" it doesn't hurt as much when you actually try to forget it " the paramedic said as they wheeled Dena's body away from the pathway in the woods.. I stood there, shaking not from the cold but from the trauma, from what I had just seen and witnessed
" can you try to tell us what happened " a cop moved towards me as she pulled out her pen and small book to write whatever I had to say down, what does a fifteen year old like me has to say...
" I... He... Her.. " I tried to speak but I couldn't, everything came out in little squeaks and hiccups as tears fell from my eyes and filled my cheeks.. I was still shaking even with the blanket the paramedic had put over my shoulder, hugging my knees to my chest...
" okay its fine, why don't you just try to calm down, we can take your statements tomorrow " the cop said again and patted my hand before walking off to join the other people while they taped the whole crime scene.
I looked ahead, staring at nothing in particular as I rocked my self back and forth, still shaking... I could see the cops taking pictures of her dead body.. Dena. Some of them were trying to look for finger prints and the paramedics gathered in one area, shaking their heads in shock.. I wanted to run up to the ambulance and open the bin bag that Dena's body was in, I wanted to slap her face to tell her that this joke wasn't expensive, I want her to say stop overreacting Eliza .. I wanted her to call me Eliza once again but I couldn't..
" everything will be alright baby.." A voice said engulfing me into a big hug, I didn't need to know who it was before hugging back, the tears still spilling. Mum, blood was on her forehead from where he had beaten her before dragging me out of the house..
I wanted to believe that everything was going to be alright but I couldn't. As I stared at the ambulance as it drove away, I couldn't help it but regret that the police had gotten here before I died, if only they had gotten here way back, Dena wouldn't have died.. I should have died...
" m..mum I...I..I..sh..should...have...d..died " I stuttered out as I stood up tossing the blanket away from my side.. The only thing I remembered was mum yelling and people staring as I collapsed..
END OF FLASHBACK
" Betty!!!! "
" yes? " my head shot up abruptly to look at Alex's eyes, she was staring at me oddly, waiting for me to talk.
" you just zoned out on me again. " she said and frowned. " I have been calling you for seconds now but you keep ignoring me " she said with pain evident in her voice..
I killed her.. I killed Dena ... I wasn't strong enough for her, I broke my promise, I failed her.. What if he sees Alex too, what if I lose her now what of he finds us ...
" you are scaring me Betty " Alex said again...
Where was I ?... I killed her I know it... My arrogance and ignorance killed her. I murdered my best friend.. I'm a killer, if only I had taken the bullet for her, I'd be dead and she'd be alive here in high school here ..
" Betty ! " she said again..
" I have to go. I'm not feeling well " I said hurriedly as I grabbed my bag from the seat beside me before scrambling off, out of class, and out of school, ignoring Alex's calls as I left her there, I'm not going to let her into my messed up life, ... Never!
?????
As I hurriedly put the keys into the door, I opened it but not without looking left and right before rushing into the house, and then shutting the door with a loud bang, I quickly bolted all the locks before slamming myself roughly against the door, sliding down to the ground, my hands found. my hair as I tangled my fingers in it, rubbing my temples as tears struggled to fall from my eyes... I can't live with this anymore, do I have to keep this?.. I can never have a perfect life, its all gone, dead..
I pulled myself into a ball, staring into thin air as I wiped my eyes continuously with the sleeves of my cloth, I can remember her smile, her laughter, her frown, her tantrums, her.. Her face, her messy attitude, her look, her look of hope as she got shot by him, I gave her that hope, I promised that everything was going to be alright and I didn't keep that promise, she is gone because of me. She came into my messed up life and I pulled her into my life, my stupid life, she tried to save me when I wasn't worth saving and I killed her... If only I had closed my door when she came along, if only I had ignored her smiles and laughter, she would still be alive and living without knowing of my existence.. The thought that I could have saved her and I didn't was the last thing that crossed my mind that afternoon before I let my self fall into a deep slumber..
?????
ADAM:
" hey man " Cole said as he sat his lazy ass on the couch in the arena, this was our small hideout, a place where we could disappear to for days without anyone finding us.
" dude don't cheat " I yelled at kelvin as I tried to get his feet off my face. We were here playing video games while curt was actually throwing a dart, Shawn was in the center of the room, huddled at one corner, reading a book, I'm confused that Shawn is a girl...
" I'm not cheating. If you are so into the game, you would ignore all that comes your way " kelvin said smirking.
" you don't expect me to ignore anything with the stench coming from your feet. Did you stick them into a dump? " I said and smirked back.
" nice one bro .. Fist bump " Cole said and I used my other arm to fist bump before turning back to kelvin who was rolling his eyes.
" someone is being a dick about things " curt said dropping his darts before flying over the couch and landing on my left side..
" I'm not being a dick... " kelvin said before smirking
" you are " curt said
" not "
" yes "
" not "
" yes and I win! " I yelled dropping the game pad on the table before smiling..
" that's not fare, curt made me lose " kelvin said
" I thought you said of you are into a game, you can ignore all that comes with it " I said grinning
" not fare, don't use my words against me Addy poo " kelvin said.
" do not call me that " I said frowning.
" okay Addy washy " kelvin said batting his eye lashes at me. I scoff before standing up from the couch, walking to the fridge at the back of the dart table, I brought out five cold beer cans and tossed it to Cole curt and kelvin before walking up to Shawn ..
" would you quit reading the book " I said collecting it from him..
" how to get a girlfriend ... Dude!! " I yelled reading the title before laughing out, the others followed too
" dude do you have balls? " Cole asked Shawn who shrugged and took the drink from me before walking up to the couch to take a seat.. I followed suit as I sat back beside kelvin.
" I thought you said there were gonna be girls " curt said to kelvin..
" oh trust me, there will be girls.. " kelvin said smirking and I couldn't help it, I joined in the smirk and soon we were all grinning at the thought of sexy girls in tights... Don't blame us we were teenagers...
?????
" and where do you think you are coming from? " her voice startled me ad I closed the door, I checked the time, it was 8pm, I haven't even reached my curfew and thats 11pm.
" mum " I started and walked to the sitting room where she was sitting, I could spot different drinks on the table and I didn't need a fortune teller to tell me she was drunk because hell I knew she was drunk.
" answer me Andrew " she yelled tossing the bottle at me, I ducked quickly and the bottle hit the wall, smashing into a million pieces. Anger welled up inside me...
" am not dad " I stated with hurt and anger in my voice...
" you just couldn't stop cheating right? " she said any her laughter followed, I stared at her oddly.
" mum " I said again, this time walking up to her, trying to hold her hand.
" Get the fuck off me you filthy bastard... I should have killed you when I had the chance " she said before pushing me away forcefully, making me slip as my leg hit one of the pieces of the broken bottle... I winced in pain before getting up
" go to hell mother "