"No!" I exclaimed. "I never wanted to be on the council. I only want to find the one who killed my family. Once justice is served I will restore my pack."
Sawn laughed, his head falling back but he was definitely not amused by my words. He looked bitter and then his expression changed showing me that he probably thought I was stupid.
"So what? You are going to find your mate and have many wolf kids, fix your pack." he stated.
Yes, maybe that was my plan, maybe it did sound a bit childish and rushed but I haven't thought that far yet. I had two weeks before the longing started and in that time I was planning to find the bastard that ruined my life. That was all.
"You do not get to comment on what I wish to do with my life" I said, my hand turning into fists on my thighs. "I have not thought that far yet. I know it sounds stupid but I do not wish to deny who I am, throw away my mate's bond and just be someone's lap dog."
"Is that how you see things?" he asked me, not sounding at all offended by my words. "Well, you might change your mind in two weeks, realize that having a choice is more important than you think."
I didn't say anything. I simply turned my head towards the window, staring blankly at the trees and the cars that passed us by. There was nothing to say really. It was obvious we viewed our lives, our species very differently and arguing about it was not in my plans. He was simply a helping hand, someone I could use to get to the one I wished to kill. Being liked by him, becoming friends was not one of my set goals.
The rest of the car ride was quiet. Until our first stop that was. We had been on the road for five hours now and both of us were tired. That's why Sawn stopped at the first motel he saw, a small place built like a block with white walls that had turned yellowish with the years and an empty pool filled with moss. Not the best option but that would have to do.
He did all the talking with the receptionist, a young man with a black beard and a flannel while I stood behind him waiting patiently to get to my room.
"One room with two single beds please."
"We are sleeping in the same room?" I whispered.
"No way I am letting you alone. The killer might still be out there trying to find you and I don't want to risk you stealing the cloth somehow and going off to kill him." he whispered back and I sighed. The truth was I had already considered the second option, the first though was what scared me the most. Did he care? Months had passed and no signs of him so would he really come back for me? To finish me off?
"Fine." I mumbled and followed Sawn who was now playing with the key he had been given. "Doesn't the council offer better accommodation during missions? You are not selling the job right." I commented as he twisted the key in the lock and revealed our room.
A small square with a very thin balcony that barely fit a person standing. Two single beds dressed in white linen and a small wooden table with a chair. There was also a bathroom with a shower head. The sink was chipped from one side, making it sharp and easy to cut yourself and as I looked up I noticed that the mirror had spots.
"When did they last clean this place?" I mumbled.
"Doesn't matter. We will stay here only one night. Then we have five more hours for the headquarters." Sawn informed me before he jumped on the bed he claimed as his.
"What do you think they will tell us to do?" I asked, curious.
"You mean what our next step will be?"
"Yes."
"They will probably ask you questions. Try to get some more information on the case and…"
"But I told you I don't remember anything."
"There are ways, don't worry. After you remember we might have our killer. Then they will give us some options for witches. We will go there with the council's order so they won't be able to deny us their services and we will track him. From there they will send troops to…"
"No."
"What do you mean no?"
"I want to find him. I want to kill him. I have to." I stated, looking at Sawn intensively.
"They will not let you do that."
"You have been rumbling all day about freedom of choice, about making your own path but now that I am saying what I want to do you are telling me that your little pals won't let me do it? You are full of contradictions."
"Not letting you do it is for your own good. That….thing…killed your whole pack in a night. You think you will be able to defeat it?"
"You have no idea what my own good is." I said. My heart was racing. I was angry and disappointed. I knew he was right. How someone like me would be able to win against someone like that but still I didn't want to simply stop, I didn't want to wait for someone to do it for me. This hole in my chest, how would it get filled? How would I heal when I wouldn't even be able to do this? My eyes were filled with tears by now, a very pitiful sight. Crying wasn't my thing, not because I wanted to look tough, not because I cared about how I looked but because crying did nothing. Me sitting on that bed and trying to wipe my tears, trying to stop myself did absolutely nothing.
"Alice…" Sawn called my name and sat next to me. "I…"
"I couldn't get out of bed…" I started saying, knowing that later I would regret it but I couldn't stop. I had to let it out. I had been silent for too long. "I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. Everyone…all of them are gone, my home, my family, my friends, hell, even my mate might be dead and I am left all alone wondering why am I still alive? Their souls were crushed! They will never come back! I will never get to see them again. I just can't stop thinking about it. This…finding who did it is the only thing that has me going. There is nothing left in me anymore. Just anger and sorrow. I need to do this. I need to…I have to…" Talking was no longer possible for me. I was crying so loudly, my whole body shaking and I felt Sawn pull me closer, caress my back as my face was buried on his chest. His touch felt warm, comforting and for the first time in months I felt the touch of another person, the calmness in a steady voice, the courage in encouraging words.
"It's going to be okay." He whispered to me. "You're right, you should see this to the end and I will help you. I promise.