she was as stubborn as a goat and very adamant to.
Soon they packed up all he would need and retreated for the day. The following day , they left at dawn break to go to Lagos.
The flight throughout was peaceful, Nafisa and Aisha kept on scolding and warning Asad about the danger of University but as usual he paid no attention to them , his eyes were focused on the road and nothing else. He just wanted to get over with everything.
When the plane landed , they got off and rested for the day. Asad will be taken to university the following day.
That night he was restless , he couldn't get a glimpse of sleep. He was wide awake the whole night thinking about how things will be for him.
'I can't wait to see my little Asad grow into a handsome man and start his own family'... His mother's voice echoed in his head.
She wanted to see him grow more than anyone else did.
Oh God! He missed her so much.
He wished for death more than anything right now.
He kept on praying and hoping death will visit him soon because he can't keep on holding on to this pain.
He felt like giving up and giving in to the darkness. The little part of him that had hope was slowly dying and accepting reality.
Of course he couldn't run away from reality, he preferred reality to his dreams . In his dreams he could only see his mother being tortured and molested while in reality he had to live with his self-regret and accept the fact that his mother was actually dead.
"Death you visit every soul 5 times a day so why not visit me and take me with you, take me away from this miserable place"....Asad could feel his tears puddle down his cheeks as he forcefully closed his eyes sleep.
***
Asad got ready the following day and was taken to campus, he scanned his environment for a while then focus on the road ahead.
He will get over with school, with everything and leave this miserable place people like to call plannet Earth.
When they reached Asad's hostel , they got in and unpacked his load for him.
"That's all Asad, I wish you all the best"... Aunt Aisha spoke.
"Yeah.. all the best my boy"... sadness was clear in Nafisa's voice as she spoke.
She was surely going to miss him even though his sole work was to cause her nothing but pain.
"Thank you, you may leave"...he spoke which shocked both his Aunts , he was a person of few words .
He hardly talked.
Aisha reached for the door and left so did Nafisa but halted in her tracks.
She thenturned and faced Asad, he met her gaze and she could still see the voidness in his eyes.
It was growing stronger.
"You know your mother won't want to see you like this Asad. This is not the kind of life she had wished for you to have and she would wish for you to have such life either".
"I know"... he responded.
"You need to let go of all this , what has happened has already happened Asad, you can't have a future if you keep on holding on to your past. You will destroy your present in the process"...Nafisa dropped Hiba for a moment and took small steps close to Asad.
When she neared him , she closed the distance between them with a warm hug.
Asad's body tensed up at first but he relax and allowed himself enjoy the hug even if it was just was a while.
He knows it might be his last because he will end his life any time soon.
"I love you okay Asad and I will always be here for you"... Aunt Nafisa says, still in the hug.
Asad wanted to reply, he wanted to say something...anything but his words refuse to form and come out of his mouth.
When Aunt Nafisa released him from the hug she saw tears in his eyes and wiped away the one that fell down.
"Shhhh now my child, everything will be alright. I have a feeling your future will be bright "....She placed her two hands on his shoulder as she flashed him a bright smile.
'If only you knew I see no future for myself, I longed death and might committed suicide soon ' ...Asad said inwardly.
"You are going to study Architecture, work hard and make me proud okay"... she playful pulled his cheek.
Architecture?... Really, he didn't even expected that. Well he didn't know what to expect anyways.
His mother knew he was found of drawing and wanted him to study something that involved drawing.
"Take this"... Aunt Nafisa then handed Asad a phone as a little gift.
Asad stared at the phone then at his Aunt with concerned eyes.
He knew she was struggling to get money and she still went through the stress of buying him a phone.
Again Asad opened his mouth to talk but no word came out, instead a tear slowly made his way down his cheek.
After all the pain and trouble he has caused for her, he was the reason her husband died, he was the reason she had sleepless nights and she still used the little money she had to buy him a phone?
More tears puddled down his cheek and Nafisa didn't hesitate to wipe all his tears with her thumb and gaze at him with an assuring smile.
"You will be okay... surely no condition is permanent, this will all pass and be a forgotten story some day. I will be a call away".
She then picked up Hiba and left the room.
He kept his new phone in his bag then walked up to the bed feeling sleepy after having a sleepless night and climbed onto his wood like bed.
He tossed and turned then picked up his mini book in which he usually inked out his thoughts and began to write before he finally drifted into another world.
"Asad come here, why the frown?" A familiar voice said to him.
He shrugged as he walked closer... "What's there to be happy about?"
"You have me"...she smiled revealing how deep her dimples were.
He stared at her and was mesmerized by her unearthly beauty, he took her gray eyes that resembled that of the clouds on a rainy and her dark hair that cascaded down to her waist like waves. She smiled like an angel. It was a vibrant and heart warming smile.
She was an epitome of beauty in her son's eyes.
" Mother don't leave me"...it came out as a plea from Asad as he stared at his beautiful mother.
"I am here my dearest, come and sit with me before your father returns"...Aneesa addressed Asad with the name she usually calls him.
"Promise me that you will stay?"... Asad asked as he kept on admiring his mother.
"I promise you th-" she was caught off by an agonizing scream that left her mouth.
She placed her hand on her stomach and saw blood.
"Mother"... he reached for her but it was to late , her head was immediately ripped off causing her to fall to the ground and start piling up in a pool of her own blood.
He looked up to see who was responsible for that, it was the person who planned his parent's death.
It was Karima.
"What have you done?"... He yelled as he ran his fingers through his silk like hair out of frustration.
"What have you done to my mother?"... He jerked Karima up who smiled devilishly but in a snapped of a finger he was tied up to a chair and his father was placed in front of him.
"Father"... he called out for his dad but it was like his dad could not see him.
Karima walked up to him with a devilish grin.
"Enjoy watching your precious Dad die"... Karima whispered into his ear, laying emphasis on the 'dad'.
She then reached for knife and ripped his father's head off.
"Take it"... she tossed him his father's head like it was a ball making Asad tremble with fear.
"I shall kill you next"... Karima said and stabbed Asad in the chest.
Asad jerked up from his nightmare, his body trembling and his face covered in sweat. His heart tightened at the thought of his parent's dead body laying in front of him.
He could not take it anymore, he just couldn't.
He was going to end his life that instance.
With a heavy heart , he walked out of his room and walked down to where he found a river.
Lagos was a state that was known to be surrounded by water bodies. He couldn't swim which was good and dying in the water won't take time.
He stared down at the night blue water and heaved a sigh.
My mind has now become a gallery.
It holds your death like the subject history.
My heart bleeds, it has a severe injury.
The voice in my head feeds me with mockery.
My coward self led to my slavery.
Mom, Dad, please . I want to be saved from all this misery.
"You can't have a future if you keep on holding on to your past. You will destroy your present in the process". Aunt Nafisa's voice echoed in his head.
He cried as he slowly let himself fall into the deep blue river and let himself drown away all his pain, soon the darkness took over.
Someone saw Asad jumped in and rushed to save him.
His savior jumped into the water and brought him out. She then placed her hands on his chest putting pressure so that he would regain consciousness.
Asad eyes instantly flutter open and he started coughing out all the excess water he consumed while drowning.
He seemed confused as he scanned his environment for a while hoping for something... Death as the situation may be but disappointment took over him.
He then looked at his savior's face and was left speechless.