I slowly opened my eyes. For the first few seconds, I struggled to focus on the environment where I found myself. I turned my head from side to side in confusion but only managed to understand that I was lying on a bed. Not knowing where to look, I started to stare at the room's ceiling; I had a severe headache. Gradually, my vision started to become clearer and I, remaining seated, slowly lifted my torso. I looked around again and this time, it didn't take long to understand where I was.
The bed placed next to a window, a small television attached to the wall opposite, the bare walls devoid of color, and a semi-closed door leading to a small bathroom were clear signs that I was in a hospital room.
I noticed the clock on one of the four white walls of the room, indicating that it was 6:00 p.m. My memories were blurry. The only thing I remembered was that I was about to get hit.
I closed my eyes and curled up on the bed, bringing my neck to touch my knees.
"No, more than getting hit, I wanted to kill myself," I said aloud to myself.
I started to shake. I still couldn't believe what I was about to do, the choice I was about to make.
"But… what… got into my… mind…"
I said again aloud, sobbing and crying.
My personal sufferings had taken over. I saw the passing car at the exact moment when I was distracted as a unique opportunity. I thought it was a sign. As if someone from above was advising me to "seize" that opportunity so as not to be tied to this life anymore. It was a perfect opportunity that would never come again. But at the same time, I was a bit relieved.
When I was about to make that extreme gesture, I hadn't thought about the consequences at all. I wonder how my aunt would have felt?
It would certainly have troubled her. She cared about me, even though we had no blood ties.
"Knock Knock" Someone knocked at the door.
"Come in," I said to let the guest in.
"Oh, you've woken up. How are you feeling?" It was a hospital nurse with a clipboard in hand, come to check on my condition.
"I'm fine, thank you."
"Luckily, you didn't get hurt; you just fainted from shock. If it wasn't for that boy, I dare not imagine what could have happened."
Only after the nurse mentioned the boy did he come back to my mind. Until that moment, I hadn't thought about him at all. Now I remembered, someone had saved me! He had wrapped me up and pushed me out of the car's path, saving me. I also remembered that, in that moment of exhaustion, he had spoken to me.
But despite everything, I couldn't remember his face or the sound of his voice.
The only thing I could recall were his large eyes resembling two black pearls. They reappeared in my mind for a fraction of a second before everything went completely dark again. They must have been the last thing I saw before I lost consciousness.
"I see. And the person driving the car?"
"The hit-and-run driver, he's fine too, but he was taken to the station a short while ago."
In a way, I was glad he was okay. If I had died in that accident, that man would have been in serious trouble. He would have been charged with vehicular manslaughter, even if unintentional, and he would have had many problems.
"After you fainted, we brought you to the hospital. You didn't have any kind of damage thanks to him," said the nurse, checking the papers she had in hand.
I couldn't help but wonder where he was and how he was doing. After risking so much for me, a perfect stranger, at the very least I wanted to meet him and thank him. Many questions began to whirl in my mind: was he okay? Would I have a chance to see him again?
Fortunately, the answer didn't wait. As if she was reading my thoughts, the nurse continued her speech saying:
"The boy is fine too." I let out a sigh of relief.
Luckily, he also didn't have any problems due to the accident. I felt a strange weight on my chest due to my guilt, but when the nurse told me he was okay, it passed and I immediately felt relieved and a bit more relaxed.
"Thank goodness. Can you tell me where he is now? I would like to talk to him."
"He's in the next room. If you want, you can go to him. We have also notified your relatives of the accident. They said they will be here soon."
How lucky, that boy was closer than I thought. I assumed that, after coming out of the accident unscathed, he would have already left or stayed only for a short time since it had been just over an hour since the accident. But he was still here, and I had the chance to talk to him and thank him without any problems.
"Thank you for the information."
"You're welcome. Just be careful not to overexert yourself," she said as she left the room.
Without a second thought, I got up from the bed, slipped into the shoes I found next to it, and left my room to go to the one next door. Once I reached it, I stayed outside trying to gather my courage but, the moment I grabbed the handle, I began to feel a certain embarrassment. I didn't know what to say to him beyond a simple thank you. In my mind, ironically, I thought of going to him and jokingly saying:
"Hi, I'm the unlucky one who tried to kill herself and you saved, risking your life."
But obviously, that was out of the question. Even though, on reflection, he couldn't know why I was about to get hit or the fact that, if I hadn't hesitated, I could have easily dodged the car.
