After what had happened, I promised myself to gradually start doing something to overcome my fears, which had been holding me back until then. I began with the small, everyday things. I must admit that it wasn't easy and I didn't succeed at the first attempt. Fear continued to stop me for some time. After trying hard for many days, I went to school without taking any particular detours, walking along the route with other students headed there, but I couldn't manage to enter with them at the sound of the bell.
Another small milestone occurred one day during lunch break. For the first time, I ate in the classroom. I will never forget the faces of my classmates, my presence had quite surprised them. Most likely, to others, these things may have seemed insignificant, but for me, with the personality I found myself having, they were the first steps towards my upcoming internal evolution. Until then, I had never pushed myself so much, perhaps because I didn't have strong motivations to do so. But in those days, my thoughts were guided by a single goal. Upon his return, Yuto-Kun would see how strong that frightened and insecure girl could really be. Before long, the summer holidays arrived.
During the summer, I visited Yuto-kun in the hospital every day. I would tell him about the progress I had made and I somewhat enjoyed seeing his incredulous face as he listened to me.
He had asked me several times, "What happened all of a sudden?" but I never answered. It was too embarrassing to talk about it.
Other people were going to the beach or pool to cool off and spend their days hanging out with friends, as one does during a normal summer vacation. However, we needed very little to entertain ourselves. To feel like we were on vacation, we were content to be within the four walls of that room, cooling off with the air conditioner which whimsically worked well one day and not the other.
Shortly after returning to school, and thus the end of the summer vacation, as I was about to leave, I received a message from him. He had sent me a picture. It was him standing in front of his house. Finally, after three long weeks, he had been discharged. I didn't waste any time and gathered all my things to rush home.
At that moment, someone called me, "Maeda-san, will you clean up for us? We have things to do." Again, some of my classmates asked me to do the cleaning for them. What would I do this time? Would I accept? Would I let myself be walked over?
"I... I'm sorry. I have things to do as well," I said, turning around and running with all my might, both to get away from the boys and because that message had me quite excited.
This time, even though it was awkward and indirect, I had managed to assert myself without being held back by fear. Even though I was aware that I still had a long way to go. I ran as much as I could all the way from school to home, tripping and even risking falling a couple of times.
When I arrived in front of the building, I immediately ran up the stairs and rang the doorbell. With a quick movement, I fixed my wind-blown hair. He was the one who opened the door.
"Hi," I said, panting.
"Hi," he replied with a smile. A large white shirt made his face look paler than usual. I was so glad that he had been discharged and that he was there, in his home, outside of that hospital room. I extended my hands towards his face and placed my palms on his cheeks. He slightly widened his eyes.
"Thank goodness. You're back," I said. Then, realizing the impulsive gesture I had just made, I quickly lowered my hands in embarrassment.
"Yeah. I'm home," he simply replied with a chuckle. I remained silent, staring at him for a couple of minutes, searching for something to say. We had known each other for a year, and I still struggled to be spontaneous.
"I have an idea. Let's throw an impromptu party," I suddenly suggested, much to his surprise.
"Like a party?"
"For your discharge."
"Alright, but I don't have anything to throw a party with." Still on the doorstep, he turned his head back to quickly glance at the kitchen.
Party was definitely a big word. I rushed to explain what I had in mind. In my head, the idea was to eat snacks and sweets as an excuse to spend time together with his sister, who surely was eager to spend as much time as possible with her little brother.
It was a shame that Aunt and Hiro weren't there at that moment. She, as usual, was busy at work, while Hiro was at a friend's house. Ironically, that child had more of a social life than me.
"So, we can go to the supermarket to buy something. Come on, it'll be fun," I insisted. I was really convinced that it was a good idea.
"Okay. Why not," he said calmly, running a hand through his dark hair.
"Then let's go."
"Wait, let me get some money." He went back into the house for a moment, then we left and headed to the nearest supermarket to buy everything necessary for the party.
Once inside, we grabbed one of the many shopping baskets near the entrance to put all the things we would choose later. We headed straight for the savory food aisle.
"Do you like these spicy ones?" Yuto-kun asked, pointing to some red snack packs.
"I prefer the plain ones."
"And these others?"
"No, I don't like them."
