Once Jason had pulled out of the driveway and was out of sight, I paused at the front door and leaned back against the wall, trying to compose myself. I was still trying to catch up with everything that had happened tonight. The double date, Carly getting sick in the bathroom …
Jake is taking care of her.
I hadn't expected that from him, that's for sure. I remembered Jake best as a bully from high school, the guy I'd avoid in the halls because I couldn't face his lame insults and sneer. Never in my young life did I ever think I would see someone like Jake holding his date's hair back as she lost her entire meal in a public restroom.
I shrugged off my jacket and shoes and went upstairs to check on Carly. If anything else had happened tonight, I would have followed them straight up the stairs to make sure Jake wasn't up here trying to take advantage of a drunk girl. But as I pushed open Carly's bedroom door, she was there on the bed, and Jake was removing her second shoe. She was still dressed, but he'd removed her jacket and shoes. He looked up as I came in, and my grateful smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.
"Thank you," I whispered as Jake plugged in her cell phone and went to the chair in the corner for a throw blanket. He laid it over her, and I noticed that he'd even filled a glass of water from her bathroom sink for her. Carly didn't wake up during the commotion, and she was snoring again when we backed out of her bedroom.
For a long moment that seemed to go on for centuries, Jake and I stood facing each other in the dimly lit hallway. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his jeans, and he looked sheepish like he should know what to say to break the tension in the air. Finally, after what seemed like hours later, he smiled just a little bit and turned to leave.
"Could you have her call me in the morning so I know she's okay?" he asked, making his way towards the stairs. My mouth opened and closed again like a dying fish, and something odd in my gut made me speak the words I said next.
"Wait," I called, and Jake stopped at the top of the stairs, his back to me. I saw his shoulders tense, and then he turned around. He was still smiling. Holy crap, I loved that smile.
All the girls did.
"Would you like to warm up before you leave?" The words tumbled from my mouth before I could stop them, and I saw Jake's shoulders visibly relax. The smile on his face grew just a bit more, and he shrugged one shoulder and nodded. His defined quarterback muscles flexed under his t-shirt, and my knees trembled.
"Sure."
"I have a coffee maker in my room." I cleared the lump in my throat and looked down at the ground, wishing I could kick myself. "Wanna just join me there?" The words spilled out before I could stop them, and I wanted to lodge my foot down my throat and take everything back.
But I didn't. I said nothing more.
This bright idea of mine seemed to take Jake by surprise, as well, because he hesitated for a moment, eyebrows shooting straight up.
"Uh, sure."
"I mean, you didn't have to, but I—" I trailed off, cutting myself off before things got even more awkward. I nodded once and stepped past the bathroom door to the second bedroom, which was my room. I pushed the door open the rest of the way and flipped the lights on as Jake came in, stopping in the middle of my bedroom floor to look around, eyes scanning the décor on my walls.
"So," he said with a low whistle. "This is the famous Renee Lyon's bedroom."
"Yeah. Welcome." Without thinking twice about it, I turned and closed my bedroom door behind us, hoping we hadn't woken Jami with all the drunk-roommate ruckus. Jake pretended not to notice me do this and instead walked over to the photos hanging on the wall, admiring them.
"How old were you here?" he asked, pointing at the framed photo of my parents and me on a beach vacation I barely remembered.
"Around seven, I think." I joined his side, hyper-aware of how physically close we were, standing in my bedroom, completely alone.
"You were cute," Jake said, glancing sideways at me. "What happened?"
I was surprised at the giggle that slipped through my lips, but I stopped it abruptly when I saw Jake smiling too. It was impossible to forget that Jake and his crew had made my life a living hell at one time.
"I was only teasing," Jake said softly, turning his body to face mine. I kept my eyes on his face, mostly because I knew if I didn't concentrate, I'd end up staring instead at the lump in his jeans that I was suddenly desperate to reach out and touch. "I love these photos."
"Oh, do you?" I couldn't stop the sarcasm from weighing heavily in my voice. Jake looked surprised at the change in my demeanor, and his brows crumpled again, clearly confused.
"Yes, I do," he said earnestly. "It looked to me like you're close with your family. You're lucky to have them."
"I know I am." I dropped my gaze and walked away from him, sitting on the edge of my bed. I felt tense suddenly, wondering if I'd made a mistake inviting this man into my bedroom so late at night.
"Are you okay?" Jake asked. "Is it something I said?" He stayed in the middle of the room, which was quite a relief because, despite my apparent anger at him, all I could think about was how good his hands would feel running up and down my body.
"They're the only reason I'm still alive, you know," I told him, forcing my eyes away from him and towards the photos on the wall. "They saved my life."
"That's what family is for, isn't it?" Jake smiled again, and for the first time since I'd been around him, his smile seemed nothing short of … genuine.
