"All right, this ancient scrying spell should tell us all there is to know about you." Min was sitting cross-legged on the wooden floor, a magic circle drawn in chalk around her. There was a crystal ball in front of her, the two apprentices at her side.
"Why didn't we do this in the first place?" Min asked, wearing naught but a potato sack and her old cape. Acacia was tired of losing her robes, so she decided she would not give Min anything else to wear until she dispelled the curse.
"Because it's hard, I need Fica's help to do this, and I didn't know your curse could affect me. Now stay still." Fica and Acacia began mumbling a monotone chant. Considering the scenery, Min was half-afraid she was going to end up as a blood sacrifice… They wouldn't hold that big of a grudge, right?
Strange runes began to appear on the ball, glowing faintly like stars in the night. "Yes, I see. You do have a curse etched across the fabric of your very soul, quite a complex one…" Acacia narrowed her eyes to decipher the message. "It seems that the fairies were correct after all. You have what's called the Jester's Curse."
"A powerful hex that brings bad luck to you. Except, it doesn't attract tragic misfortune, but the kind of mayhem that is liable to make other people laugh at you. In this case, the spell seems geared to favor stripping you over most other forms of humiliation," Fica explained. "Huh, I guess you got cursed by a pervert or someone who really fancies you in a twisted way."
"O-or maybe, just someone with a taste for physical comed-"
"No. If what I´m seeing is true, then Fica´s explanation is more likely. The curse does spread to other people around you as well. The longer you spend with them, the higher the chance they get affected. Also, the more attractive they are, the more potent the curse, curiously enough."
"I figured as much…" Min replied with a deep sight. But hey, considering how she hadn't been able to find a pair of pants for so long, that must mean that the curse found her drop-dead gorgeous right? A small boost to her self-esteem.
"Wait, attractive by what standards?" Acacia asked.
"By the standards of whoever cast the curse." Fica replied.
"Hmm, you know, we could run experiments to determine the type the caster likes."
"And what good would that information be to us?"
"Maybe it will help us narrow down-"
"Can we please focus on the curse first?" Min interrupted the conversation. "Is that all there is to it?"
"Hmmm, it seems like there is more than a curse here. You'd also been gifted with Renown. Most people believe you are a famous heroine or knight just by looking at you."
"Huh, so she wasn´t lying..."
"Besides that, you have a charm that gives you a bit of elemental resistance against the cold and warmth," Fica continued.
"That's not true!" Min interrupted. "I remember this one time that I fell in a pile of snow and almost froze my ass off!"
"Just because it protects you from harm doesn't mean that you are numb to the sensation. Let's see what else... Huh, a shaving hex. No hair will grow below your nose, that's a popular one among nobles."
"So that's why…" Min looked down and poked at her hairless sex.
"And there are a few more things here, but the only one I recognize is Instant Polyglot, you can read and talk every language that the caster of the curse knows. Huh, you could earn a fortune at the Royal Library by translating some of their old tomes."
"So, what´s the diagnosis? Do you think you can dispel the curse?"
"Dispel? No." Acacia shook her head. "But maybe we can dilute it. If we share it with enough people, like the whole town, for example, it should weaken enough to be practically harmless. That's how we can cure this thing."
"And how can I even pass this curse to someone else? Do I have to live in the town for like years, or something?"
"Well, it depends. Usually you can pass curses by intimate contact, like kissing..."
"I-I won't have to kiss the whole town, right? C-cause that's a bit too much…"
"Nah, we'll do it magically instead. That will save us a sloppy afternoon. Ready Fica? One, two three!" A bright light exploded outward from the crystal ball, its accompanying shockwave pushing all three girls down before expanding outside.
"So, did it work? Eeep!" Min's potato sack disintegrated under her fingers. The mages' robes disappeared too. Everything they wore turned to scrap, and the three girls stood fully nude. Min's short cape became the only garment that somehow survived.
"S-so, I guess the curse is stronger than I expected…" Acacia said with a weak smile, hands thrown around her body to preserve what modesty they could.
"Do you think it affected anyone else?"
"EEEEEP!" The trio heard a yell coming from the town. They opened a window and stared at pure pandemonium.
Naked people squealing and streaking across the street to find cover. A gorgeous milkmaid trying to hide behind her trusty cow, a cute redheaded baker desperately trying to make a dough skirt to cover herself. A precious blonde girl who was stomping grapes now was tripping over them as she tried to escape.
It seemed like a sizeable portion of the population in the village had their clothes vanish in the blink of an eye. Not everyone thought, just the more "pretty" half.
"Well, at least my ass won't be the only one remembered in this town," Min tried to find a silver lining in the situation.
Some of the women banded together to support each other, huddling in a tight formation."What happened?!
"They happened! I saw the light come from the wizard's tower." The milkmaid pointed at Min and company. "Let's get them!"
