"You sure she isn't here?"
The captain of the guard looked at the empty stocks and then back at Peonie. "Yup, she's gone. Don't know where she went, don't care either."
"Told you she was not going to stick around," Celeria replied, crossing her arms.
"Yes, but didn't you hear she was captured by the knights? She should be in the stocks or the dungeon. You don't think she escaped?"
"Eh, she is a seasoned adventurer… I think. I'm sure she has more than a little experience evading the law. Nim probably already moved to the next town with all the loot we couldn't grab."
"If you say so…"
"So, now that our little detour is over, where do you want to go?"
"Hmm," the human adventurer pushed a lock of her hazel hair away from her face and stroked her chin, deep in thought. "Oh, I heard there's this all-female elven kingdom north of the Capital. I kind of want to visit and see what's-"
"Half-elf kingdom," Celeria interrupted, almost glaring at her friend.
"Huh?"
"It's not an elf kingdom, we don't have those. They are half-elves."
"…ok? All the more reason to visi-"
"I've been thinking. You wanted me to show you the ropes, right? Well, I heard there has been a problem with the Ruins of Jardenia lately. Something is stirring in that dungeon. How about we go check it out, huh? That could be your first dungeon-crawling experience."
Peonie sighed. "… I don't feel ready for that yet, you know?"
"Don't worry. There aren't any serious monsters around Jardenia. Only things like fairies and slimes."
"But, I'm still not good enough to fight them! I couldn't beat the Count's guard, and I barely helped take down the alchemist."
"That's why you are traveling with me!" Celeria pointed at herself, flashing a pearly smile back at Peonie. "Just stick around and you'll learn the ropes."
"Look, I'm thankful for all you taught me about adventuring, but there is still something that I haven't learned properly." Peonie unsheathed the sword on her hilt, aiming the tip at Celeria. "Can you teach me to fight? To parry? How to move a sword around?"
Celeria rubbed her thumb on the dagger hanging from her belt. It was at least six times smaller than her friend's sword. "Maybe I can't teach you to fight like you want to fight, but there is no better teacher than experience."
"Well, I was thinking that there are actually no better teachers than actual teachers. Look!" Peonie pointed at the Bulletin Board, towards a small advertisement of a knight's self-defense course. "Maybe when I'm done with that class I can properly contribute to our adventure in the dungeon!"
Celeria placed her hands on her hips. Peonie had that same stubborn look on her face she had when she wanted to go to the elven village. There was no talking out of the idea, but the elf didn't want to waste time just watching her friend swing a sword in the air five hundred times.
"Ok, then. Let's split up. I'll go marching towards the capital, see if I can find some decent jobs there and maybe another party member for our dungeon adventure. Go find me when you are done with your training, OK?"
"Sounds good to me. Bye Celeria, take care!" With a parting hug, the two adventurers went their separate ways.
Peonie jogged across the narrow market streets with unbridled enthusiasm. The poster said the class started at noon, and the sun was almost atop her head. She had little time to spare. She crossed the city's walls and found the little empty field next to the gates.
Standing in front of the field a female knight with a long hazel mane flowing around her head. If the flier was correct, the woman was Acacias. She had been one of the fiercest royal guards the crown had ever known, at least until she took an arrow to the elbow.
"I do hope I'm not too late!" Peonie told the woman, trying to breathe through her nose and appear less winded than she was. Acacias barely acknowledged her, she stretched her hand out.
"You are not. The fee."
"Oh, right." Peonie handed the woman a small bag of coins. Acacia tossed it around the palm of her hand to verify it's weight.
"Hmph. Take the line."
Peonie walked towards a dozen or so other women all lined up. Nobles and wealthy merchants interested in learning self-defense. They all were clad in glamorous dresses and colorful skirts. All ill-suited to an afternoon of hard exercise.
Acacias stepped up to the line in full plate armor. Despite her years of combat, she still carried herself with poise. Her skin was tanned, her hair flowing with the wind, her expression stern. She was taller than all the women assembled there.
The training started with some regular exercises. Push-ups, sit-ups, jogging. Peonie barely broke a sweat, but the other girls weren't used to working out. Half of them dropped out of the lesson right there. They angrily demanded a refund, but Acacias refused, keeping their coin in her sash.
Once the chaff had been weeded out, the group moved to the "proper" knight lessons. Acacias gave all her trainees wooden swords and made them practice combat with her. Despite being outnumbered six to one, she managed to keep up with the flurry of attacks, giving back her own to her protégés.
With bruises on their arms, the rest of the girls bowed out of training one by one, until only Peonie remained. The only student to somewhat hold her ground against the former knight.
"Not bad," Acacias said, tossing her wooden sword aside. "The lesson is over. I don't have anything else to teach you regarding basic swordplay."
"What? I passed? That's great! I thought I was a complete amateur for sure."
"You are. Your movements are clumsy and full of hesitation, but you are better than most of the incompetent outlaws roaming out there. They usually just wave their sword around menacingly and hope you surrender."
"I don´t get it? Did I pass or no? Am I good enough to go out in the field and be an adventurer?"
"You want to be an adventurer? Hmpf. In that case, I can give you the more advanced course. One that teaches you not only protect yourself but also how to act like a real knight. For another small fee, of course."
Peonie reached to her belt and passed the knight some more coins. "Give me your worst."
"I'll need time to prepare for the course. Go take a lap around the city."
"You don't want me to help you set up-"
"Lap. Now."
