With a splash, Celeria hit the cold, murky water of the moat that surrounded the castle. Fortunately, the only thing hurt was her pride.
Great, now what? Celeria was completely naked outside the castle, her only set of clothes still in the throne room. With her personal bank and friend Peonie away, she didn't have enough money to buy a replacement set. Her only option was to go back and recover what she could.
Celeria cursed and swam towards the shore. She was fed up, the vampires could turn the whole court into morcilla for all she cared now. Her fall attracted some peasants who were gathering around at the edge of the ditch to see what happened.
Celeria climbed out of the water, trying but failing to cover herself as she did so. Some of the peasants stared at her body speechless, while others were quick to whistle in approval. With no time to waste, the wet and blushing elf darted back towards the castle.
Celeria sprinted past the long line of people who were still queuing. She could hear them turning their heads towards her, gossiping and gasping. The guard was so amused that this time he didn't even try to stop her as she slipped inside.
Celeria ran inside the throne room once more, catching the attention of all the eyes in the court. She scanned the room for her clothes but couldn't find them, only her belt and the soles of her boots remained, both discarded on the floor at her feet.
"Where are my clothes?!" she yelled.
"I cut them into these little figurines," the jester replied, holding up a small family of leather and cloth human silhouettes. "See? This is the father, the two kids, the moth-"
"T-those were my only clothes... Huh, I think I understand what Nim felt."
"What?"
"I'll kill you!" Celeria's face acquired a slightly different tone of red, this time out of anger. She picked up the scabbard from her belt and unsheathed her dagger. She lunged forward toward the jester, the man barely dodging her mad thrust.
"Sire, shouldn't we call for the guard?"
"If I called the guards every time someone tried to stab my jester, they would follow him around all day. Just try to enjoy the show."
Celeria kept swinging her arms like a madwoman, using the tool in her hand more like a baton than a knife. The short comedian was barely keeping up before he turned tail and ran towards the court.
Celeria pursued at full speed with no regard for her dignity, waving the knife in the air. The courtiers scrambled away from the action, all except for the King who was thoroughly enjoying the spectacle, and the Vembena couple, who refused to move from their spot and get exposed to the sun.
The jester ran behind the Count for cover. Celeria circled around him. He slid under his legs and ran to the other side of the room. Blinded by rage, Celeria charged forward, tackling the couple and finally, accidentally, pushing the Count and his wife into the light.
A piercing scream filled the room, loud enough to make Celeria snap out of her rage. Everyone covered their ears and the guards came rushing in to see what was happening. The skin of the woman accompanying Count Vembena was glowing fire red and smoking. The Count quickly dragged her back into the shadows, but too late. She passed out.
"Cousin, what... what is the meaning of this?" The King asked. "You are actually a-"
"No, I am not vampire, but my love is."
"Haha, I knew it!" Celeria yelled. "Random notes always tell the truth!"
The Count took a deep breath. Since the cat was out of the bag, there was no reason to remain silent. "The note this woman found is genuine, albeit misinterpreted. I-I fell in love with a vampire and found out the hard way that Vampire politics are more tumultuous than our own. Each family is a clan, with their own rules and their own sovereign, and her sovereign... he didn´t approve of our union."
"Didn´t approve? You don´t mean-"
"Yes, they tried to execute my lover for her sin, but her mother gave her life to protect her. Ever since then, we have been plotting to stage a coup and replace their old sovereign with a more... accepting one."
"But why didn´t you tell me anything? You are like a brother to me, man! I would have helped you! I would have sent my knights!"
"Precisely, you would have tried to help me! The other clans would not remain on the sidelines if you declared war on one of their kind. But if we handled this ourselves, the kingdom would not have to go into a war with the undead."
"Help them? Sire, they are undead abominations! They drink human blood!"another noble raised his voice. "We should burn them at the stake, not offer them an olive branch!"
"That´s another reason we didn't tell you anything, to spare us of any possible persecution by these superstitious fools. And, for your information Count Kractos, my wife only drinks goat blood. She says it has less fat than human blood and is tastier to boot."