"Let's do this, I have an idea. Why don't we choose on our own and then see together which ones to keep and which ones not to?"
"Sounds good."
So we started to gather the savory snacks we liked the most. I even picked up a few I had never tasted before, just because it was the right opportunity to try them.
After less than ten minutes, we found our basket full of items. And these were just the savory ones…
"That's quite a lot," he said.
"They're all different, though," I replied.
"Even better. We'll try a bit of everything."
"Sure, but I'm not sharing the spicy ones."
"Why?"
"They're my favorite, and I want to eat them all."
"What…? Greedy."
"What did you say?"
"Nothing."
"I thought I heard the word 'greedy.'"
"No, no, I didn't say anything. You must have misheard."
"Anyway, this is more than enough," he stated confidently.
"Obviously not," I quickly countered. To me, we weren't finished yet…
"What do you mean, 'not?'"
"These are just the savory snacks. Now we need to get to the sweets."
"I reiterate what I said before. Greedy."
"I'm not greedy. We're celebrating, so we can go a little overboard. And these are portions for about three people."
"Three people?"
"Yes. You, me, and your sister."
"My sister has gone to our aunt and uncle's house tonight. She had to talk to Uncle about the surgery."
"What does your uncle have to do with the surgery?"
"He's the doctor working in the hospital, the one who helped us with the hospitalization and paperwork for the tests and surgery. I thought I told you. He's my mother's brother."
"No. I didn't know."
"Sorry. I must have forgotten."
I moved a little closer to him and gave him a hard look.
"Wh… what's wrong?" he asked, frightened.
"Did you forget, or is there something else you haven't told me that I should know?"
"No, no. Nothing."
"Good then. Let's get back to the sweet snacks."
We did the same thing with the sweet snacks. We had more or less the same tastes in sweet snacks, so we bought multiple packets of the same kind.
In the end, we returned home with three huge bags full of food that we would split between just the two of us.
Yeah… Just the two of us.
"Click"
Opening the front door, he gestured for me to enter with his hand. "Please, come in."
His sister wasn't there, so it would be just the two of us.
A boy and a girl alone in a house, with no one else. I tried telling my brain that it was pointless to dwell on the myriad things that could happen in such situations. Obviously, my efforts were in vain. Not that we were dating or anything, nor did I expect him to jump on me, but for some unfathomable reason, that evening intrigued me... and made me tremble all over.
I tried to keep reminding myself that it was just a visit to a friend's house, nothing more, even though it still made me somewhat nervous. It was the first time I was going to his house, or rather, to a boy's house, or rather yet, to a house that wasn't mine.
"Ex...excuse me," I said more out of habit than anything else, as I struggled to enter and remove my shoes.
It was a house like any other. Indeed, given the floor plan, which was more or less the same as everyone else's in the building, it was identical to mine. The layout of the rooms was the same, only the arrangement of the furniture and the decoration of the house varied. Obviously, as if I wasn't already anxious enough about setting foot in his house, we headed to his room...
Nothing different from a typical boy's room. In front of the door was a window, the bed and desk were on the left side, while a wardrobe and television were on the right side of the room. In the middle, there was a small table surrounded by cushions where we sat.
"So what do we do?" he asked as we emptied the bags full of food. I saw him effortlessly removing food from the bags, looking relaxed. This situation did not provoke the same agitation in him as it did in me. I tried to use this as a pretext to reaffirm my thought, or at least the one I was trying to imprint in my mind: it's a simple evening among friends. Nothing more.
"What you do at a party... I guess," I said, averting my gaze from him.
"Wow, what an idea, why didn't I think of that... I forget that you've never been to a party before," he said, slapping a hand to his forehead in mock surprise.
"Listen, I came up with the idea. You take care of the rest. I can't think of everything," I found the strength to retort, despite my hands trembling slightly.
"Do you want to play video games?" he asked. He had sat cross-legged opposite me and was looking at me. I hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath.
"YES," I responded, maybe a bit too excitedly.
"Wow, do you like them that much?" he asked in surprise.
"Of course. Video games are like books. It's as if they allow me to do things that wouldn't be possible in reality. For an introvert, books and video games are highly appreciated."
"But that time I went into your room, I didn't see any console."
"I only set it up when I feel like playing," I simply said.
