I met a new boy yesterday, a young boy who reminds me of myself. Since I am the queen, there is no need to explain why I welcomed a young boy into my palace. Mimi sent me a message telling me how she was doing, and that she was fine, and Zenzen. in my bathroom bathtub, sitting in warm water, steam swirling around me, and in front of me is a wide wall, leading to the moon, I see the moon that illuminates the darkness of my heart. red flowers floating on the water, my hair is wet, I sit. Here I am not thinking about anything except how wonderful it would be to close my eyes and dive in. I am very awake, but I am also immersed in my heart, it makes no difference. I used to exchange letters with Mimi and Zenzen a lot, and Eugenie's letters put some warmth in my heart. I still think that I took them from their homelands, but there is no benefit from the homeland in reality. The homeland is where your heart is at peace. None of us deserves a destroyed homeland, and that is why we defend We sacrifice our souls for our homelands, but when our homelands flog us, we can only feel sad. A broken love story is our relationship with the homeland.
I get up and go to pull my clothes, but I can't find them. I looked around, then I started to realize the matter. I laughed lightly, I then sighed, "I told her I sincerely apologize.. I sincerely apologized for leaving her, what a cruel woman."
I looked away and saw a summer clothes, black. I ran my hand over it, with empty eyes. I took it and put it on.
I walked outside and looked towards the balcony. Suddenly I was warm. I put my hand on the fur-covered jacket, and ran my hand over it. I closed my eyes, and his scent filled my being. I turned to him, "Tian Yang?"
He smiled as he approached, adjusting the jacket and wrapping it around me, "What's wrong with you walking around like this with your hair wet?"
I put my hand on my hair, "Oh...someone stole my clothes."
He looked at me in amazement, "Huh? Who would-- ...Oh..what a woman."
I looked at him with my wide eyes, "You know who she really is?? Wow."
He put his hands on the back of his neck, "Sure… there are a lot of troublemaking women here, but only she cares enough about you to do that."
I nodded to him. He gently and carefully put his hands around my shoulders, far away but close, "Let me take you to your room."
I didn't need to, but I didn't want to talk. So I didn't say anything.
There is a door in my room that leads to a balcony! But I haven't sat in there since I got back. I opened the door and motioned for him to come in. "You must be cold. I'll make you a cup of tea."
Lee nodded kindly, "Thank you."
After a while, I walked towards him and put down a cup of tea. He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes, trying to pretend that he was not looking at me, "Why do you like the night..?"
Looking at the moon, I replied, "I don't know, the breeze is amazing, I really don't know… I can't describe anything."
He said, "But I can describe you."
I looked at him, "Describe me?"
''Just like the moon, your face is round and gorgeous, Just like the sea, your eyes are so deep and charming.. Just like a rose, your lips are so elegant and gentle, Just like the sky, your voice is so sweet and calming, Just like The night, You're hair is so Dark and Shiny.''
My eyes widened, "Excuse me...?"
He cleared his throat and seemed like the bout of honesty and courage had disappeared, "Uh... just telling you, that's how I see you."
"I've never seen you so confused before."
He looked in front of him, avoiding my eyes, "Um, maybe you're right, there are such tremors, especially at night. You look damn beautiful, like a fairy or an angel. Dark clothes suit you, your hair is wet, and your face is devoid of makeup. This is very attractive."
"I don't want to shock you, but this seems suspicious..."
He straightened his seat, "Oh, apologies, ma'am."
I laughed lightly, and looked at him smiling. He said, "Do you know how much power you have over me just by smiling?"
The two of us were silent. He was always determined to put me in the corners of the room..
The problem is that I don't remember the last time I smiled without my smile quickly disappearing. Every time I feel as if the waves inside me are getting higher and stronger, as if it is taking me and knocking me into the mountains on the edge of the sea. The jokes are not funny, and I am not happy at all, but I smile hard and laugh, my mind, my damned mind.. Someone tells a joke and I find myself laughing hard, even though inside I feel shattered, disgusted, and wanting to get away. What violent waves I am experiencing..
After a period of contemplation, he said, breaking the silence, "You know, what happened? You were always quiet and did not talk, but among your loved ones, you were sociable, you talked a lot, and you smiled, now... you do not talk much, and every once in a while you get a bout of enthusiasm. You are silent, your silence hurts me."
"No matter how much I spoke, my words never seemed to arrive at all."
He looked worried, "What??" He said in a tender voice
"People talk, wanting others to understand. No, they talk because others understand them. Whenever I talk, I feel like I'm in a closed box, getting smaller and smaller gradually... No matter how much I talk... No matter how much I talk, things don't change... I'm getting tired."
"I don't want you to be just someone I talk to and have fun with, But I want to be your one and only, I want to be someone you can count on whenever you needed me. I can break this box, but if it makes you feel safe, if you get bored of talking, I will sit outside it, and I will talk, I will talk to you and laugh for you."
I smiled, "I don't plan on leaving the box, but I'm not ready to listen to your nonsense, frankly."
Tian Yang laughed, "Okay, okay.. I'll be quiet then."
"You know, this palace is very large, surrounded by high walls. Inside, it looks like a historical castle, with several houses suitable for every family. A wide sea that is owned only by us, blue, wide, and beautiful, but I wonder about the world in the back hill. It is said that they are from... The royal family indeed, but they do not go out into this world. Their surroundings lead them to all the countries and cities of the world, a beautiful, warm city..."
After I finished speaking, I turned and looked at him, "It's getting late, I'll go now. Good night."
I thought for a long time, for years and months, about a moment when I would open my heart and cry, but oh my God, I can't, I don't want to, I can't, I can say all the superficial things in the world, but to say that I'm in pain? I would rather die than cry in front of them. But the tears in my eyes are falling and I cannot stop them. I am fragile in front of this vast world, and in front of those mature and adult people who are full of nonsense. When others set me on fire, what right do I have to defend myself? When I'm already burned out...
In my previous life, I bound myself with a curse with 7 dragons. In my current life, I have already befriended two of them, the Shadow Dragon and the Snow Dragon. The third was the Ash Dragon. One of them has an arrogant personality and high self-confidence, but he is a good boy. Another is affectionate but distant and cold. He brings you close and then takes you miles away. The last one is a lovely and kind boy, educated and grateful, he is the most beloved in my heart. Makes me want to hug him.