I was walking down the shining streets of our capital city with the best company in the land, our gorgeous Queen herself, and Roana, my captain. Remember her? The tall redhead with short hair? The one that tied you up? Look at that frown, of course, you remember her.
Anyway, we were about to unveil a statue of our fair Lady. It was a massive marble sculpture that towered over the surrounding households and had been under construction for the better part of a year. My captain and I had been assigned to supervise its assembly.
"I trust everything went well?" my Queen asked.
"On the contrary, my Liege, everything went wrong. But not to worry, I rectified the situation and the statue now looks almost as beautiful as you," my captain replied.
"Oh? Pray tell, what happened?"
"It's almost my fault my Liege. I shouldn't have assigned Officer Toshi to overlook the construction." Roana took a deep breath. "To be more punctual, the first problem started at the quarry..."
"Ah yes, If memory seves, the women of the town of Calizia had to extract the marble. What happened?"
"They were lazing around, that's what happened. They had only extracted half their quota. Officer Toshi had been too forgiving in her supervision."
The Queen stopped walking to look into my eyes. "Is that true, Toshi?"
"I reserve the right to defend myself until after we unveil the statue," I said.
"Very well, how did you fix the problem, Roana?"
"The only way I could, my Lady, forced labor. I doubled the shifts and stationed soldiers to hurry along the miners with their whips."
"Oh my. That sounds excessive."
"It wasn't, your Majesty. They were still going too slow. To make this strategy more effective, we stripped the workers of their outer clothing so that our whips could strike them directly. This disciplinary action made them pick up the pace. Needless to say, Officer Toshi was made to join the miners in their punishment."
"It still hurts a bit to sit, but we extracted the marble all right," I said with a smile.
"…I see. What happened next?"
"Next, the marble was given to the artisans, so that they could sculpt and paint it in your likeness. Once more, I assigned Toshi to supervise them, and once more, she disappointed."
"How?"
"Well, you know how these bohemian types are. They sat around the lavish halls of their guild smelling oils and twiddling their thumbs in pigments. When I told them to hurry up, they replied that they couldn't rush the oils. Toshi, of course, allowed them to lounge around and do nothing when they should be working.
"So, I inspired them all right. Until their work was complete, a quarter of them would be randomly selected each day to pose naked for the students of the art academy. The apprentices would paint a very lifelike portrait that I would bestow to random members of the aristocracy."
The Queen almost gasped, but she retained her characteristic composure. "How scandalous! …although I guess that explains the sudden popularity of naked portraits around my court. Why would you do that?"
"Because, If they didn't want to be seen naked by half the nobility, they would have to work twice as fast on the statue. I made Toshi an honorary model for the whole period as well so that she could properly do her job one way or another."
"I believe my oh-so-thoughtful captain gifted one of my paintings to you, my Liege."
"She actually did. I wondered why I received that..."
"I hope you like it! It is absolutely lifelike! You can practically count the hairs around my cu-"
"Enough! You will refrain from using vulgar language around me."
"Sorry, my Liege."
My captain loudly cleared her throat. "In any case, once the artisans were done, it was time for the builders to assemble the sculpture. Their job was subpar too, as Officer Toshi proved to be a too lenient quartermaster."
The Queen sighed. "Let me guess, you humiliated them into efficiency too?"
"You learn quickly, your Majesty. Did you know that in antiquity, human athletes would compete naked? Well, if nudity is the best state for physical exercise, why don't we apply that logic to the builders?"
My Queen narrowed her lovely emerald eyes. I could see my captain recoiling ever-so-slightly under her gaze. "You made them work naked? In the middle of the city, right at the town's square, where everyone will see them?!"
"W-why yes! If they wanted their exposure to end, all they had to do was finish the statue. As an added incentive, the slowest worker of the day would have to return home without any clothes on her back. "
"… Now that you mention it, I think I did see a glimpse of that. So that's why my subjects were running around without clothes..."
"Officer Toshi joined the unlucky builder's plight each night, of course, to help with the motivation, of course."
"Of course."
"I-it´s not that I enjoy it, My Liege. It´s just the best way to motivate our workers while following your benevolent laws. If I can´t use the punishments of old, I have to get more...creative."
