I still remember it quite clearly. It was during the first days I was on my own after I left the strict rules of my home village. I was traveling the land and decided to stop in this quaint town down the road. I went to the market, hoping to spend the few pieces of gold I had on an outfit better suited for adventuring.
There were quite a lot of wares on sale. Unfortunately, the good stuff was way too expensive, and my simple elven clothes were plain better than all the cheap alternatives.
I was about to head back out into the field when I saw this buff dwarf lady carrying a cart filled with weapons and armor. She was unmistakably a traveling smithy of the highest caliber. Her armor was so impressive that I almost couldn't believe that it wasn't elven-made. It was light, yet durable. Elegant, yet functional.
I chatted up the dwarf and she told me her name, Gulda. I had heard about her before! She was the most famous smithy on this side of the world. I couldn't let the opportunity pass, I had to wear her armor, no matter what it took.
I begged her for a discount, and she eventually relented with a deal: "You know what? I'm making a new kind of armor, my most lightweight piece yet. Most people don't want to buy it, though. If you help me prove that it's just as good as the rest of my merchandise, I'll let you keep a spare piece for free."
I accepted without thinking. Her armor was top-notch, so her new models also ought to be good, right? The perfect outfit to start adventuring. Then, she revealed the ensemble, and well…
The outfit consisted of two pieces. The top piece covered my breasts, and nothing else. It was comprised of two metal cups tied together by a chain string. The bottom half wasn't much better. The best way I could describe it is as an enclosed chainmail loincloth.
At the dwarf's behest, I stripped out of my outfit and put the armor on. I felt like I was prancing around in my underwear. Chaffed like hell too, but a deal was a deal.
I stepped back to the street with heavy steps. The whole market was staring at me while I was wearing something that would make even a night escort blush. I had never shown that much skin in public since, well, since ever. Probably my birth. I was uncomfortable, to say the least.
The dwarf had gotten busy while I changed. She had created a stage that was surrounded by all kinds of pointy weapons. I started to get cold feet, but she reassured me that everything would be fine.
Gulda climbed on a box and began giving a speech to the market. She extolled the virtues of her new armor, how it made you invincible but didn't hinder your movements at all.
"That thing can't even protect you against the breeze!" someone in the crowd yelled.
"Oh really?" Gulda grabbed a mace and approached me.
"Wait!" I yelled. Despite my protests, she swung at me. The crowd gasped and I whimpered. I raised my hands and the mace hit me with full force. To my surprise, I was unharmed.
"See? This fine piece of enchanted armor can block all attacks…" Gulda then pelted me with arrows. While they hurt, it was more like I was hit by apples, rather than deadly projectiles. "…doesn't matter what type of weapon…"She swung her axe right into my cleavage, I barely felt it. "… it makes you completely invincible!"
The crowd clapped and lined up to buy the armor, Gulda sold it by the bush loads. Happy with the results of my demonstration, she let me keep the piece, a gift I took in stride.
I exited the market with my head held high. The new armor was great, and I got it for free. I didn't even bother to change back into my sensible elven clothing.
Just before I exited the town, I noticed that my string was beginning to get loose. The breastplate was sliding off my, well, chest, and the knots that held my loincloth were slowly getting undone. If it kept up, I would be naked before I even reached an inn.
I doubled back. Gulda must have given me the wrong size. Surely she would exchange the armor if I explained the situation.
I walked back to the market holding the armor to my body as if my life depended on it. A few farmers gave me a curious look as I walked past them. My nipples were starting to peek out of the metal cups. I bit my lip and prayed I could make it before the whole thing fell apart and left me naked on the road.
When I reached the market, the dwarf wasn't there, and neither was her cart. I started looking for her and noticed that I was not the only one. Every other woman who bought the armor was trying to keep it from falling out of their body. A few sported bruises on their exposed skin, as if something had hit them.
"Hey look, it's the assistant!" Someone had spotted me. I was surrounded before I knew what was happening.
"Give us our money back!"
"Scammer!"
"What? I don't know what you are talking about!" I yelled.
"Don't play dumb. We know the truth!" The women held the weapons used in the demonstration. The paint had been scratched off, revealing that they were made out of leather.
I realized that I'd been scammed as well and tried to explain my situation. The mob didn't listen to a word I said, they descended upon me in a big ball of anger. They stripped me of all my possessions, including my sensible elven outfit, to search for their missing coin. I don't remember much of how it happened, just the barrage of grabby hands pulling away everything I owned.
I was left stark naked, but the mob wasn't satisfied with my meager gold. "Let's put her in a yoke and tie her to a cart, she'll drive us around town while we look for her master!"
