I was on the floor, and I was wrestling a big giant puppy. Finally he calmed down and I wrapped my legs and arms around the big yellow puppy and it nuzzled its head into the crevice of my neck and I smiled. The yellowness of the puppy seeped into my soul warming me like the golden suns rays. I was happy.
I slowly started to stir, once I had woken my mind wandered at how every night since Tae had started to live with me, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up in the bed alone. Last night was no exception, but this time I wasn't alone. I was straddling a warm hard body with a fluff of cyan hair touching my lips. My heart stopped and my hands went cold. I almost drowned, Tae saved me, I took a shower, then I was waiting on the couch for Tae. Did something happen? Or did I just fall asleep. At that moment Tae must've woken up. He took a deep breath and sighed. He shook his head a little and then jerked up. He looked directly into my eyes and threw himself off the bed backwards landing on his feet.
"I am so sorry Rina, I didn't mean to fall asleep."
I didn't know what else to say. So I said nothing.
"I didn't do anything to you, I must've fell asleep when I was watching you." "Watching me?" I eyed him. "When I carried you to bed, I just made sure you got back to sleep properly. I have nothing to hide." He looked scared and was still standing on the side of the bed. "It's alright, it was an honest mistake. I trust you. Water under the bridge, honestly let's just forget about everything last night Tae." His eyes darkened. "Let's forget us sleeping together, me wearing your clothes, kissing, you saving me, and you seeing me in my bra and panties. It would just be better if we forgot those things ever happened. It makes it simpler, our situation will be less complicated. I had a lapse in judgment. We can't forget that you leave in a few weeks. I don't want to start something we both know you can't finish."
He cracked a smirk, surprising for him because I thought he would take it wrong. I couldn't tell what his thoughts were and that pissed me off. "Be serious Tae!" He slightly licked his bottom lip and sucked it into his mouth while breathing out. "Rina, no girl has ever gotten me as serious about them as you have." I felt the butterflies start and tightened my core to push them away. I sat up straighter at the head of the bed and he walked toward me. He leaned over the other side of the bed resting his hands on the edge looking directly at me. "I understand your point, but don't accuse me of things I don't do. I will finish what I start. I never had a lapse in judgement, the moment I first laid eyes on you I wanted you. I will never forget what happened no matter how hard you try to. I will continue to pursue this, to pursue you. I only hope you will feel the same way as I do, I didn't want to let you know like this." He paused, and cleared his throat. "Rina, I umm, I've never said this before, but, I think I'm falling for you. I mean I love you."
I felt panicked, the butterflies flew away. I got the shivers, and I felt cold. "Tae, I think I need a moment." He nodded, but he didn't leave. My heart was racing. No one and I mean no one had loved… me. What even is love? Had I ever felt it? Had I known it? Did I want that? Up until this moment I just wanted to survive. I never needed to love. I never even wanted it. The belonging I felt when we played games. The giddiness I felt when he gave me the meat from his plates. The tenderness I felt when he carried me every night to bed. The appreciation I felt when he preopened all of my drinks. The regret when I thought I might never get to talk to him again. The hot tears I cried when he saved me. The tingles I felt when we kissed. The coziness I felt in his clothes. The happiness I felt waking up in his arms. Was this the beginning of love? I was in a full cry at this point, I knew the truth but wasn't willing to admit it. Why was I so fucked up I couldn't even admit it. I bit on my lip and contemplated, I needed to say this right.
"Tae, I'm not ready for love. I'm not sure I am even willing to love. I am messed up, I'm not meant for love. I can't promise that to you. I can't say I will fall in love within the few weeks we have left. That is the truth. I won't sugarcoat it."
I continued to chew on my lip and looked down. I didn't want to make eyes with Tae. I felt his blazing hot fingers brush my chin and pull it up towards him. He had moved to my side of the bed and was now standing next to me. "You most definitely are meant for love, because I already love you. I won't push you Rina. We can just enjoy the next few weeks. I want to show you how I feel, you don't need to be pressured and I won't do more than you are willing. Even though every bone in my body is screaming not too, we don't need to be official, we don't have to be anything just let me love you Rina. We can figure out the rest."