Jason ended up walking me home after my last class of the day, and as he bid me goodbye on the house's front steps, he looked sheepish suddenly, like a middle-school boy intimidated by a pretty girl. It was cute. Really cute.
"Renee, listen," he said, scuffing the steps with the toe of his shoes. "Would you like to go out with me sometime?"
"Oh, um—-"
"Like, on a date," he said before I could continue. He smiled a boyish, sweet smile that forced me to smile back.
"Yeah, Jason, sure." His eyes lit up like a child on Christmas, and honestly, it was endearing. I couldn't remember when a guy genuinely wanted to go out with me. "When do you want to go?"
"What about tonight?" he asked, excited. "I could take you out for dinner or something."
I was tired, slightly grumpy, and had a shit ton of homework to do, but I knew I'd feel bad if I turned him down now, so I nodded and shrugged a little. It couldn't hurt, right? I needed this. I needed the distraction.
"Sounds good. Pick me up around seven?"
"I'll be here."
I stood on the porch and watched Jason walk away, back towards campus. He turned once and waved back at me, and I smiled before turning around and going into the house.
"Oooh, who was that?" Jami asked as soon as I closed the front door behind me. She lounged on the living-room couch with a textbook propped up on one leg and a glass of wine in one hand. From where she was sitting, I knew she saw Jason and me on the front porch through the window.
"He's just a friend," I said quickly, kicking off my shoes. "I met him in Microbiology yesterday."
"Um, okay. But does he know that he's just a friend?"
I sighed and crossed the floor, plopping on the couch beside her. Jami handed me her glass of wine, and I took a sip, relishing the crisp flavor of blackberries and spice. Count on Jami to always have a fine wine ready for whatever crisis comes our way.
"He asked me out on a date."
"Really?" Jami's eyes went wide. She was thrilled, probably more so than I was. "Did you say yes?"
I sighed. "Yes, I said yes."
"But do you like him?"
"Would I have said yes if I didn't like him?" I asked her, and Jami giggled.
"Probably. You have a soft heart, Renee. Anyway, when are you going?"
"Tonight, I guess."
Jami nodded thoughtfully, her eyes scoping me out. "What are you going to wear?"
"What's wrong with this?"
"Oh, please." Jami got to her feet, taking my free hand in hers to pull me up. "Come upstairs. We'll figure this out."
"There's nothing to figure out," I yelled after her. "It's just a date."
***
Hey, OMW – Jason
I stared at the text on my phone, trying to settle my nerves, then locked the screen and tossed it aside. I wanted to cancel on him and make up some petty excuse as to why I couldn't go on this date tonight.
Homework.
Exhaustion.
Menstrual cramps. That one has always worked the best.
"Don't look so nervous," Jami said, clucking over me like a mother hen. "First dates are supposed to be fun." She straightened my silk scarf for what felt like the millionth time and smiled, her eyes scanning me from top to bottom. I felt so out of place and stiff in these date clothes, tight jeans that Carly once said accentuated my ass, and a low-hanging shirt that I kept unconsciously pulling up. The makeup was a little heavy, Jami's doing, but I was trying to be grateful instead of annoyed. After all, I've never been on an actual date before, and Jason is on his way to pick me up. That wasn't to say I'd never had sex before because I had, but I had never precisely been wooed off my feet beforehand.
"Take a deep breath," Jami said as I sat on the edge of my bed, knees trembling. She was going through my closet still, looking for anything else she could to make this outfit even worse. "Jason is a nice guy, isn't he? I am sure you'll have a great time."
"I am sure we will," I told her, but I was not entirely convinced. What I didn't tell her aloud is that the only real reason I was going on a date with Jason tonight was that I needed something—or someone—to distract me from the fact that Matt, Jake, and Aaron wouldn't leave the forefront of my mind.
And it was making me insane.
"Hey, are you okay?" Giving up on my dull wardrobe, Jami sat on the bed next to me, her eyes scanning my face, brows furrowed in concern. "You don't look excited about this at all. You don't have to go, you know. I just think it would be good for you."
"I know, I just …" I took a big breath and shook my head. "I dunno. Jason is great, but I don't know if he's really my type."
"Jason is everyone's type," said Jami with a giggle. "I realized that I have him in two different classes. He's not as arrogant as the boys, you know, sure, but he seems nice enough."
"Yeah, but is 'nice enough' supposed to be enough?"
"That depends," Jami said with a shrug. "Are you tired of the jerks yet?"
She was right, and she knew it. We both did. So I sighed loudly and nodded my head.
"Fine."
"You won't know until you try, right?" Jami patted my hand gently, eyes twinkling. "Besides, it was college. It was time to date, be free, and have fun. This doesn't even have to be a serious thing with you two. You'll get a free meal and maybe some drinks."
