It was exactly 7:00 AM. The cell phone alarm, placed on the shelf above the head of my bed, began to ring incessantly. Despite hearing it, I started to toss and turn under the covers. I had little desire to get up. I would have preferred to stay in my warm bed, under the covers, and continue to sleep until lunchtime, but I couldn't. I forced myself to slowly open my heavy, aching eyes and, still dazed from sleep, I grabbed my cell phone. With a quick flick of my index finger, I turned off the alarm.
That night, I had gone to sleep late again. I had spent all evening, and then much of the night, reading books and manga online. Usually when I read online, I always stay in the dark in my room and the only thing that illuminates my face is the screen of my cell phone. That night, when I had decided to go to sleep, my eyes were red and irritated from being too close to the screen. The sense of dryness had lasted until this morning, I noticed it when I opened my eyes and a ray of sunlight hurt my iris. I knew that this, in the long run, would have a negative impact on my vision, but I didn't really care. I love books, reading is my only way to escape from reality. I've read so many and still have many others saved in the favorites list of my phone's browser.
I would like to buy them, but due to the excessive number of saved manga, I know for sure that I wouldn't be able to buy them all with my money. For this reason, I try to read as much as possible online, even at the cost of irritating my eyes. As for physical volumes, I only have my favorites.
Yawning, I got up from bed and opened the windows, located on the wall opposite the bed, to air out the room filled with stale air.
I headed towards the opposite side of the room. Here, there was the desk, the bookshelf adorned with school books and my absolute favorite novels and manga, and a wardrobe where I stored my clothes. I approached the latter and grabbed my school uniform: a classic white shirt paired with a burgundy tie and a blue jacket, and a black skirt. I went into the bathroom and quickly got ready. I repeatedly rinsed my face with cold water to wake myself up and moisten my still numb and reddish eyes.
I didn't have much time before Aunt and Hiro, her five-year-old son, woke up. Usually, I am the one who prepares breakfast for everyone in the morning. I try to help my aunt as much as possible when it comes to household chores, such as cleaning the rooms or washing dirty laundry.
Our house isn't very big, because we live in an apartment. There is one bathroom, a kitchen, and two rooms as well as a storage closet, but it's spacious enough for the three of us. One of the two rooms is all for me, the other is shared between my aunt and Hiro. He is still a child now, but when he grows up we will have to find a solution so that he also has his own private corner of the house, if not look for a slightly bigger house.
I went into the kitchen to prepare a hearty breakfast, especially for my aunt who needs energy in the morning since she works a lot. We usually have a quicker breakfast consisting of coffee and bread with jam, but I had already prepared some things the night before so I finished the remaining preparations and made a traditional breakfast with miso soup, fish, and nattō.
It wasn't long after I finished the preparations that my aunt came into the kitchen, still half-asleep.
"Good morning, darling!" she exclaimed, yawning sleepily.
"Good morning," I replied with a smile as I finished plating everything up.
"I smelled the miso soup and woke up immediately."
"I bet. It's your favorite dish. Is Hiro still sleeping?"
"No, I just woke him up. He'll be getting ready... Ah! Here he is."
"Good morning," said Hiro, also still drowsy. Now that we were all in the kitchen, we sat at the table and ate.
"Enjoy your meal!" we said in unison.
We were enjoying breakfast when my aunt, looking at her cell phone, realized she was running late as she does every morning.
"Damn, it's late. And I also have to take Hiro to school!" she exclaimed loudly, with great surprise and barely concealed resignation.
She started to quickly eat the remains of her breakfast, encouraging Hiro to do the same, and then they both went to get ready. Being accustomed to always being late, it didn't take her long to dress and apply makeup: not liking heavy makeup, she only added a touch to her face. She works as an assistant in a large travel agency, and her attire is typical of an average office woman with black shoes with a slight heel.
My aunt is a beautiful and very youthful woman, and if I hadn't seen with my own eyes that she had a child, I wouldn't have believed it. Her unusual height was well accentuated when she put on her heeled shoes, which gave her a tall and slender appearance, highlighting all her femininity. She has beautiful brown hair and honey-colored eyes, not to mention a full chest. She has told me that there have been several men at her work who have tried to court her, but she has always refused. She prefers to keep her private life separate from her work life.
