My worst nightmare had come true, and now it was a reality.
For a moment, I considered turning around and bolting from the room. Was it too late to drop the class? Find something else? Was it offered online? Could I feign ill and avoid the entire lab portion of the classroom?
No. I need this class for my major. I refused to let these guys dictate my life anymore, and I wouldn't allow them to have control over me, either. Pulling my shoulders back and walking as confidently as possible, I made my way over to the empty seat right next to the leader of the pack, Matt Nelson.
I could feel their eyes on me, studying my movements and gauging my reaction. I roll my shoulders back and take a deep breath, forcing my gaze to focus on the professor, who is already talking about the lab work we're about to do. I could only catch sight of the professor from between Jake's and Aaron's shoulders, and both of them were staring at me, their own backs to our instructor. To the right of me, Matt was still staring as well, and when I gained the courage to look up and meet his eyes, a shiver of apprehension slid down my spine. But not just fear…
Desire.
Lust.
Suddenly, I was hot under the collar, and a tingling between my legs forced me to cross them and look away. But even when I moved my gaze in another direction, Matt continued to stare, his dark, heavily shadowed eyes reading the lines in my face like an open book.
"Welcome, class," our professor said. "This unit is a third-year elective unit in Psychology. The unit focuses on understanding human sexual behavior and intimate relationships. It addresses the biological, cognitive, emotional, and socio-historical factors that contribute to the psychology of sex, sexuality, and intimate relationships."
Sex. Sex. Sex.
The simple word rang over and over in my head, and I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, wondering why they were even taking this class. Aaron, sure. He'd always been the scholar of the group. A straight-A student in high school, it didn't make him less of an asshole bystander when I had my heart shattered to bits that night.
"Guys," the professor called out, cutting off his speech abruptly. "Is Ms. Lyon currently more interesting than this lecture?" He narrowed his eyes in our direction. A few of our classmates chuckled, and an itch rose under the heat of my skin. I cleared my throat and forced my eyes down again, wishing Matt didn't smell like spicy aftershave and fresh soap. Fuck them all.
"No offense, professor, but yes," Matt said, finally looking away from me to face the old man at the front. A few more chuckles floated through the air, and directly in front of me, a scowl fell over Jake's face when he finally turned away. Aaron flashed me a quick, boy-next-door kind of smile and followed suit. Fortunately for Matt, the professor cracked a smile at this and shook his head.
"Eyes on me, please."
I cleared my throat and kept my eyes on the professor, barely hearing the words he was speaking to us, only really catching the most essential phrases for the class. Just to distract myself, I took out a notepad and pen to jot things down.
Intimacy…
Relationships…
Sex…
None of the boys were continually staring at me now, but occasionally Matt looked over for a brave few seconds, that stupid, arrogant smirk playing on his features as the professor droned on. Even Jake glanced over his shoulder once or twice to look at me, and by the end of class, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die.
I hoped I could get out of there before the other three had time to react, but no such luck. I was speed-walking out the door while simultaneously shoving my notebook into my bag at the same time when Aaron caught up to me, jogging, a small smile playing at the edge of his lips.
"Renee," he called. "Hey, wait up."
I didn't stop. I couldn't. Not for him, anyway, or either of the other two assholes. Aaron might flash a sweet smile and play the nice-guy game, but his high school words haunted me just as much as Matt and Jake's.
Three of a kind.
"Ren," Aaron called again, reaching out to take hold of my upper arm. He pulled me to a stop, and I stumbled, furious, yanking my arm out of his grip to reel my fist back, ready to punch him. The old nickname rang uncomfortably in my ears. Only those close to me called me that anymore.
"Whoa," he said, stopping short. Both hands shot into the air, surrendering. "Sorry, didn't mean to grab you."
"Then don't," I said, but before I could reprimand him further, my gaze was lost in his eyes, a stunning cognac-colored like a fine whiskey. He was average in height, a few inches taller than me, and the way his dark hair fell into his eyes forced me to take notice. He looked exactly like he did in high school but definitely more built.
"I'm sorry," he said again, and his hands dropped.
"Just…leave me alone," I muttered, eyes peering anxiously over his shoulder to make sure Jake and Matt weren't about to take up his flank. I could barely handle one of them, let alone all three. When I looked at Aaron again, his eyes showed a softness, but I knew I must power through it.
"Look," he said, dropping his hands to his side. There were paint stains on his jeans and tiny dabs of beautiful pastels. He was an artsy guy, like I remembered in the bar, though I wasn't surprised. He was like that in high school, too. "I really am sorry," he continued. Now it was him that couldn't seem to meet my gaze, almost like he felt bad and wasn't just there to hit on me. "I know we were cruel to you in high school, and I just wanted to say I was sorry. We all are."
I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and looked away at the wall, but I couldn't find the will to move away. Something in the way he spoke to me, a genuine, earnest kindness, forced me to stay put and hear him out. He was far less intimidating without the other two backing him up.
"We were jerks back then," Aaron continued. He fiddled with the keychain on his bag, a nervous tick. "We thought we were cool."
"You keep saying we." I finally found my voice, although it came out in a soft squeak, cracking a bit, and Aaron looked up to meet my eyes. "You keep saying we," I said again. "But I don't see the other two here apologizing."
"Yeah, well—" he started, but I held up my hand to cut him off.
"I am not interested in their excuses, Aaron, but thanks." I cleared my throat once more, trying to dislodge the insecurity buried deep down in the core of my soul. "Thanks for your apology, I guess, but it doesn't change what happened."
"I know that." Aaron stepped forward this time, gaining a closeness I wasn't comfortable with, but it was too much … and not just for the reasons I knew. I couldn't let him get too close because if he did, I might just go weak in the knees and let him touch me…
Or fuck me.
I took a step back, hand still in the air, ready to turn and flee. Before I could, however, someone turned the corner and stepped beside me. It was Jason from class, and I'd never felt so relieved to see another person as I did then.
"Hey, Renee, right? Is everything okay here?" Jason asked, but his eyes landed at once on Aaron, and his eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"Everything's fine," Aaron said, a muscle in his jaw twisting.
Jason looked at me, eyebrows raised, and I nodded once.
"It was okay. We were just talking."
It didn't look like Jason fully believed this, but he shrugged one shoulder and turned his body in my direction, cutting Aaron out almost completely.
"Could I walk you to class?"
"Oh, um …" I glanced over his shoulder at Aaron, scowling at Jason like he was ready to punch him. "Yes," I told Jason with a quick nod. "I'd love that."
Aaron said nothing to this as I turned away from him, but I caught his gaze over my shoulder. He was annoyed, but I couldn't bring myself to care.
"One more thing," I said, breathless, and Aaron's eyebrows shot up hopefully. "Don't call me Ren."