"Alright, little gamer. So, what game do you want to play?" he simply asked. But something in his words sent a chill through me.
"Any game is fine," I responded.
"Is that a way of telling me you're extremely good at any game?" he raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe. Or maybe not. Find out," I smiled and found myself meeting his gaze. What had I just said? Had I flirted? I blushed involuntarily.
"Alright, but I'm telling you now that I'm no slouch either," I looked at him and slowly nodded.
"Perfect, but before we start, I want to do something."
After a moment, I had my head buried in the bags. Among the sweet snacks we had bought was a mini green muffin. I took it out and removed it from its packaging.
"What are you doing?" he asked curiously.
"Ta-da!" Without him noticing, I had managed to buy a little candle. I took it and placed it on the muffin.
"Usually at birthday parties, after the candles are blown out, a wish is made, and then they are cut. Let's do the same. Blow and make a wish. This time it's just a supermarket dessert, but next time, when you've had your operation and recovered, we'll do it with a real cake."
"Alright," he said, smiling. He fetched a box of matches from the kitchen and we lit it. He took the muffin in his hand. The candle slightly lit up the lower part of his face. He was smiling.
"Come on, think of something and blow. Then break it."
And so he did. He didn't hesitate further and immediately blew out the candle. It didn't take much to guess what kind of wish he'd made. After that, he took it out of the muffin and broke it.
"Do you know what I wished for?" he asked. It was one of those questions that ruled out any obvious answer from the outset.
"I guess the operation goes well. Right?" I ventured. Something in the way he was looking at me, thoughtfully, told me that wasn't exactly the wish.
"More or less." I didn't understand what he was trying to say. The room was silent, save for the faint hum of the refrigerator. That tense silence made me a little uncomfortable, as if something significant was about to come out of his mouth. After a while, he spoke.
"In an indirect way. I asked that these moments, with you, can last forever. That I can be lucky enough to have many more," he said slowly, weighing his words. He looked at me with an expectant gaze. I felt my knees trembling. Many times I felt unwanted, disliked by my peers. This was reassurance that what had been happening between us for over a year was not a joke. It was all real. We were two people who enjoyed each other's company, and Yuto-kun had just confirmed it for me.
"I'm glad... I, I don't know what to say." I paused, smiling. In reality, I could feel my stomach churning. When I thought about it, I realized they were the so-called butterflies in the stomach. It was like feeling many wing beats at double speed: light but turbulent. "Then we will have many more," I finally said. I was almost certain that my voice was trembling. He looked at me in a strange way. His eyes hardened but relaxed. I saw his jaw twitch slightly as he lowered his gaze to my lips. Then he looked away and stood up to get the games. The moment passed, or rather, stiffened and confused, we let it pass.
Soon we began to play and... I won by a landslide.
In nearly two hours of play, all I did was beat him in every game he had. I'll never forget the expressions he made because of my unexpected skill, each one more sullen and surprised than the last.
We played until too much screen exposure made our eyes red and heavy. As tired as we were, without even realizing it, we fell asleep on the floor with the controllers still in our hands... side by side.
"Tiiin tiiiin"
In my sleep, I started to hear a noise. It was a constant buzzing, almost like a bell. I was already in a kind of half-sleep when I realized that the noise was coming from the doorbell being rung repeatedly.
"Yuto-kun, wake up." I tried to shake him with my eyes still closed. He showed no signs of life. After some movement, I heard him mutter a phrase.
"Yes... later."
He didn't want to know about getting up. We were lying on the floor surrounded by a thousand bags of junk food. I propped myself up on my elbows and noticed the broken candle on the table. Only then did everything come back to me: the butterflies, the silence between us, his strange look.
The doorbell kept ringing, so I decided to go and open the front door to see who it was. I looked through the peephole: it was Chika-san.
Obviously, she had forgotten her house keys. Alongside her, I glimpsed a figure without recognizing it. I opened the door.
"Good evening, Ayame-san."
"Good morning, Chi..." I stopped abruptly. As I was about to greet Chika-san, I managed to focus on the person who was with her. For a moment, I thought I was mistaken, but unfortunately, I wasn't... I never would have imagined that one day I would see her again, let alone in a situation like this, after years and after she made me feel so bad.