Slowly, I turned the handle and partially opened the door. Through the crack, I peeked inside the room to see if he was indeed there or if he had gone somewhere around the hospital.
I saw him immediately. His gaze was directed towards the window, intent on watching the lights that illuminated the city at night. He had a thoughtful look, but also a bit melancholic.
"Uhf..." still gazing outside, he gave a small huff. What was he thinking about? Perhaps the thoughts that troubled him or the reason for his sigh was me.
How could I blame him. I had created so many problems for him that I wouldn't be surprised if he was angry with me. Surely he was waiting to be discharged by the doctors or, more likely, waiting for someone to pick him up so he could go home without any problems.
Perhaps at the time of the accident, he had important commitments that he couldn't deal with and which, because of me, he had to postpone.
Despite this, I still didn't know how I would interact with him or what I could say to break the ice, both because of the delicate situation and because of my personality.
Not being particularly used to interacting with others, partly because of them and partly because of me, I didn't have any social experience to base a conversation on that could seem, more or less, normal.
It didn't take long for my clumsiness to get in the way, making me start the acquaintance in a rather unusual way.
Without realizing it, I lost my balance and fell face down into the room.
"Ouch!" I exclaimed in pain.
Hearing the thud caused by my fall, the young man turned towards me. While I was lying on the ground, he looked at me from top to bottom. I slightly raised my head and accidentally met his gaze.
"Hi," he said, greeting me with a wave of his hand as he looked at me curiously.
I stayed on the ground for a few seconds staring at him.
It was him, I just had to see his eyes to be sure. At that moment I could see them better, they were very dark, more than black they were a very dark shade of brown.
Then I also focused on his face. He had a long nose, slightly aquiline, and thin lips. His ears were almost entirely covered by the tousled mass of black hair, so I couldn't tell if they were big or small. His clothing was very simple: He was wearing sporty sweatpants and a shirt, both dark in color.
I thought, for a first moment, that he was one of those classic dark and mysterious boys you see in movies.
"Are you okay?" he calmly asked me.
"Y...yes, I'm okay. Hello to you too." I said as I got up from the floor.
Finally standing, I noticed he was taller than me. He wasn't short, but also not excessively tall. He must have been about one meter and eighty, a regular height for a boy.
Once I got up, I closed the door so as not to disturb other people with our conversation, for which I was still worried. For a few seconds, neither of us said a word, we just stood looking at each other. I didn't have the courage to say a word. He started the conversation, trying to stir the tension in the air.
"So... Are you okay? Were you injured in the accident?"
"N...no. Well, I'm here to... to thank you. If you hadn't been there, maybe I wouldn't be here. Thank you. I owe you."
Despite everything, he didn't seem either annoyed or disturbed. He wasn't angry, on the contrary, he was talking to me with a sweet smile on his lips. He was strangely sociable and inclined to have a conversation with me.
This only increased my embarrassment which, at that moment even after exchanging a few simple words, was already sky high.
"Don't worry, you don't owe me anything."
"Well, I would like to repay you somehow." His expression changed suddenly.
The smile disappeared from his face, leaving a serious and determined expression. I knew it... he was angry. He looked straight into my eyes.
"Don't worry... In fact, there's something I want to ask you, if I may."
"Su...sure. Go ahead." I replied hesitantly but at the same time curious.
However, I didn't understand what he might want to know from me. We didn't even know each other and we hadn't even introduced ourselves.
Unexpectedly, he started to move towards me.
I expected that at some point he would stop, but nothing. He continued to get closer and closer. I started to back away as he kept moving forward, until I ended up with my back towards the door I had closed. At that moment, I was regretting the decision to close the room door.
I found myself cornered. He was so close, barely a meter away, and I could feel his slightly labored breath on my skin.
"Well… What's up?" I asked, embarrassed and slightly scared.
"Why did you try to commit suicide?" At the hearing of those words, I was completely taken aback.
I couldn't believe what he had said. I thought no one had figured out what I had tried to do. The nurse had said nothing about a possible suicide attempt, so for her, it had been a simple accident.
Given the seriousness of the matter, if it had been known, the nurse and doctor would have taken measures, and upon my awakening, someone would have asked me something about what happened. But when I spoke to them, nothing of the sort transpired. So how could he possibly know? I decided to pretend nothing happened anyway, denying the reality and hoping he was joking and that it was just a coincidence that he had asked me that question.
"What... what are you talking about?"
