It seemed easy to take a challenge, but it was hard to reach the goal and finish the challenge. Challenges are hard, but people want to beat them and come out on top.
One of the biggest lies, especially in the Circus business, is when someone tells you that a task is easy.
Even if you tried for months and still failed, you shouldn't give up.
When you give up, the challenge has won. I can't believe that the only way to be successful is to win. It's hard for me to feel so close to and yet so far from my family.
My family is this Circus, and my part is everything.
Everything I do is based on the hope that I'll be the best and be able to do what I want to do.
From swinging on hoops to trying not to die without a practice net at the bottom. When I do my tricks, my heart beats fast with worry, but in the end.
I succeed.
afraid of failing. If I fall off the ladder, I can't get back up. If I fail, I will die. Because that's what this show is. There are no safety nets or protections, so you have to rely on your own strength to keep you up.
With just one mistake, the show is over.
A problem is never just a problem. Something that makes you choose between living and dying is a task.
This Circus is not easy. Most nights, this Circus hurts me and makes me cry, but I love it.
I like it when people like me. I love it when I do well.
When you don't fail, the feeling of excitement is like magic.
When everyone cheers, it sounds great. It's out of this world to think that they just watched you do that task and that you're the only one in the auditorium who could do that trick.
I have no one at the end of the day. On Christmas Day, the house where my father lived caught fire and killed all of my biological family.
Getting dragged here to my new family brought me so much happiness and love that I didn't even know I needed it.
I was by myself for two years before I met him. I'm sure that man is both the Devil and an Angel. When he pulled me here, he saved me. With so much sadness and concern for me.
His gentle touch and sweet words will always remind me of that day.
No one will find out my secret. I should be suspicious because I'm the only living member of the Clementine family, but my boss, the Ringmaster, has found a way to keep that from happening.
First, he put a stage outfit on me, pushed me through the curtains, and said something in front of the crowd.
I want to know what you can do.
Face full of makeup and a small amount of what looks like underwear. Before I looked at my ideas, I didn't know what to do.
That night went well, so I got a doll with my stage name on it and a spot next to the Ringmasters' tent as a prize.
I would sometimes look through the hole in his tent to see what he was doing, but what I saw hurt me.
Him with someone else...
I never saw him have sexual relations with a woman because he would only touch them in ways I wanted to feel.
I wanna feel his hands on me, making me feel good.
Maybe it was because I was younger than everyone else?
I'd like to know how his hands feel. I want to touch him and feel his warmth. Why does everyone else get to?
I can't get enough of him.
He's the one I think about when I put my hand in my underwear. All I want is to feel his touch and feel his love.
"When you look at me, Miss Doll, I can tell what you are thinking," he said, tilting my head away from the mirror I was sitting in front of. I gasp. "What?"
He has his hand on my neck, which tilts my head up so I can look at him.
"Put something smaller, because the more you show, the more people will pay." He slips his finger under the strap of my shirt and pulls it down. "Just remember, Doll, that I'll be watching you tonight. If you do something wrong, you know what will happen."
I take a deep breath as his burning eyes pierce mine.
"My doll should look like she's giving in. What are you wearing?" He asks while pointing to the blacktop and shorts I'm wearing.
When I try to talk, nothing comes out. "Dagger is putting the finishing touches on my outfit," I say quickly as his hand squeezes my neck very tightly.
"You're going to be on in twenty minutes, Doll. What's taking so long?" he asks with a scowl.
"What is Dagger doing with your clothes? Did you... Sleep with him in his tent last night? He asks, "Did you have fun in his tent?"
I gasp and stand up straight, turning back to face him. "I did nothing like that."
"Well, why were you in his tent at such a terrible hour of the night?" he asks, putting his face close to mine.
"I wasn't doing anything, but he offered to fix my outfit because I had accidentally torn it during practice.
He says, "I know what Dagger is like; he always wants money."
"I gave him my pay from yesterday," I tell him. He moves away. "You're a fucking liar." He moves his hand right across my face. I cover my face and try not to cry.
"I don't want sluts in my Circus, so don't act like one and you won't get punished," he said, grabbing my face to get me to look at him. "Do you get it, or do I need to explain it more simply?"
"No, I understand, sir," I say.
"Stand," he tells Dagger when he comes in with my clothes. I get out of my seat. "Strip," he tells her.
"Excuse me?" I say. "You listened. "Strip," he keeps saying.
"Can-" We're not going back, because there's nothing Dagger hasn't seen before," he says. "We didn't do anything," I say.
"Yes we did," Dagger says. Fucking lie. We didn't do anything.
"No we didn't didn't," I say. "Strip doll before I get hands-on." I stay still. I don't want to take off my clothes in front of them because what if he doesn't like what he sees?
He tells Dagger, "Get over there and take that crap off of her."
I grab my shirt by the bottom and pull it off. Dagger goes red Claude's face expression doesn't change.
"Take off the bra and strip," says Dagger. When Claude comes up to me, he pulls down my bra. I gasp. I'm in heaven because his hands touched me.
He pulls my shorts down and tells me, "You won't need any of this." He gets his hands on the straps of my pants and rips them off.
"Fucking hell, just throw her on stage like that, and we'll be worth a billion dollars," Dagger says with a smirk.
"No, I don't want her naked. I want her to look innocent."
With a single motion from Claude, Dagger gives him my clothes. Now it's like the first time I came here.
Claude is getting me dressed.
I step into my outfit, and he lifts it up my body until the strap goes over my shoulders. "Turn around, doll," he tells her.
I turn around and lift my hair so he can zip up the suit. As he does, I can feel the suit getting tighter. Then he turns me around again.
Everyone else has the opposite look. Mine is a bodysuit made of white lace with lace cuffs that go around my arms. It also came with white lace panties.
Claude takes the socks off my bench, gets on his knees, and grabs my leg.
"Why do you dress her and no one else?" Dagger asks.
Everyone always asks him that, and he always tells them the same thing.
"She is treated like a child because she acts like a child."