"But-"
"Make it two laps."
"Ok, ok. I'm going! You don't have to growl at me!"
"Three laps!"
"Ack!"
Peonie started doing laps around the outer walls of the city. What started as a nice nature jog quickly became a grueling marathon. The sun had moved overhead and was on it´s way to hide itself over the horizon when Peonie returned. She collapsed on the ground in front of Acacias.
"I. Am.*huff* Done…"
"You giving up?"
"...No?"
"Then get up. Time for the next part of your training."
Slowly, Peonie found the energy to sit down. While she was away, the knight had constructed a small obstacle course.
"You will rush through the obstacle course to save the noble at the end."
The obstacle course involved climbing a ladder, jumping on wooden platforms, crawling under wire, and swinging on ropes. A wooden mannequin stood over a bonfire at the end.
"Ok, just give me a minute to catch my b-"
"Outlaws won't give you a minute on the field. Neither will monsters. If you don't do it now, I'll end your training here."
"F-fine! Ugh." Grumbling, Peonie dragged herself to the start of the course. A couple of passing merchants had stopped to watch the weird training she was about to do.
"Are you going to attempt the course?" Acacias asked. "You look about ready to keel over at any second."
"Yes, but you are right. If I'm in a dungeon, I won't necessarily have time to rest. I must be ready to fight even when I'm tired."
"Oh, I forgot to say that if you don't complete the course on your first attempt, then I can't keep giving you lessons."
"Of course, real outlaws won't give me second chances either."
"And you have to finish before this candle burns down." Acacias pulled out a tiny candle the size of her pinky finger and placed it on the ground.
"Yeah, otherwise the hostage would be dead, right?"
"Also, before you start, you must disrobe. You are to run the obstacle course in the nude so that you learn not to rely on your equipment."
Peonie glared back at Acacia. "What? That's improper! An adventurer would never do that, much less a knight!"
"A true knight would never let such a trivial thing bother her. She must be ready to do whatever it takes to achieve victory."
Peonie narrowed her eyes. Acacias was talking crazy. A proper knight would never do whatever it took, she would always uphold the code of honor and chivalry, consequences be damned. Was she even the real Acacias?... Was she?
"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do it," Peonie said.
"Then this is the end of your training. No refunds."
"Wait! It's because I don't know how to run the course. Why don't you give a demonstration, oh great teacher?"
"No. It is not my place to learn, but yours."
"And here I was ready to pay double the course fee to see such a brave display of knighthood. Oh well, I guess this is as far as I can go."
"…Hold on. I see that you are an exceptional student, so I'll make an exception just this time. Pay attention, this is you how it's done." Acacias took position in front of the course.
"Don't you have to strip your clothes off first?" Peonie asked.
The knight didn't reply, she only grumbled. With some hesitation, she released the straps of her armor. The metal fell to the ground with a loud clang, soon followed by her underclothes. Her toned body was bereft of the scars one would have expected from such a veteran warrior.
...Wasn't she supposed to have at least one giant scar near her elbow?
Acacias didn't even bother to hide either her enormous chest or the wild mane between her legs. She only wore an angry scowl.
"Ready, set, go!" Peonie said, lighting up the candle.
The knight began to run. She hit the dirt, dragged herself across the mud, and jumped with her breasts bouncing in the air. Peonie couldn't help but giggle. The passing merchants enjoyed the show as well. To her credit, Acacias finished the course on time. But when she tried to return to her armor… it was nowhere to be found.
"Where are my clothes? WHERE IS MY GOLD?" Acacias, or the woman claiming to be Acacias, grabbed Peonie's shoulders, shaking her like a maraca. "What did you do!?"
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"Don't play dumb, girl. If you don't return my gold by the count of three, I will snap you with my bare hands and pry it out of your broken remains!"
"Why do you care so much? Knights are supposed to be above material pursuits, isn't that right?"
"…One."
"You know? Identity theft is a real crime. I'm sure the real Acacias would not be happy to know you are scamming people using her name."
"…Two."
"Guards, help!" Just as Peonie expected, the afternoon guard shift was doubling the corner. Two soldiers came out from the city's gates. "This monster of a woman is assaulting me, Help!"
The soldiers rushed to Peonie's aid, prying her apart from Acacia and getting into a scuffle with the deranged, naked woman. The three of them grappled in the ground, and "Acacias" got even more mud across her bare skin.
Acacias lost the fight in the end, and the guard tied her hands behind her back. They marched the bare and muddy brawler into the bustling streets of the city. Peonie could hear her yell obscenities all the way. Some knight she turned up to be.
Peonie grabbed the woman's ill-gotten belongings. It seemed like this phony never actually intended to teach anyone self-defense. Her class was instead designed to make her students drop out before they could realize they weren't learning anything.
The next day, Peonie went around town tracking down the knight's students and giving refunds to all the other girls she had scammed. With her task done, she went to exit the town and follow her friend Celeria. But first, she had to say goodbye to someone.
The false knight had her head and arms placed firmly inside the town's pillory. She was still butt naked in front of a sizable crowd that was slowly turning her into a human salad. Her muscles flexed as she quaked in the wooden contraption, the coat of fresh fruit juice was making them glint under the sunlight.
She locked eyes with Peonie and gave her a death glare. The adventurer waved back at her with a smile and exited the town for good. She might not have learnt much about sword fighting, but if she was able to outwit that beast of a woman, then she should be fine in the dungeon.