"Oh no..."
---
Min closed her eyes and winced. She shuffled her bare feet together and scrunched her face. Her nose itched badly, so much so that she half-wished a tomato hit her head-on to have some sort of relief. At least they let her keep her cape, probably because it covered nothing and only made her look a bit more ridiculous.
Min was bent over, hands and neck trapped in the holes of the pillory placed in the town's square. Her hands clenched into little fists, her legs clenched, her toes curled over. This wasn't her first rodeo, but it never got any easier. Her heart thumped like a professional drummer, the fire of shame burned in her chest.
Still, she liked to think that she was handling the situation better than the two squirming mages at her sides. Fica and Acacia also joined her, also in their birthday suits. They both were wriggling and struggling against the stocks. At least Min was suffering with dignity, you know?
Fica tried to push against the stocks, stomping her long, brown legs into the grounds in a childish fit when she didn't make any progress. Acacia tried to trash against her bindings like a stuck tiger, but it only made an even bigger spectacle out of herself, as her considerable chest spun around with her struggle.
Well, even if the two got free somehow, what were they going to do about the mob? The crowd in front of them didn't seem to be in the mood for mercy. Most of the women in the village were there, shouting, pointing, and some even throwing vegetables.
Half were angry that they got stripped in public, the others feeling scorn that the spell didn't deem them beautiful enough. In any case, no one was happy with the trio, and they showed it.
One such display of anger came in the form of an egg, flying high and proud towards Acacia's glossy locks. The mage winced and closed her eyes, bracing for impact. The egg stopped in midair and was telekinetically tossed aside as a tired wizard approached his apprentices.
"I talked to the council of yeomen. They seemed to have calmed down a bit, and agreed to grant you mercy."
"T-thanks master. Does that mean that we are going to be released?"
"No. Not yet at least. You are still getting punished for cursing half the town. Well deserved if you ask me. You didn't even manage to dilute the curse, you only made a weak copy that infected all the womenfolk! You are lucky that is such a sloppy duplicate that it should fade away in some weeks."
"Then what was that about mercy?" an angry Fica asked.
"They were going to banish you, but I convinced them to let you stay. Well, except for our friend here." The wizard turned to talk to Min." When they heard the curse came from you, they insisted on expelling you as soon as your punishment ends."
"Aww…"Min lamented with a deep sigh. "But what about my curse? Is it weaker now? Is that why my cape is intact?"
The wizard stroked his beard. "No, I'm afraid it is as strong as ever. Your cape is somewhat of a special case because it has some sentimental value to you. That provides it a certain level of protection from the curse."
Huh, Min was indeed thankful to Touly for the cape… but that did not help her at all! It's not as if she can force herself to get attached to every robe or boot she comes across. How was she going to become a heroine if she couldn't even wear a pair of pants? "So, that's it? There is nothing you can do?"
The wizard shook his head. "I don't think so, but I'm not the only wizard on the continent. The headmistress of the magic academy in the Eastern Mountains is older than the kingdom itself. She might know a way to dispel the curse."
"Yeah, but that's in the mountains. Do you want to send her there naked? To suffer the wind and snow?" Fica scoffed. "It's going to be torture. Instead, you should seek out the help of the Lady of the Ring, she is the ruler of an all-female elven kingdom near the western part of the country. She'll know what to do."
"Ugh, but those elves are such sticklers for etiquette. Do you think they would let a naked vagrant get an audience with the Queen? She is liable to get thrown in the dungeon just trying to get in, and I heard horror stories about what the elves do to their prisoners," Acacia interjected.
Min gulped. Great, either an elf's sadistic dungeon or the freezing mountains. Was there no other choice?
"No," Acacia continued. "I think you should just keep adventuring, face the curse head-on, and show it who's boss, you know?"
Min quivered, a tomato just buzzed right next to her ear. "I´m not feeling much of a boss right now, to be honest. How would that work?"
"While adventuring, you'll find more clothing in the form of loot and gifts that will actually have an emotional connection to you because you earned them. They will be immune to the curse. That's how you can beat this hex, and it will be the ultimate rag to riches story, if you think about it."
"Hmm," Min grimaced. Acacia sounded hopeful, but was that option any better? She could try the slow burn of building a reputation as a naked adventuress and eventually find a pair of pants or try a relatively more painful adventure to get this over with quickly. "I'll think about it... Eeep! Come on, at least hit my nose!" Min yelled as a tomato hit her thigh.
"You'll have a lot of time to think about it before you are released," the wizard said, turning around. "See you after your punishment, girls."
As they were left alone with the mob, all three girls remembered their predicament. Goosebumps formed on their arms as the crowd renewed their assault and their insults. Min pushed them aside, her mind preoccupied with the difficult decision. At least she now had some sort of direction to move forward, and become the heroine she knew she was destined to be.