He remained impassive, continuing to look straight into my eyes and remaining silent, as if he knew I was lying. I still remember that deep gaze of his. His eyes were so clear that I could see myself in them. It was as if he were trying to read me from within.
"There's no point in you saying that. I saw you. You had time to move when the truck was coming, but you chose not to. In fact, you were intentionally going against it. I saw you clearly."
I started to sweat from anxiety.
I pushed him away with force due to his excessive proximity to me.
"I don't know what you're talking about, but it was just bad luck. Having said that... our conversation ends here."
I reiterated fiercely.
Now tired of the conversation, I turned towards the door to leave and put an end to this interrogation. Raising the volume of his voice, he began to shout with a nervous air:
"I don't know why you wanted to make such an extreme gesture, but life is a gift and it should be lived. Surely you have your own problems, but it's not a justification to run away and waste your life unnecessarily. If you have the courage to run away, then use it to fight. And then…"
"ENOUGH!!!" I shouted, turning my back on him.
He had gone too far. Those last phrases had infuriated me like never before.
What did he want to know about me?
What right did he have to give me such a sermon?
He had only met me that evening, yet he had taken the liberty to give me life lessons without knowing anything about me or my life. Sure, I knew what he was saying was right, that he was in the right and I was completely wrong, but I certainly didn't want to hear it from a person I had met less than ten minutes ago and especially in that way.
So, with tears in my eyes, aware of the fact that he was right, I still answered him, still giving him my back:
"Do not talk as if you knew something about me. I don't want your life advice. You say to keep fighting, but you don't know the battles I've faced so far. You don't know who I am, and I don't know who you are, so mind your own business."
I opened the door and ran out of the room to escape from him and his sermons. I immediately headed to my room and entered the bathroom to rinse my face and calm down.
"Who does he think he is?!" I said aloud, looking at the mirror in front of me.
Suddenly being told such things had upset me.
"Tock Tock" I heard a knock on the door.
Initially, I thought it was him again and that he had followed me because he wanted to continue the conversation. A conversation I would have preferred to forget, if possible. The door handle turned, and instead she, the aunt, entered with the doctor.
She looked at me and immediately ran to me.
"Here you are, sweetheart, are you okay? You're not hurt, are you?"
She said with tears in her eyes as she hugged me with all her might.
"Aunt, don't squeeze me so tightly."
"I was scared to death. When I received the call from the hospital and they told me you had been in an accident, my world literally fell apart and I immediately ran here."
"I'm sorry."
"What are you talking about, it wasn't your fault."
She said that phrase while stroking my face. I saw her face half suffering and at the same time relieved to see that I was okay. But it was indeed my fault. I felt like a horrible person for having done something that could have upset her so much.
"You are ready to go home. You have nothing, but for the next two days, rest."
Said the doctor, consulting the papers he had with him. They were probably the same ones the nurse had.
So we said goodbye. I took my things from the room and we headed to the reception to sign the last documents.
The exact moment we were about to leave the hospital and cross the threshold of the door, I saw him out of the corner of my eye and turned to look at him better. The boy from before, who was acting so superior, was waving at me.
As much as I didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore, maybe I would have done better to greet him, but only out of politeness. Instead, I grimaced and ignored him. I just wanted to definitively close this day.
We headed to the parking lot where the car was parked. My aunt and I remained silent for the entire journey. Obviously, she didn't want to tire me further after the complicated day I had had.
Once we got home, I quickly took a bath and ate some fruit to fill the stomach that had been fasting since lunch break that morning, then hurried off to bed.
Hiro wasn't even at home, he had stayed to sleep at a friend's house. So I could relax better without his screams for tantrums or his desire to play with me. Also, I didn't want such a small child to worry about my near-accident.
I plugged my phone into the charger on the shelf above the bed and slipped under the covers to sleep, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes it was as if I saw him again, the know-it-all boy, reprimanding me again for what I had done. I couldn't get his words out of my head. I tossed and turned in my bed but his words had become a constant nagging.
"Be quiet." I sighed from exhaustion.
They were the words of a stranger who knew nothing about me and my life. After all, he was right, so why was I so bothered? It was probably tied to the way he said it. There are ways and ways to say and do things, but his was so blunt and brazen that it almost came naturally to be annoyed. I covered myself with the blankets up to my head and then noticed something as simple and stupid as it was important.
"Now that I think about it, we didn't introduce ourselves. I wonder what his name is."
I muttered. After those words, I fell asleep abruptly from exhaustion, but with the awareness that, very likely, I would never see him again. Or so I thought…