"I know. I just can't stop thinking about …" I trailed off, heat rising to my face, and Jami's eyebrows shot up.
"You can't stop thinking about what, Renee?"
"Nothing."
"Or who?" Jami's grin widened like a kid on Christmas. "You can't stop thinking about who?"
I sighed and took a deep breath, knowing that if I were going to be honest with anyone, it had to be Jami.
"Remember the guys from the bar? The ones I told you were my bullies?"
"Yeah, what's not to remember?" Jami rolled her eyes, but even my oblivious eye noticed the slight red tint that appeared on her apple-shaped cheeks.
"I just feel … I don't know. It's hard to explain. I can't seem to get them out of my mind, and I don't know why."
"In what way?" Jami asked. "Do you imagine killing them slowly and painfully, or do you sexually think of them?"
"A little bit of both," I admitted because it was true. I did want to kill Matt, Jake, and Aaron.
But I also wanted to fuck them. And I had no idea why.
The thought of them excited me, a strange, new feeling I hadn't yet felt when talking to Jason. Even with the bad memories of the shitty days and the mean taunts. Why was I thinking about them in any way that didn't reflect that?
They tortured me. And now it was happening again but in an entirely different way.
"So, what do you want to do about these boys?" Jami asked, reaching over to grab both of our half-empty wine glasses from my nightstand. She handed me mine, and I took a drink, savoring the warmth that spread through my chest.
"If I know what's good for me, then absolutely nothing," I told Jami, shaking my head. "I shouldn't get involved with them at all."
"Not even for … revenge?" Jami tapped the wine glass with a fingernail, eyebrows raised once more.
"What are you talking about?"
"Tell me this," Jami said, leaning forward. "What's the sweetest revenge you could think of?"
"Oh, look at you, talking about revenge and stuff," I giggled. I liked this side of Jami; I always knew she had it in her.
"Tell me," Jami said, leaning in. "Tell me what your ultimate revenge would be."
I took a deep breath, finished the rest of my wine, and then nodded. "Making their lives as miserable as they made mine. That's my only goal right now."
Jami nodded, biting her lip, then grabbed a notebook from my backpack on the floor and opened it up, pulling that pencil from behind her ear.
"Let's brainstorm."
I laughed. "Brainstorm how? I could never be the bully they were to me, Jami. I am not that kind of person."
"I know you're not," said Jami. "But maybe there's something you could do differently to make them jealous or hurt."
Silence settled over us as I pondered this, thinking of Matt's cold, brooding expression, Jake's arrogant jock ways … and Aaron. Aaron, the halfway decent, dorky guy who never had the balls to tell the other two off. He was just as guilty, even if he might not think so.
"Jake already asked you out," Jami mused. "And Aaron tried to apologize, but you blew him off."
"Yeah, well, he deserved it." It must have been the wine because I felt frisky suddenly like nothing could bring me down. Not even the three stooges. "They all do."
"What about Matt?" Jami asked. "Has he approached you?"
"No, not really." I was surprised to feel a hint of jealousy in the pit of my stomach at the thought. Matt hadn't directly approached me, hit on me, or even tried to apologize to me.
Not that I was surprised. Matthew Nelson had always been the alpha of the group. Brooding, quiet … intense. It had always been that way. If he did something, it had to be his idea, his rules.
I used to fucking hate him for it. I still did.
"I guess the first step is figuring out how you really feel about Jason," Jami said, picking up her glass for another sip. "He's pretty smitten with you, I think, if he's taking you out on a date tonight."
"Jason is a good guy. We already know that." I shrugged, trying to remember if there was any moment in class I'd been next to him and felt something … or anything at all. "I like him," I said earnestly. "But as of right now, there's no real attraction. He's just a friend, I guess. Tonight could change that, though, right?"
"It doesn't matter because this is your first date," Jami said matter-of-factly. "So, you're not his girlfriend. You're allowed to have feelings for other guys."
I shook my head and took another sip, feeling exhausted suddenly as the wine hit me all at once. Before I could open my mouth to say anything, the doorbell rang downstairs, and Jami's eyes popped with excitement.
"Come on," she said, grabbing my hand to pull me to my feet. "Your knight in shining armor is here."
I followed Jami downstairs, trying to keep my breathing even as the doorbell rang again. I was trying not to fall down the stairs in these pants because they'd probably split open and expose everything if I did.
"Smile!" Jami hissed as I stepped forward. "Jesus Christ, this isn't a funeral."
I plastered on the cheesiest smile and swung the door open.
"Hi, Ja—" My voice trailed off, and my jaw dropped nearly to the floor. Standing on the front porch, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his football jacket, was none other than Jake fucking Denny.