But it wasn't that easy. It never was.
"No," I said after a moment of silence. "I don't think, Jake, that family is for scooping your near lifeless body off the floor. I don't think family is for that."
My words must have caught him off guard because we stared at each other for a moment, with a heavy, uncomfortable silence settling over the room.
"Did you attempt suicide?" he asked finally. He looked afraid to hear the answer. I rubbed my hand over my face and looked at the floor again, focusing on the fibers in the carpet to distract myself from crying in front of him.
"Yeah, once." My voice trembled, breathing sharp, and I hated how talking about this made me feel. "After that night at the party." My chest was so tight like I'd never breathe normally again, and after a moment, I forced myself to look once more at Jake. "I was depressed. Riddled with anxiety."
The words slipped between my lips like poison, and a cold shudder passed through me. As Jake's eyes searched my face, a small tear escaped from the corner of my eye and trickled down my face. Jake was there suddenly when I reached my hand up to wipe it away. Sitting beside me on my bed, he reached one hand up to dry my face.
"That's why I got into medicine," I continued quietly. "I wanted to be a nurse, to help people."
His touch was electrifying, so startling that I almost pulled away.
Almost.
"I remember," Jake murmured, running the front of his thumb over my hot skin. "It was the last time we ever saw you. I was sorry, Renee. I was sorry for what we did to you. I was sorry for what I did to you."
"Yeah, well, you weren't the only ones, I promise." I shrugged and sniffed, looking away from him, but I couldn't will myself to move away from his touch. The closer I was to Jake, the more desperate I became for him. I felt hot all over like my skin was smoldering, and all I really wanted was Jake to rip my clothes off and take me right there and then. I wanted him to fill me up, make me scream his name. I wanted to feel his skin beneath my fingernails. I wanted to—
Fuck, I just wanted him. And I hated myself for it.
"So, what's the deal with Doucheboy?" He was trying to make conversation, probably for the distraction, but the thought of Jason made me hesitate. I shrugged and pulled my bottom lip between my teeth to chew on it, a bad habit I'd had for years.
"He asked if I wanted to go on a date, and I said yes."
"Do you like him?"
"Yes."
"Are you attracted to him?"
I must have hesitated for a second too long because Jake shifted closer to me, and when I glanced down, I saw the bulge in his jeans growing, stiffening, and a sliver of excitement shot through me. Blood pulsed through my veins, every area heating like hot lava, ready to explode like an active volcano. I was going crazy.
Chill out, Renee, I thought to myself. You're going to scare him away.
Ha. Right. Like a man like Jake Denny could possibly be frightened away by the likes of me.
"I … I think he's nice," I said slowly. "He's cute. In a … in a boyish kind of way."
Slowly, Jake's fingers itched toward my thigh. Our gazes were locked, faces so close that I finally noticed a small, striking scar above his left brow. I wondered how long that had been there.
"Just cute?" he whispered, fingers trailing up and down my bare arm.
I didn't realize I was still chewing on my lip until I tasted blood, but I didn't care. It only drove me more. Jake smelled so good, like spice and forest mixed with tough leather. I wanted to lean into him, close my eyes, and just smell him … just touch him … just let him take me.
Jake's fingers slid down my inner thigh as he leaned in, lips gently brushing my own, testing me. His lips brushed mine again, and for a fleeting moment, I hesitated… but as Jake's hand slipped between my legs and teased the heat between my thighs, that's all it took. My eyes fluttered shut, and I moaned because just the touch of his skin and the smell of him were sending electric pulses through my body.
I slipped my tongue between his lips, desperate for him, as one hand reached down and took hold of his cock, stroking it. A gasp of pleasure slipped out of Jake, and that was all the excuse he needed. He pushed me down on the bed hard and straddled me, his face coming down in a long, passionate kiss that I swear made sparks shoot from the end of my toes. He put his knee between my legs and rubbed, firing me up, reaching one hand under my shirt to knead my stiff nipples, now hard and begging for him. I reached my hands down and unclasped the button on his jeans, and he shimmied them off, his dick hard and erect in his boxers, ready to take me. He pulled the shirt over my head, threw it aside, and then did the same with my bra, releasing my breasts. His mouth closed over one of them, and I squealed with pleasure and pain, thrusting my hips up to meet his.
"Wait," I whispered, holding his face between my hands. "Get a condom. Top drawer."
He did this so quickly that I didn't even have time to gather myself before he was on me again, this time without his boxers. He ripped open the condom and looked down to put it on, but I took it from him and slowly shook my head, then scooted to the edge of the bed to put it on him myself, rolling it down as far as I could with my lips alone. Jake grunted with pleasure, his head falling back as I sucked and teased, twirling my tongue around his cock. When I drew my head back, Jake looked down at me, a smoldering fire gaining flames behind his eyes. He smiled that confident, sexy smile and pushed me back down again, shimmying off my pants and lacy underwear. I wrapped my legs around his waist and squeezed him so close to me that I felt our bodies might become one.
