That was his story. The tone of his voice was faint and it conveyed all the suffering he had experienced up to that point. I naturally started crying. I couldn't even begin to imagine how he felt.
"Perc... why didn't you tell me?"
"Honestly, I don't even know myself. Maybe I was scared of the pity I would see in your eyes. I didn't want you to feel obligated towards me."
"Well, I'll tell you something, you idiot," I said unabashedly. "Huh?!"
"I decide if I consider you a burden or not. So you can talk to me about anything. And don't worry, I have no intention of treating you any differently from how I've treated you so far," I said, drying my eyes with the sleeves of my school uniform.
"Th... thank you," he replied, trembling. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
"Why did you end up coming to this city?"
"Ah, good question. The doctors in my old city recommended it. They told me that they could better manage my problem here, and that under the right conditions, I could have surgery to remove the cancer. I came here about two weeks before Chika-san because we were still looking for a house. In those days I stayed in the hospital. My mother and father had to arrange some things for their work and I think they will come here soon. That's why I'm living alone with her at the moment. I came earlier to allow the doctors to check my condition, even though I hate being confined for too long, in fact sometimes I sneaked out."
"How did you sneak out?"
"Yes, once they saw me and gave me a good scolding. Now that I think about it, the day I saved you from the accident, I had snuck out for a walk."
"Really?"
"Yes."
That explained why he was here the day before Chika-san's transfer.
"Listen, what now? How will things evolve? You mentioned surgery earlier, right?"
"Yes."
"Is this surgery safe?"
"In this case, nothing is certain. It's not guaranteed that I can have it, and even if I do, the chances of success... I don't want to say they would be low, but neither would they be very high. However, if I don't undergo the surgery, the cancer would continue to spread and I would die, so either way, I'd be backed into a corner. Every now and then I think of the brain scan and that tiny black dot. Who would've thought that something so small could lead to such a big problem."
I slowly moved closer to him, took his hand, and intertwined my fingers with his. I don't know why I did it. I just felt the need to. I gently took him by the shoulders and made him lie down using my legs as if they were pillows. Behind my gentleness, I tried to hide the desperate crying I wanted to surrender to. I couldn't accept this situation. Why did it have to be him? He didn't deserve any of this at all. But who was I to decide who deserved it or not? It was a terrible thing and as such, it shouldn't happen to anyone.
"What are you doing?"
"I don't know. Right now, I just want to take care of you. Make no mistake, I'm not feeling sorry for you. It's just that... well, I care about you."
I was completely embarrassed by this intimate situation. I had never shown anyone this sweet and caring side of me. He was the first.
"Don't look at me," I said, blushing.
"Are you embarrassed?"
"Absolutely not."
To mask my evident embarrassment, I grabbed the bed pillow and placed it over his face to cover his eyes. "I told you not to look!" I exclaimed, pressing the pillow harder onto his face.
"Alright, alright. I get it. Now remove it, I can't breathe." I slowly removed the pillow, and our eyes met.
"Everything... will be okay. Ok?" I said to him in a firm voice.
"Okay."
The visiting hours had come to an end. As I was heading home, it suddenly began to rain. The journey seemed to last forever. That day had become so heavy. I was frustrated. In my head, the moment when he told me he had cancer kept replaying. My brain began asking a thousand questions. It was still uncertain whether he would be able to undergo surgery. And if he wasn't suitable? He would continue to live his agony, dragging himself between the hospital and his home until the end of his days. So how many days would he have left? Certainly not many. And if he could have the surgery? He would have one more opportunity. And how safe would it be? He himself had said there was no absolute certainty that it would go well. But what if it did go well? Finally, his life would change. Gradually, he could make up for all the lost time and start believing in the future. And if it went wrong? Well... in that case, he would die. I dragged myself home like a dying person, like a living being from which the life force had been drained. There was only one person I could talk to about these thoughts. Once I arrived in front of my apartment building, exhausted, instead of heading towards my own front door, I stopped in front of Yuto-kun's.
"Ding" I rang the bell and my friend's sister opened the door.
"Ayame?"
"Can I... come in?"
"Sure." We sat down at the kitchen table.
"Here, use this." She gave me a towel to dry off and offered me a cup of hot tea.
"Thank you."
"What's up? Are you okay?" she asked with concern.
"I've been to the hospital to see Yuto-kun."
"Ah...!"
"And now?" I asked her.
"What do you mean?"
"What do we do? How can we help him?"
"We're already doing everything we can for him, the only thing now is to hope that he can have the surgery."
"But in the meantime, he's still at risk. Can't we try to... "
"DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?" she replied, shouting. "How do you think I feel? My little brother could die at any moment and I am virtually useless. The only thing I can do is take care of him like I've always done. The doctors said, it's not certain that the surgery will save him, so being the older sister is the only thing I can do." She started to cry.
"Since we found out about his illness, he has shut himself off. I tried everything to help him and alleviate his pain, and you know what? I never succeeded! But you did. Since he met you, he started to be more cheerful and laugh more often. For the first time since he found out about his illness, I saw him alive." Her words made me feel worse.
"That's not true, I haven't done anything. It's him who has changed my small world. He made it more colorful and bright. If I can laugh as I do now, I owe it to him. So I think it's wrong to believe that I am the cause of his joy."
"But I think it's a beautiful thing. If two people can improve and be happy with each other, isn't that better? It would be nice if things were always like this, people would understand each other better."
"Yes."
"The only thing you can do now is be his friend and stay by his side. It's the best thing."
"You're right. Thank you so much."
"Thank you."
Once I got home, I got into my bed and, without wanting to, I started to reflect. I thought about how strong Yuto-kun was. Even though he was tired and his illness was draining him, he kept going. Despite his situation being so delicate and particular, he kept living. I thought back to the day of my attempted suicide and was ashamed of my behavior. I had judged myself as the most unfortunate person in the world. Unlike him, all I did was feel sorry for myself. He, on the other hand, fought. He always had. He was the example of the person I wanted to be. I wanted him to see that I could be strong too.