"Excuse me? This is all very interesting and all that, but..." A still-blushing Cerelia interrupted, her arms now folded around her naked body. "...I was right, wasn't I? There was a vampire in your court that was plotting something. I deserve some sort of reward!"
The King massaged his temple before letting out a long sigh. "Very well. You were right, so as a reward, I am willing to drop all the charges that should have been brought against you. You are hereby exonerated for breaking into my castle two times, slandering my court, and the attempted murder of a member of the royal family…"
"Ehmm, that's nice and all Your Majesty, but can I get something more material? At least a shirt?"
"However..." The king ignored Celeria and kept talking "There is still the matter of the monetary compensation for the art you destroyed. Just because you are exonerated doesn't mean the royal coffers should pay for your wanton destruction."
"B-but that's unfair! It's because of that jester that the art got caught up in the fight!"
"Indeed, that's why I'm docking his pay to fund half of the restoration costs, but you must pay for the other half."
"Oh man, not again," complained the jester.
"I'm sorry My Liege, but I don't have enough coins to even buy another set of clothes, much less another statue."
"Then you´ll have to-"
"Excuse me, your Liegeness, but I have an idea," the jester said." I think you´ll agree that we put on quite the show. She could come work for me here at the court until she repays her debt. I have been looking for an assistant for months!"
"Yes. I must admit that today has been the most amusing day I had in months, vampire nonsense aside. Sure, I approve. What say you, adventurer?"
Were they serious? There is no way Celeria would accept becoming the laughing stock of the nobility. "Sorry Your Majesty, but that life is not fit for an adventurer like me, I must refuse."
"A shame. As you say you do not have any material possessions, you will pay your financial obligations with hard work at the royal mines."
"…On second thought, my mother always said I was bit of a joker, I´ll take the job."
"Excellent. Come, we must practice!" The fool tossed Celeria a jester hat and pulled her out of the throne room.
"Are you serious? Can´t I at least grab my pants first?!"
"Not today. Naked people make things funnier; and until you get the hang of this job, you need all the help being funny you can get."
Celeria scowled, clutching the ridiculous hat beneath her fingertips. "Great, I guess this is my life now. Making everyone laugh at me... At least it beats the mines."
"Cheer up girl, I know the gig sounds bad at first, but remember that you are technically a member of the court now, with all the advantages that the position entails; free food, a soft bed, access to the royal masseuse, hot baths, and my favorite, you can make the guard send any peasant you don't like to the stocks! All you'll have to do is make people giggle and you'll live like a king!"
"Now, to practice, we can start by... entertaining the line!" The jester kicked open the door where the line of people were still waiting. "Go on, make them laugh! Remember, if you try to run away, I can throw you into the stocks too, haha!"
Celeria suppressed a squeal. There she was in front of a whole of line of people for the second time that day wearing nothing but a nervous smile and the most ridiculous hat devised by mankind.
The sight of all the people staring at her expectantly, some shocked by her presence, others canvassing her body with their eyes, made her heart skip a beat. How did that Nim girl handle this so relatively well? It felt scarier than facing down a bandit, or even a vampire.
She had to entertain them right? Putting on the best smile she could muster Celeria decided to start with a joke. "…ahem, an elf a human, and a mage walk into a bar, but the mage, erm … he did, I mean, he asked… the elf, no wait, was it the bartender? How did it go?"
Before the crowd started to boo, the Jester stepped in front of Celeria." Oof, that´s rough girl. Alright let's start with the basics, any self-respecting jester knows how to juggle." The Jester threw four tomatoes at Celeria who instantly caught them and, at his behest, started juggling them in the air.
At the sight of Celeria biting her tongue with an expression of complete concentration, the jester couldn't resist the urge to mess with her. He grabbed another pies from his hidden reserve and it at her. She skillfully caught in between her juggles and redirected back at him, hitting the fool square in the face and knocking him down. Everyone, including her, laughed pretty heartily.
"That´s the spirit!" The jester said, giving her a thumbs up from the ground. Maybe the he was right, this job wouldn't be so bad after all.