Liana polished the oak staff on her shop window for the third time that day. When the item shone with the reflection of her pretty face, she straightened her silk robe and sat behind the counter, propping up her boots atop it. She was a mousy redhead, with a bit of a pale complexion.
Business was slow that day. Of course, it had been slow since she opened up shop. At this rate, she would not be able to pay her debt to the Royal Court, which meant... Liana shivered. Either the mines or the fields, or maybe the King would deem fit to turn her into their newest jester. Why wasn´t she able to sell anything?
Maybe she didn't have attractive wares? Nonsense, her magic staffs were top notch. And even the commoners could enjoy her enchanted items, like the self-cleaning goblets or the floating sponges.
No, all she needed was a way to attract customers. Maybe she could pay the bar wenches to promote her business? A couple of half-naked women were sure to attract attention...
The redhead noticed a cloaked figure cutting across the market's crowd outside her window. Her obscured face twitched left, right and behind her. She locked eyes with Liana and entered the shop.
"Goddess, Liana, is that you?" The mysterious person lifter her hood. She was a beautiful woman with flowing brown hair and determined green eyes. Liana recognized her.
"Peonie!? …What happened to you?" The brunette was a mess. Her cloak was in tatters, with more holes than a slice of cheese, and it was evident that she wore nothing else underneath it. She had a sandal in one foot while the other went bare. Mud and grass stains were scattered across her skin as if she had picked a fight with a forest and lost.
The brunette embraced the mage. "I could ask you the same thing! I haven't seen you since our fight with the lich!" Peonie squeezed harder, and the mage could almost hear her bones start to crack. "You know, when you teleported away and left us to fend her off on our own?!"
"I´m s-sorry! I s-swear I was trying to teleport the lich away instead!" Liana replied, trying to squeeze away from the hug. "B-b-but you are alive, so everything went well, I h-hope?"
Loud shouting could be heard coming from down the market, along with the sound of marching soldiers. Peonie grabbed Liana's shoulders. "Listen, we can catch up later. I need a huge favor. There's a squad of elven knights coming after me and I need a place to hide!"
"Elves? All the way here? Why are they after you?"
"You know the all-female elven kingdom to the west? The one ruled by a queen with a magical ring?"
"Yeah, the famous Lady of the Ring. But Celeria would be remiss if I didn´t remind you that they are half-elves, and not full-blooded-"
"Whatever. Did you know that the ring was possessed by an evil demon?"
"Of course, everyone does. That's where it's magic comes from."
Peonie stepped back and looked down. "…I didn't know."
Liana furrowed her brow. "You didn't."
"I did. I accidentally …broke it."
"What?!"
The brunette released Liana and twirled her fingers. "I thought I was doing them a favor, you know? That I was dispelling a curse and whatnot. Instead, the demon got free and wreaked havoc."
"You don't say?! Ancient spirits are no joke, what did he do? Did he lay waste to the kingdom, burned the countryside and pillaged their villages?"
"N-no, nothing so heinous, he caused a more mischievous kind of mayhem. He lifted the queen's dress over her body and left her in naught but petticoats in front of the whole court. Then, he tied it dress over her head as if it was a bag to keep her from covering up. Kind of like what happened to you now that I think about it..."
"That's not so bad. I mean, it wasn´t fun when the fairies did that to me, but-"
"That wasn't the end. He then reanimated the suits of armor that decorated the hall, gave them paddles, and ordered them to spank Her Highness. The queen hopped all over her palace to try to flee, her squeals echoing in the halls with each strike on her buttocks."
"Oh my."
"That's not all. The armors then turned on to the royal court, trying to lower people´s pants and spank them. Some were armed with feather dusters and endeavored to tickle them instead. Floating brushes painted obscenities on people´s faces, pies flew from the pantry an towards the nearest maids. The spirit played every practical prank it could think of on anyone it could lay it hands on."
"…That's terrific-ble. It's terrible!" Liana covered her mouth. It might have seemed like she was shocked by the tale, but in reality, she was hiding her grin. Stuck up elves and snobbish nobles; she couldn't think of more deserving victims.
"Indeed, it was utterly horrible. Everyone was caught in this whirlwind of perversion, but me. It seemed like the demon had some gratitude after all. I couldn't fight back against such a powerful fiend, so I ran, and well…"
"Now the queen wants your head."
"I wish. While I escaped, the queen yelled all the horrific things she would do if she caught me..." Peonie paused and swallowed. She blushed brighter the more she recalled the queen's words. "S-she promised to strip me of all my earthly possessions and lock me in the pillory in an open-air dungeon so that everyone in the kingdom could see my punishment. Then, she would unleash the full wrath of the spirit to torment me day and night."
"…Wow."
"I know, right? I've been running from her knights for days. You have to help me!"
"I don't know. Messing with those elves is pretty dangerous…" Peonie tugged at Liana´s sleeve. The expression on her face resembled that of a lost kitten, Liana couldn't resist. "…But, you know what? Maybe we can help each other."
The redhead grabbed a conical headdress and placed it atop Peonie's head. Her brown curls turned blonde, her eyes became blue, and her skin acquired a bronze tan.
Liana passed her friend a mirror and the former brunette gasped. Peonie touched her hair in disbelief. "See? Now they won't recognize you." Liana extended her hand. "A hundred gold coins please!"
"What?! But-"
The door was kicked open. Two women with pointy ears entered the store. They were each clad in elegant green armor and armed with broadswords. The one out front was tall and had cropped red hair. A scowl seemed permanently glued to her brow. The other elf had messy dark locks fluttering all over her face and a curious glint in her emerald eyes. Unlike her partner, she was giving out a faint smile. They were both quite beautiful, as was the norm of their species.