After about ten minutes, she was already ready. Hiro was quite self-sufficient. He had prepared his school bag the day before and dressed in just a few minutes. Aware that his aunt was always running late in the morning, he must have learned to prepare quickly as well.
Both of them grabbed their respective school bag and purse, put on their shoes, and rushed out of the house. I headed to the front door with them to say goodbye and to give Hiro his lunch.
Afterwards, I returned to the kitchen and sat back down at the table to peacefully finish my breakfast. Once done, I put the dirty dishes in the sink, which I would wash once I got back, grabbed my backpack, put on my shoes, and left the house to head to school.
I attended a high school in the Shinagawa district in Tokyo. My house was not very far from the school, so it was relatively quick to get there.
Given the proximity to the building, many students from that school often passed by my house. For this reason, every morning when I left the house, I always took care not to be seen by them. I was already quite well-known because of gossip, and I did not want to be the target of their early morning chatter, nor did I want them to figure out where I lived. Like every morning, I mechanically performed my usual actions.
During the journey, despite the proximity, I always tried to take longer routes than necessary to avoid the crowd of students that would form on the way to the school building. My aim was to minimize the chance of encountering any of them as much as possible.
Once near the gate, I waited for the sound of the bell at a corner away from the entrance, and once it rang, I waited a few more minutes before going in.
Most of the students would enter immediately after it sounded, so to lower the probability of bumping into any of them, I waited a bit longer before entering so that the number of students would decrease.
After entering, I changed my shoes and immediately headed to my class located on the second floor in the west wing of the school. I was already in my second year.
I opened the classroom door and went in.
As usual, my presence was irrelevant. When I headed towards any destination, some students would move away from me at the mere hint of my possible movement, as if I somehow disturbed or annoyed them. As I went towards my desk, I noticed it.
"Uhm..."
I sighed.
The chair was covered in chewing gum.
This didn't shock me too much. It was yet another childish prank. It wasn't the first time my classmates had subjected me to such treatment.
I took a tissue from my backpack and spent the first few minutes of my school day removing the chewing gums one by one, hearing the murmurs of my classmates in the background gossiping about me.
"Oh, but why is she in class with us?"
"She's surely going to meet some older man after school and..."
"They will go to some hotel to do those things."
The rumors were always the same. They think that I sleep with older men for money.
This rumor started to circulate since I began high school. I don't know exactly who started it, but surely it came from some old middle school classmate. The fact is, now everyone thinks I'm a girl who sells herself for money.
I'm not saying this left me completely indifferent. I was already used to acts of bullying, but the thing that worried me the most was the possibility that this rumor could reach the teachers' ears. I wouldn't want them to start believing it too.
These would have summoned my aunt to school and informed her of the bullying acts and my antisocial behavior. I didn't want to cause her additional, unnecessary worries based on senseless rumors, and I didn't want her to be concerned about my non-existent social life.
Having cleaned the chair, I headed towards the trash bin to throw away the tissue filled with chewing gum. At that moment, the teacher walked into the classroom.
"Good morning, students."
"Good morning, teacher."
We all responded in unison. The rest of the class rose from their seats, bowing as a sign of respect before sitting down again.
I tossed the tissue into the trash bin next to the sliding door of the classroom and immediately returned to my seat. The lesson began and I spent all the morning hours looking out the window.
I was not very interested in the lessons. I had never been a studious type, I did the bare minimum to maintain a passing grade. I detested having relationships with teachers... they were all hypocrites. I couldn't stand the fact they moralized about everything, and the reason was very simple.
In middle school, when I was being teased for my physical appearance, I had tried several times to report the inappropriate behavior of my classmates towards me, but nothing was ever done in my defense.
Every time I tried to ask for help or support, the response was always based on the belief that such behavior was regular for kids that age:
"Come on, it's not a nice thing to say. They're surely joking."
Or:
"This is how young people joke these days. Don't take it too seriously."
These were the responses the teachers gave me, as if the situation didn't touch them at the slightest.
Kids can be terrible, but sometimes adults can be even worse. They are the same people who educate us every day and give us life lessons to become respectable adults and integrate into society. They should be role models and at the same time, people we can rely on.