"You know, Roana. I´m starting to think that there is another, more err, primal reason you have the curious urge to strip your underlings of their clothing..."
"I don´t know what you mean, My Liege." We stopped walking, for we had arrived at the town square. A crowd of loyal subjects cheered at the Queen. In front of us was a three-story high sculpture covered by a cloth. "And after all those setbacks, we arrive at today. It is with great pride that I unveil this magnificent statue!"
Roana pulled the curtain and unveiled the sculpture. It was a beautiful recreation of our Queen that perfectly encapsulated her undying beauty … for about two minutes. After that, her arms fell apart, the paint bleached and cracks appeared all over her legs.
The Queen was horrified. "I thought you said the construction was a success?! Why is my statue falling apart at its inauguration?"
"I-I…"
Roana was at a loss for words, so I stepped in front of the Queen. My time had come. "As I tried to explain to my captain… The quarry stopped working because the quality of the marble was too poor. We weren't "lazing around", we were searching for a better vein. Lady Roana made us strip mine the soft stone anyway, and this is the result."
"But-"
"The paint…" I continued. "…requires very precise mixing. If the oil and pigments are out of balance, it will roast in the sun, like it's happening now. This artistic alchemy requires concentration, which is hard to muster when you are worried about a Countess hanging your naked portrait in front of her whole household."
"That's not-"
"And assembling a statue is delicate work. If you rush it, the joints might not join properly, and you can see what happens."
"Captain, is it true that Officer Toshi warned you about all of this?"
"Well, yes, but-"
"But nothing. Officer Toshi, you are hereby promoted to Lieutenant. Captain, you will start rebuilding the statue anew, and this time I will personally aprove of any disciplinary actions against the workers, understood?"
Roana looked down in defeat. "Understood."
"And one more thing. You are right about the need to motivate our laborious women, so you'll serve as the "inspiring" example this time around. I'm sure our workers can think of exciting ways in which you can help increase productivity. Your new Lieutenant will make sure that you comply."
I grinned at the captain, who didn't even bother to look back at me. It was the beginning of a lovely friendship.
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"And what happened next?" Celeria asked.
"Well, we started over. As you can expect, the workers made the captain experience her own punishments. The miners had her join their work in the same conditions she had given them. The artisans used their breaks to capture her bare figure on several canvases and sculptures. The builders had her lend a hand in the construction but without her armor."
"Huh, an eye for an eye..."
"Now that I think about it, I don't think my Captain wore any clothing during that time when we rebuilt the statue."
"And you still work for her, just like that? Did she forgive you? If I were in her shoes I would still be carrying a grudge."
"Eh, kinda. She tries to forget about the whole ordeal. She would have succeeded If not for the nude painting of her that I hang above my quarters. It's quite the lovely piece, the detail on her blush is impressive, as is the detail on her bush."
"Wow, did she let you get away with that?"
"Yeah, on the condition that I also hang my nude painting alongside it. It's worth it just to see her grimace each time she walks to the room."
"I think the Queen is right. This is a game for these two..." Liana whispered at Celeria.
"A pervert deserves a pervert I guess."
Toshi´s sharp ears twitched. She coughed. "Besides, after the statue was done, your friend here broke the Queen's ring, and, well …priorities shifted."
"That's why you are here, right? To capture her! There is no way that you decided to coincidentally stop at this inn just to grab a drink," Liana accused.
"Eh," Toshi shrugged. "You are right in that I'm hunting someone, but it's not your friend. I'm after the trail of a far more heinous bandit, a shapeshifter."
"A shapeshifter, huh? Tell me more." Celeria leaned close to the other elf.
"Well …after the ring incident, our Queen decided to stay inside her castle to avoid showing her face in public. The shapeshifter took advantage of the situation by impersonating her and going around the kingdom demanding tribute and taxes from the peasants. Her greed was so great that we almost had a rebellion on our hands."
"Damn, that's quite the crime."
"Indeed. Our intelligence suggests that this particular doppelganger is quite the con artist. She has impersonated all manner of people in the past, including a famous dwarf smithy and a human knight."
Celeria stood from her chair and paced around the table. "…Is that so? Lucky for you, I believe I've found your shapeshifter, right here!" The elf twisted Peonie's arm against her back and pushed her face onto the table.