"Yeah, and then, straight to the stocks!"
I shook my hands and closed my eyes. "Please don't!"
But they did, or they tried anyway. Finding strength I didn´t know I had, I fled. I ran for my life with the mob behind me. They were relentless. I'm pretty sure I sprinted across all the town's streets as I attempted to escape. The mob might not have paraded me as they wanted, but everyone still got to see the ridiculous naked elf running and screaming for her life.
I finally managed to exit the town and run for the forest, where I lost my pursuers. I was broke and naked. That was some way to start adventuring…
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Peonie's mouth hung open. "I knew I recognized you!"
"Recognize? What do you mean? Where you in the mob?"
"Err, sorry I misspoke. I meant that I recognized the story! I heard it before, it was quite the infamous event back on Vineisse. Everyone heard of the elf and dwarf scammers and how the former got her comeuppance."
"Oh great..."
"What did you do afterward?"
"The only thing I could do. I trudged from town to town hanging my head in shame. I tried to steal clothes without much luck, and I did any menial jobs I could find from anyone crazy enough to hire the naked elf until I could afford a new pair of pants."
"I've been there too, thanks to a certain someone!" Liana glared at Celeria. "It's rough."
"Yeah, it sucks being naked. You feel everything, everywhere! The breeze, the branches, the dirt, the little bugs flying all over. It's so annoying!" Peonie added with a shiver.
"Says the spoiled noble. You can buy a thousand outfits if so much as a tear appears on your shirt!" Liana scoffed.
"I'm not rich, my family is! It's an important difference! I would have to go all the way back to the family state to get more gold! Not only is it quite far, but I would rather kill a thousand basement rats than give my sisters the satisfaction of seeing me humiliated …again."
"Honestly, I think Peonie has it roughest of us all," Celeria commented amidst sips of ale. "Not only is it more embarrassing for someone of her standing to be seen naked, but she is so naïve that she gets swindled out of the few coins she manages to earn."
"Hey! I'm not naïve!"
"Really? Remember that poor peddler that you gave your chemise to? I saw her dancing in the tavern the very next night in a full silk dress! I told you she was lying! You fall for every half-hearted sob story out there!"
"What was I supposed to do? Ignore her pleas and let her suffer? My conscience won't allow it."
"You gave away the one piece of clothing that the lich allowed us to wear!"
"Because it was the right thing to do! Besides, I do know when I'm being swindled. For example, this one time…"
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Since I hadn't had much luck with my last quest, I was searching for a new teacher to show me how to better defend myself. Luckily, I found a female knight called Acacias. She had been one of the fiercest royal guards the crown had ever known, at least until she took an arrow to the elbow-
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"Wait, I know this story," Celeria interrupted. "She was running a scam, right? A super strict boot camp made to swindle coin out of her trainees as they dropped out. You managed to keep up with her and she kept making up ridiculous training exercises to try to get you to quit, like completing an obstacle course naked."
"Y-yes, that´s broadly what happened. Have I told you the story before?"
"Yes, you did tell me this little Side Story about the Knights Training. In the end, you figured out she was an impostor and tricked her into doing the exercise first to set an example. While she did, you hid her clothes and called the guard. What I don´t remember is what happened to her afterward..."
"...w-well, she, err, ran into the woods and I never saw her again."
"Is that so?" Celeria asked, leaning towards Peonie. "Lots of impostors running around these days, huh?"
"I-I guess?"
"Well-"
"This looks like a fun table. Mind If I sit, girls?" An elven woman clad in green armor approached the table. Her messy hair fluttered across her pretty face and framed her emerald eyes. A faint smile never disappeared from her lips.
Liana choked on her drink. "It's you!"
"It's who?" said Peonie.
"Don't you recognize her? She is one of the elves that was chasing after you!"
Peonie observed the elf. After a second of silence, she stood up and reached for her scabbard.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to try to arrest you. My shift just ended and they don't pay us extra hours, I just want to unwind for a spell. Can I sit?"
Both Peonie and Liana exchanged confused looks, but Celeria smiled. "By all means! It's nice to see another elf around here, even a half-breed like you."
"Half-breed? Wow, it´s true what they say about you purebloods. Better mixed than inbred I say."
Despite the smiles on both elves ´ faces, their glares were anything but cordial towards each other.
"So, err, I don´t think I caught your name last time we met." Peonie tried to defuse the tension.
"My name is Toshi." The elf sat. "What are you gals talking about?"
"You know, embarrassing stories."
"About naked women, apparently..."
"Ah! I got a good one! Listen to this…"