The tall one approached while her companion browsed the store. "Hail humans. I'm Roana, captain of the guard for the Lady of the Ring, and this is lieutenant Toshi. We are looking for ...you! You are coming with us!"
The captain drew her sword, prompting Peonie and Liana to step back. The lieutenant rushed into action and grabbed Roana's shoulders before she could do anything drastic. "Wait, cap. Are you sure this is her? She seems a bit... different than I remember."
"Can't you see, Toshi? Look at those eyes, that expression. I have that face burned into my memory. I would recognize that woman no matter what disguise she took."
"Her face is similar, yes. But everything else is not. Let's not get hasty."
"I don't know who you think I am, fair elf, but I can assure you that I'm not who you are looking for. I never even seen a non-human before in my life! Right, friend?" Peonie elbowed Liana.
"Y-yes. My friend here has lived quite a sheltered life. She has never even left town."
Roana stepped up to Peonie and stared deep into her eyes. The human recoiled under the weight of the gaze. "If you are not the accursed destroyer of the ring, then who are you?"
"I, ehmm, well... I am the proprietor of this shop, of course." Liana shot her friend a mean side-eye. Peonie nervously smiled.
"Oh, so you are Liana? Owner of Liana's Magical Emporium?" asked Toshi.
"Y-yes!"
"The owner, huh?" Roana paced around Liana. "And that makes you …what?"
"Well, I am, hmmm…"
"She is my servant, of course! She takes care of the shop while I am away."
"I am?" Peonie discreetly clasped her hands, winking her left eye at Liana so frequently it almost looked like she had something lodged inside it. "I mean, sure. I am."
"You watch the shop when she is away, but not out of town, apparently."
"E-exactly."
The knight paced around the two humans. She sized them up and down. "Hmm. A shop and a servant? My, aren't you the rich bourgeois. Practically a noble, huh?"
"Y-yeah."
"But, if you are who you say you are, why is your servant dressed in a fancy robe while you, the wealthy merchant, are clad in tatters?"
"I, well, ermm, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for that…" Peonie looked at Liana, who simply shrugged.
"There is? Well then, I´m waiting for it."
Peonie snapped her fingers. "Got it! She is wearing my clothes, and I'm wearing hers!"
"What!?" Liana asked.
"I'm not sure what you got, but I'm not "getting" your story. Why would you willingly exchange outfits and wear those rags?"
"Well, you see, ermm… It wasn't willing. This woman was robbing me before you came in. She forced me out of my robes, and told me that she was taking over the store!"
"No no no. That's a-"
Peonie shot Liana a pleading look; her lips silently mouthing the word "please".
"…That's true. This woman is a slave driver and I had enough. I decided to take what rightly belongs to me." Roana pointed her sword at Liana's neck. "Yikes!"
"Well then, thief, go ahead. Return the stolen clothes to your master."
"Huh?"
"Eh?"
"Strip!"
"Why?!"
"As knights, we can´t turn a blind eye to crime. So you better make it right, or we will exact justice ourselves, using our swords."
"But, I'm not-" Peonie looked deep into Liana's eyes. The redhead couldn't find the strength to betray her. "O-ok. I'll do that. R-right away."
Liana pretended to struggle to untie the knots that held her robe together. She fumbled for several minutes, delaying her embarrassment for as long as she could.
"For crying out loud." Roana swung her sword and cut open the robe. It fell in twain near the floor. The mage screamed and her hands shot to cover her slender body. She was wearing a translucent chemise as underwear; It did a poor job of hiding her smallish breasts.
The captain kicked the ruined fabric towards Peonie. "Sorry about that. I'm sure a tailor can fix it." She returned her sword to its position just below Liana's neck.
"What now?"
"Your master isn't wearing shoes nor underwear. I assume those are stolen too, correct? So, you have to keep going."
Liana gritted her teeth. She kicked her boots off. Her dainty feet touched the polished wood underneath them.
Her chemise was another story. She grabbed the garment's hem for the better part of a minute. Sweat rolled down her forehead, her heavy breathing threatened to make her breasts pop out of the lingerie. When the angry elf lifted her sword again, Liana acquired the courage to throw her undergarment aside. Now there was nothing left protecting her modesty.
"Ha! Told ya that humans didn't shave down there," commented Toshi.
Liana's face acquired the color of the hair, but Roana didn't lower her sword. "Come on! What more could you possibly want? I'm already naked!"
Toshi walked behind her captain. "I don't think this is our target, cap. A meek girl like her would not go to such lengths to cover for a stranger. Let's move on."
"Yes, do that! I-I mean, thank you, brave knights. This woman has been punished for her crimes. May you have luck finding your quarry."
Roana narrowed her gaze. "Is that it? This criminal stripped you of your dignity, tried to take over your store, and you want us to leave?! We should drag her straight to the pillory!" Liana and Peonie looked at each other. They both shook their heads.
"Oh no. We don't have those here," Peonie lied.
"No wonder human cities are such cesspools of scum and villainy. They let their criminals get away unpunished! If the authorities won't do anything, I'll teach this thief a lesson, the elven way."
"Don´t you mean the half-elven way?" a certain mumbled.
"You are not helping yourself, Liana."
"But cap-"
"No excuses, Toshi. Punishing the wicked is our duty as knights. The ring destroyer will have to wait until we see this through."
Toshi shrugged. "Eh, you are the boss."