His body was sprawled on the cold floor of the tunnel, his face illuminated by the water's reflections. Initially, I thought he had simply fallen and, naively, I chuckled and said to him,
"What's the matter? Have you been watching the fish swim so much that you've forgotten how to walk?"
It was a silly joke, one of our playful ways. How much I wished it were so. He didn't respond to my joke, which was strange given that he always had a quick reply. As I approached him and leaned over, I noticed his face was covered in sweat.
I knelt down next to him, repeatedly calling his name, but to no avail, he was unconscious. I didn't even try to touch him. I didn't want to make the situation worse. I did the only sensible thing I could, I notified management and used my phone to call an ambulance, which arrived promptly. The paramedics immediately loaded him onto the vehicle heading to the hospital and I went with them. Yuto-kun's face had turned from pink to white in an instant... He looked almost like a corpse.
My concern was extremely high. The paramedics quickly got a respirator and put it on his face, while I could do nothing but sit there and watch. Once we arrived at the hospital, they rushed him to the resuscitation room. I followed them for a while but, of course, they didn't let me go any further. They told me to wait in the waiting room.
Time seemed to stand still. In the waiting room with me, there were other people, specifically a man and a woman.
They didn't seem to know each other, so each of them must have come for different individuals. Nearly an hour had passed since they had taken Yuto-kun into the resuscitation room.
During that time, only one nurse came to inform me that his family had been notified. I tried to ask for more information, but as I was not a relative, they didn't tell me anything. I still couldn't comprehend what had happened. Sitting there, I did nothing but clutch the necklace I wore and hope that everything would be fine, even though I had no idea what they were doing or what had caused Yuto-kun to lose consciousness. Every second, I hoped the doctor would come out and tell me he was fine. I wanted him to wake up as soon as possible.
"AYAME!" I heard my name being called. Chika-san was running towards me.
"What happened? Tell me everything in detail."
She was extremely worried and, as she listened to my story, her face was a jumble of emotions ranging from dismay to concern.
"I see," she said, with a look of despair.
Even though she was worried, I could read in her eyes that she knew what was happening. As if what had occurred wasn't news to her. So, tired of waiting and tired of these mysteries, I decided to ask her directly.
"Tell me the truth... What's going on? What's wrong with him? You know, don't you?"
"Well... the thing is..." Chika-san was saved from my questions because at that moment the doctor came out of the room.
"The Nakagawa family?" We both stood and approached him.
"How is my brother doing, Doctor?" asked Chika-san.
"For now, he's fine. He just had a crisis, but he is out of danger for now." At the words 'out of danger', I relaxed and sighed with relief.
"Can we see him?" I asked.
"He is not conscious right now, he's sleeping. He needs to rest. I suggest you come back tomorrow."
"I understand." I answered, disappointed.
"Miss Nakagawa-san, could you come with me for a moment."
"Of course." said Chika-san before turning to me, "Wait for me at the entrance, I'll be right back and then we can go home together."
"Okay," I replied.
After finishing speaking with the doctor, she joined me where she had told me to wait and we headed to the car. Once we got in, before she could put the key in the ignition, I grabbed her arm.
"Ayame?"
"Tell me... what's wrong with him? Please." I said hesitantly.
"He... he's not doing very well. That's all I can tell you. He didn't want you or anyone else to know, so I won't say anything else. If you want to know more, you should ask him."
So we went home without saying anything, without breaking the silence.
The following day, after school, I rushed to the hospital. I wanted, and absolutely needed to see him. I had questions to ask him and I expected answers. I was so determined that I wouldn't leave without getting them. But first, I stopped by a bakery nearby.
I wanted to bring him something to sweeten the situation, which wasn't the best. Once there, I approached the front desk and asked for information to find out which room he was in. I arrived, for the second time in a few months, at the door of his room.
Once again, now used to our strange encounters almost always tied to a hospital, I started thinking about what I would say to him. I didn't want to seem too intrusive but at the same time, I wanted to know what was bothering him. It's not normal for a person to collapse like this all of a sudden. Except for his sister, who seemed accustomed to this situation.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that standing at the threshold of his room wouldn't solve anything, so I knocked. I noticed that the door was slightly ajar. I peeked in and saw that his back was turned to me. Like the day of the accident, he was watching the outside world from the window.
He was wearing a patient's gown, and the room was illuminated by the light of the setting sun. The first time I peeked into his room he seemed like a person simply lost in thought, but this time he seemed weak and defenseless, as if anyone could break him like a twig.
Suddenly, he moved even closer to the window and opened it. I thought he wanted to get some fresh air, but from his mouth came a heartbreaking scream that seemed to come directly from his soul.
"GOD, WHY!!!!!!!" He screamed until he was out of breath, then the scream subsided and reduced to a tremor.
For a moment, the light of the sunset illuminated the tears falling down his cheeks. As luck would have it, he turned suddenly at that moment. Our eyes met.
"Hi...hi." I said awkwardly. It was normal that I felt this way... I was spying on him in a private and delicate moment.