"Celeria, what are you doing? Stop!" the brunette pleaded.
"Yeah, what the hell?!" a confused Liana yelled.
"I suspected that one of you had been replaced by another person, but now I know for sure that this woman is not Peonie!"
"Liana, I think she is the impostor! Help me!" cried the brunette. Toshi took a small crystal out of her bag and hovered in front of the supposed impostor. The artifact glowed brightly.
"Wow, she is a doppelganger. Or something not human, at the very least."
The fake Peonie stopped pleading and tried to force her way to freedom, even attempting to bite Celeria´s fingers. "How did you know?" she asked in between growls.
"Bits and pieces of contradictions. For example, you didn't say anything when I lied about us having a naked cartwheel race in the middle of the market."
"You didn't?" Liana asked in a half-disappointed tone.
"Don´t be ridiculous... We did that at the inn. I assumed she remained quiet because she was too ashamed to even try to remember, but now I know better. She also didn´t correct me when I gave a false ending to her story, Acacias didn´t flee, she was sent to the stocks."
"That's how you deduced it was her? That's still quite a leap in your deduction. Maybe the alcohol was getting to her and she was misremembering some details."
"What actually convinced me was that she didn't recognize Toshi despite you doing so. She also didn't seem too worried about getting arrested, even after we heard how your Queen punishes transgressions."
"Oh wow, good investigative work." Toshi congratulated Celeria.
"That's not all, I've also figured that this woman is the fake knight from her very own story. It´s the only way she knew so many details about it. She took Peonie's shape to try and get revenge. The only question that remains is, what have you done to the real Peonie?"
Celeria pulled on the doppelganger's arms, causing her to squeal in pain. "Ouch! I did nothing, I swear! That woman left town to capture a bandit or a ghoul, or some other nonsense. I just took the chance to impersonate her and see If I could get a cut of her family's fortune!"
"Aren't you going to arrest her?" Liana asked Toshi, who was busy finishing Celeria's ale while the other elf was preoccupied.
The elf finished drinking and cleaned her lips. "Sure. Tomorrow, when my shift starts."
"W-what are they going to do to me?" questioned the doppelganger.
"You impersonated our Queen and almost instigated a rebellion, I think you know very well what kind of punishment awaits you," Toshi replied, dragging her thumb across her neck.
The brunette lost all color. "You can't! Mercy! Please!"
"Sorry, I don't make the rules, I enforce them."
"If I may," Celeria interrupted. "I think I have an idea on how you can make amends and save your neck at the same time, you shape-shifting snake."
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Sporting mithril chainmail, gorgeous leather boots, and a fireproof green cloak, Celeria was talking to a familiar brunette on the bar of the local tavern.
"…and so I cut her a deal. Since you are also wanted by the Elven Crown, she will keep impersonating you and take your punishment instead. This way, the elves will no longer try to arrest you. As a bonus, I've got your bounty, so I was able to afford all this new equipment." Celeria did a little twirl to show off her new gear. The real Peonie stared at her coldly. "…You can say thanks now."
"Do you know what my punishment was supposed to be?"
"Kinda? Something about stripping you naked, throwing you into an open dungeon, and then punishing you with an evil spirit and a weirdly long list of tools like ropes, feathers, paddles, and other stuff?"
"Yes! When the elves go and watch their Queen's prisoner squeal and squirm in her cell, you know whose face they will see? Whose body will be pelted by tomatoes?"
"Uhhh…"
"Mine!" Peonie turned beet red. "Everyone will laugh, mock, and jeer at a completely faithful copy of me! What if my sisters hear of this? I will be even more of the family's laughingstock!"
"Hey, would you rather suffer that punishment yourself?"
"N-no, but-"
"Then relax. I mean, sure, an entire elven kingdom will technically see you naked from head to toe while being sentenced with the cruelest punishments the Queen can think about, but you are not the one actually on the pillory. That´s gotta count for something, right?"
Peonie whimpered and sat down, her legs having suddenly lost their strength. Celeria embraced her friend, passing her a mug of ale.
"You know what? I know just the stories to cheer you up. One even involves the elven captain that was chasing after you. You'll love them…"