Sadly, in reality, things don't work like that. Most likely, they are the same people who, when they were teenagers, bullied others or were bullied themselves.
Having gone through that phase, they should understand what reality is like for kids, but they prefer to turn a blind eye. They'd rather wash their hands of it to avoid unnecessary worries.
I've always been disgusted by this hypocrisy.
"Tiiin" The bell rang, signifying that finally, it was lunchtime.
Typically, regular students with a minimum of social life would have lunch with other students in the classroom or down in the courtyard. However, I would spend that time eating alone. Seeing a girl spend her lunch break alone amidst a group of people enjoying each other's company might seem sad to others, but it was not a problem for me. I had my own secret place to relax, far away from prying eyes.
As soon as the bell rang, I quickly grabbed my stuff and headed towards the rooftop, an isolated spot where usually no one went. To get there, one had to reach the east wing of the building. There was a corridor on every floor connecting the two wings of the school.
I hurried; passing through the corridor and climbing the stairs until I reached the top, where I found a door leading to the outside with a pile of cardboard boxes beside it.
The door was always locked. Any student could think there was nothing there, but the real secret was hidden behind the pile. I slightly moved it and a hidden window appeared from behind. The small window also had a lock, but luckily it was faulty, so the window was just ajar. I squeezed through it to reach the rooftop.
It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining in the sky and the wind that blew gently caressed my face. The rooftop was very spacious, I went to the opposite part from the window through which I entered and settled in the only spot not hit by the sun's rays: the fence that outlined the entire rooftop. Once I sat on the ground, I finally started to enjoy my lunch, the same one I had given Hiro and had prepared the previous evening before my dive into the digital books.
Between bites, I began to look at the sky. Its majesty had always fascinated me. I started observing the clouds and trying to decipher the strange shapes they took in the sky. At that moment, a little bird flew by.
Seeing it, I began to think about how unlucky I had been. I could have been like that bird. In that case, I would have had wings to fly away from all this, from this harsh reality, to finally enjoy some peace. After all, I didn't want anything too complicated, I just wished to spend my school days in tranquility. I continued with these thoughts until the end of lunch hour.
After about an hour...
"Tiiin"
The sound was faint due to my distance from the classrooms. Lunchtime was over and consequently so were my daydreams. I gathered my things and put them back in my bag to return to class.
I passed through the window again to get back in and carefully placed the boxes back in the exact position they were before, making sure to cover the window well. I certainly didn't want anyone to discover that they could get onto the terrace so easily, let alone let the adults understand that a student had free access to that area. I would risk losing my only peaceful spot in the entire school and could get into trouble since, being a permanently closed door, students were forbidden to go there.
Back in class, I sat down at my desk again and, following the remaining hours, thus ended another one of my sad and dull school days.
At the end of the day, after putting the books back into my backpack, I walked towards the door to leave the classroom when I heard someone calling me:
"Hey Maeda-san."
I turned around to see who it was. It was a small group of three girls from my class whose names I didn't even remember. I already knew what they wanted from me. Usually, when they called me it was because they wanted to dump some work on me they didn't want to do.
"Clean for us. We have to go home early today." Indeed.
I didn't want to do it. After all their meanness, why should I be kind and help them?
But despite everything, I was a weak person. I couldn't assert myself with others as I wanted to. Every time I tried, it was as if a knot formed in my throat and my voice struggled to come out. I stuttered in response:
"Well... it's your turn today. And then... I also have some... things to do."
Upon hearing my response, they started to stare at me with a threatening look. One of them approached me, grabbed my hair, and started to shake me until I fell to the ground.
"We have more important things to do today, compared to the things you have to do in your useless life. You better do what we told you."
"Okay... okay."
I reluctantly replied. Afterwards, they turned and walked away. Yet again I ended up playing the part of their doormat. I remained there on the ground, unable to muster the courage to say anything because I was too scared and intimidated by them. I put my backpack back on my desk and started to clean.
After about an hour, I managed to clean the classroom all by myself.
I picked up my things and finally left the building to go home.
On the way home, my attention was always drawn to the groups of kids I saw strolling down the street, having fun together.