I was afraid he would be angry with me for that, but he just responded kindly with a somewhat surprised tone:
"Hi...hi. What are you doing here?" He quickly wiped his damp face, trying to hold back his tears. If I hadn't arrived, he probably would have started crying like a child.
"Well... I came to visit you. I brought some sweets." I shook the bag at shoulder level.
"Really? Great, I was just craving something sweet. I have an idea, how about we play cards?"
He smiled at me, even though it was evident he was trying to put on a brave face to hide his suffering.
"Okay."
I closed the door to the room. He lay down on the bed and I sat next to him. He took the cards from a nearby drawer, surely left there by the ward staff, and we began to play.
Time in the room seemed to have stopped. In the corridor outside the room, no voices could be heard. Only the ticking of the clock and the noise of the cards we discarded each round could be heard. In all of this, I had not yet touched on the subject of his presumed ailment, nor had I thought of a possible question to ask him.
My determination from before was beginning to waver, I was afraid he might get angry. These were his personal matters and I had no right to pry. If he had wanted to tell me, he would have already talked about it earlier. But I wanted to know, and Chika-san had advised me to ask him directly otherwise I would remain in the dark about the situation. I decided to get to the point gradually.
"Why did you start screaming earlier?"
"Ah, so you heard me." He responded with a smile while scratching the back of his head with one hand.
"Yes. I think I also saw some tears."
"What an embarrassing situation. It was just a small outburst, nothing more."
"I see. And... can you tell me what it's about?"
I knew it was related to his problem, but to have such a reaction, it must not have been easy to handle. What if it was some kind of disease? What if he had had an accident in the past that had repercussions in the present? My question got no answer but I didn't give up and after a few minutes of continuing to play, I continued with my questions.
"Have they told you when you can leave?"
"They haven't told me yet, but if I continue to feel well, I think they'll let me leave soon."
"Okay."
The conversation died there, but I did not give up and, after a few more seconds of silence, I asked him another question. This time I asked a somewhat more direct question.
"Have you had any other fainting spells in the past?"
"Yes. But it's just stress." It wasn't true.
Otherwise, Chika-kun would never have had that reaction in the car. I was slightly irritated that he was lying to me. I would have preferred if he had simply told me he didn't want to tell me. Tired, I decided to ignore it.
On the day of the accident, when we were still strangers to each other, he had no problem poking his nose into my life.
"Liar..."
"Mhmm?" He kept pretending he didn't understand. He was treating me as if I were stupid.
"Tell me the truth. I know it's not that. What's the matter?"
"I told you it's just a bit of tiredness, that's all."
"I don't believe it! I know it's a lie. Tell me the truth." I said, standing up.
"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, OK? STOP PRYING."
He yelled back, suddenly standing up as well. Those words hurt my chest like a well-sharpened blade. Even though technically he was right, hearing him say it out loud hurt me.
"You're right. It's none of my business. But I, thinking you were the closest person among everyone, talked to you about my past. I thought it was reciprocal, but apparently I was wrong. I'm sorry if I bothered you with my questions."
I said, with tears in my eyes, heading towards the door. I couldn't reach it because suddenly he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him. Suddenly I found myself with my back on the bed, Yuto-kun was on top of me.
I couldn't tell if we had accidentally fallen on the bed or if he had thrown me there.
Throughout all of this, our hands were still tightly held together.
"What are you doing?" I asked him, receiving no answer.
"Yuto-kun?" I asked, and he gripped my hand tighter.
"Ouch. You're hurting me." At first, I was scared. Given our position, it was easy to think that he wanted to do something inappropriate using force. His breath became more and more laboured and his large black eyes moistened. I felt a drop wet my face. He was crying.
"What do you want? What do I need to tell you? I'm terrified. I live each day with terror. The terror of not seeing the sun again, of not being able to hear what surrounds me, of not being able to take a full breath and scream what I have inside. I'm terrified of never having a normal life. Every night I pray that the next day I can open my eyes and see my tomorrow."
"Please... Tell me. What's wrong?" With a finger of his free hand, he pointed to his head. "I have a little monster right here."
"W...what?" I instinctively responded in disbelief.
"I have a... brain... cancer that eats away at every day of my life and I can't get rid of." He continued to breathe heavily.
The news was so unexpected that my brain had difficulty processing what he had told me. Lying beneath him, motionless, I looked straight into his eyes.
I didn't know what to say to calm him down. The only thing I did was bring his face to my chest, slowly stroking his head as if he were a child. At that moment, given the short distance, I could smell the scent of his hair. It intoxicated me. It took a while, but he finally calmed down. After drinking some water, we sat next to each other on the bed. At that moment, all I wanted to do was cry but I managed to hold it in.
At that moment, I needed and wanted to be strong to support him as much as possible. I decided anyway to be direct and ask him straight out, without beating around the bush.
"Tell me... I want... I want to know everything."
Yuto-kun took a deep breath and began to tell his story.