As his lips ravished, Jake pushed himself into me hard, and my body reacted in erotic anguish. Our hips molded together, rocking, thrusting, and I screamed out, unable to contain myself. My fingernails clung and dug into the soft, warm skin on his back, and I felt like if I let go of him, I'd just fall, fall into a land of beautiful chaos, and never return …
I was Alice, and this must be Wonderland.
***
"You guys did what?!" Jami said, eyes wide with shock.
"Shhh! Keep it down." My eyes jerked towards the stairway, where I knew Carly was still asleep in bed, despite it being almost eight the next morning. She'd snored half the night, but I still didn't want her to hear anything. After all, stupid me had slept with her date.
"I am sorry," Jami said, shaking her head. "But this is news to me!"
My roommate and I were sitting on the couch early the next morning, sipping hot coffee and snacking on a bowl of trail mix before class. Despite his arguments, I made Jake leave after our time together last night because I didn't want to cause any drama with Carly, even if I didn't regret a second with him. And admitting to myself and Jami that I didn't regret a single second with him was unsettling, to say the least.
"I can't believe you two," Jami said, dropping her tone. "A week ago, you hated him so much I expected to find all three of them dead in the closet." She tossed a healthy mixture of raisins and peanuts into her mouth and chewed, looking thoughtful. "And now you screw him in your bed, right next door to your roommate, who spent the night sleeping off what I could only assume was alcohol poisoning." She grinned at me, pleased with herself. "My, my, my Renee Lyon. What a clever little minx you are."
"I don't know what came over me," I admitted, trying to resist remembering how hot my body felt with Jake's fingers stroking my thigh. "I guess I saw him in another light last night after he helped care for Carly. It was like a whole other side to him, one I didn't even know existed. It was kind of a turn-on."
"Kind of? I'd have nailed him, too."
I sighed, hardly realizing that I was twirling a strand of hair around my finger like a smitten schoolgirl.
"Wait a minute," Jami continued, eyeing me. She set her mug of coffee down on the coffee table and turned her body to face me, folding her arms across her chest. "Are you telling me that you actually…liked it?"
Heat rose to my skin, and thin layers of sweat formed under my shirt collar.
"What? Blasphemy. Jake Denny and both of his arrogant friends are nothing to me. Nothing at all. I was caught off guard, that's all. I just needed a good screw, I guess."
"Right, good cover," Jami teased with a chuckle. "It's okay, Renee. You're allowed to like it. Sex is natural. But—"
"But what?"
"What about the other two? Matt and Aaron? They have a thing for you, too, don't they? And you told me last night that you had been thinking about all three of them recently. Does thinking of them get you as hot and bothered as it does with Jake?"
"Jami!" Shocked, I almost spit out my drink. "None of them get me hot and bothered, okay? Maybe I had too much wine at dinner. After all, they were bullies. My bullies."
"Not anymore," Jami sang, and I had to shush her again so she didn't wake Carly. She leaned back on the couch and stroked her chin thoughtfully. "You want them all, don't you?"
I rolled my eyes, but she and I knew it was for a reason I couldn't meet her gaze. "What?"
"You're hot for all of them, Renee Lyon, and I can see it in your face." Jami nodded her head, grinning. There was no denying it now, especially to her, so I kept silent, trying to pretend I hadn't been daydreaming about the three of them, naked, all night and morning long.
"I am not hot for anyone," I said halfheartedly.
"What is it you want with these boys?" Jami asked after a moment of silence, eyes glinting under the warm streak of sunlight coming in through the window.
"I don't want anything with them," I insisted. "Besides, for all I know, Jake was drunk and just wanted some. It probably would have been Carly if she hadn't passed out, right?"
Jami shrugged. "You still liked it, right?"
"Oh, God." Reality dawned on me suddenly, and my chest tightened abruptly with such squeezing anxiety that I was almost gasping for breath. "What if this was all a plan? What if Jake slept with me as a bet to the others? Oh my God, what if he tells them about us and humiliates me? That's all I am to them, isn't it, some pathetic little girl they could pick on?!"
Jami must have sensed the utter panic in my voice because she wrapped me in a hug, holding me tight until my breathing was almost steady again. I took a drink of coffee, and it hit my throat, scalding, and it felt so good because, for a moment, it distracted me from the horror of what I'd done.
"Everything is going to be fine," Jami said, getting to her feet to get dressed for school. She glanced back at me as she walked up the stairs and winked. "Don't focus too hard on those guys in class today. You might just—God forbid—fail out or something."