I saw them laughing and joking without any worries. In my head, I began to question why I was alone, why I couldn't have a group of friends like those or even just one. I didn't understand why I had to receive all this meanness from others and why my life had to weigh on me so much. I would have liked to go have fun or even just get an ice cream with someone. I couldn't explain it to myself, but I continued to mull it over incessantly. As I kept walking, I said aloud to myself:
"What did I do wrong to be alone."
Completely lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice that I had arrived at the pedestrian crossing and had started crossing the street while the traffic light was still red.
"Biiiiiiihppp"
I suddenly heard the sound of a horn and I turned in the direction of the sound coming from my left side.
A car was coming towards me.
I still had time to step back and dodge the vehicle that was heading in my direction, but a strange thought crossed my mind. If I died, I would say goodbye to every bad thought, every agony, every fear I lived daily. Being alone, I certainly wouldn't be missed by anyone. Sighing, at that moment I exclaimed:
"Maybe it's better to end it all!"
So, instead of stepping back, I started moving forward. I closed my eyes, ready to receive the impact and say goodbye to my suffering. This time, I wouldn't have any more thoughts in my head, and I would be free.
I would sprout wings and roam the sky like the little bird I saw that morning.
The car was getting closer and closer to me, and I had a strange sensation. I began to see the vehicle moving in slow motion, as well as the people on the opposite side of the pedestrian crossing.
I remember one of them moving his lips, trying to say something. The man was elegantly dressed, wearing a jacket and tie and holding a briefcase tightly in his hand. He was certainly yelling at me to be careful and that the car was about to hit me, but I didn't hear him. The sound of the horn was still ringing in my ears. What I was experiencing was similar to those scenes you see in movies where the character, before dying, slowly savors the last moments of life, wandering back through his memories.
The only difference was that I had no memories of my life that I wanted to remember. The car was getting closer and closer... It was time. At that moment, even though I couldn't hear the screams of the elegant man, a voice came clearly to my ears. Someone was yelling a few steps from me.
"LOOK OUT!!!"
Someone threw themselves at me and wrapped me up, we rolled together out of the path of the car to avoid the impact.
The car crashed into the traffic light pole at the intersection, while I and that person lay sprawled on the ground.
I opened my eyes that I had inadvertently closed out of fear.
I noticed that I was clinging to a dark and heavy mass. I was lying on the ground beneath him and my face was pressed against his chest. I could clearly hear his heart pounding wildly. It was obvious. He had risked his life headlong for someone he didn't even know.
He must have been scared too, and at the same time relieved that the car had not even brushed us. Gently detaching my face from his chest, he asked me with a worried look, looking straight into my eyes:
"Are you okay?"
Someone threw themselves at me and enveloped me, together we rolled away from the path of the car to avoid impact.
The car slammed into the traffic light pole at the intersection, while I and this person remained sprawled on the ground. I opened my eyes that I had closed involuntarily out of fear. I noticed I was clinging to a dark, heavy mass. I was lying on the ground beneath him, my face pressed against his chest. I could clearly hear his heart beating wildly.
It was obvious. He had thrown himself headfirst and had risked his life for someone he didn't even know. He too must have been scared, yet at the same time relieved that the car had not even grazed us.
Gently detaching my face from his chest, he asked me with a worried look, staring straight into my eyes:
"Are you okay?"
I lifted my face to look at this person and noticed that he was a boy about my age. Given our close proximity, I immediately noticed his large black eyes. That was all I could take in before I began to tremble. I was having difficulty breathing and couldn't utter a word. Meanwhile, people nearby had approached to see what had happened and, given the situation, immediately called the police and an ambulance. Through all this, I was still in his arms. At that moment, I felt my face dampen and tears started to fall. I couldn't stop them. I started to cry and scream as if I were a child.
"Stay calm. You're okay. You're safe now," the boy said, trying to soothe and reassure me.
Only at that moment did I realize what I was doing. Whether it was due to the shock or the fact that I was beginning to realize that I had attempted suicide, my head began to spin and I started to see things blurred. I couldn't understand what was happening to me, but suddenly my eyes closed and I couldn't see anything. I fainted suddenly in that boy's arms.