Father Eustice: I'm so sorry, Ms. McMaliburton. Unfortunately, in my line of work, I see this kinda thing all too often. A parent should never have to bury a child of their own... but here we are.
Edna: Yes (sobbing), two of their own. This is my second one I'm burying (bursts into tears). I've only got one left.
Father Eustice: (gives her a minute) Oh, Ms. McMaliburton, I'm so sorry. That is... that is such a shame...
Edna: (cuts him off) Oh, it's Ms. Skubik now. Edna Skubik. But Edna is fine.
Father Eustice: I'm sorry, Edna. How is your other one handling it?
Edna: Well, he's from a different father, so my sons were never that close... and he's much younger. He's a grad student now, very busy, he'll be flying in just for the funeral. Bless him, (chokes out a chuckle) he's more worried about me than anything else. His father died, so he handles death well... But I'll be fine; it's just that... (breaks down in tears again) he was... so young.
Father Eustice: (let's her finish crying) Edna, it's tough... but he's home now... he's home with the good Lord.
Edna: Yes, yes he is.
Father Eustice: And that is the comfort you can always take with you.
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Edna and Gus McMaliburton divorced nearly thirty years ago, but before that separation they had twin boys. Their first son died of a drug overdose years back and now their second: Pastor, Pastor McMaliburton, has suffered a similar fate. Edna and Gus hadn't talked for most of the three decades but were forced to reconnect upon the passing of their 46 year old son. It is the eve of his viewing and memorial service, and Edna invites Gus over (incidentally, to his old house) for help with some arrangements.
Edna: Ugh, I'm trying to put together this collage; I've only got it half filled. Are you sure you don't have anymore pictures of Pastor?
Gus: (sighs, looks up at the ceiling for a few moments) For the 3rd time, no. Can we just pull some pics off his Facebook?
Edna: I already did that.
Gus: Well, I've got some baby photos, I suppose.
Edna: I've got plenty of those on the board. Heck, most of the pics on here are baby photos.
Gus: What about your other son, would he have some?
Edna: Uh, unfortunately him and Pastor were never that close due to both the age gap and the distance gap, but he did email me a few that I had lost...
Gus: Ok, well, did you check his room?
Edna: Yes, and just about every photo is of him with that damn beer can helmet on!
Gus: (chuckles) Yeah, that's Pastor for you, (reminisces) hah... gotta love that old helmet.
Edna: It's not funny. He died of alcohol poisoning for Pete's sake!
Gus: (sighs again) Oh boy, here we go... Ya know, remember when we met?
Edna: (sternly) Don't get me started. I'm not in the mood!
Gus: Oh, how convenient (mockingly) and how soon you forget. Well, (grabs a photo of Pastor at random from off the kitchen table) see this picture of Pastor with the beer can helmet on?
Edna: Yeah.
Gus: (cracks open a beer from the fridge) Well, rewind that oh, about 47 years ago and that was me with the beer can helmet on. And you didn't seem to mind it much, (takes a swig) didn't seem to mind it at all.
Edna: Yeah, okay.
Gus: (Swigs) Hell, the first night we met, you told me that all you wanted me to wear to bed that night was that plastic blue construction helmet with the two beer cans rigged on either side, just like this one (motions to a different picture on the table with Pastor wearing a similar helmet).
Edna: That's a great story and all, but we met when you pulled my car out of a ditch, remember?
Gus: Oh... sorry, I'm talking about our first date.
Edna: Look, (sternly) can we just drop it... Pastor's dead!
Gus: Well, you were the one dredging up the past.
Edna: Excuse me, but how the hell is the past not going to be brought up?! Ya know, (hesitantly) you're kinda to blame for this.
Gus: Wait, what?! You're blaming me for Pastor's death?!
Edna: (brushes aside his response) It was your idea to have the last name switched from McHaliburton... (shakes head in anger) McMaliburton?! (Shakes head in disgust) C'mon, McMaliburton...? Really, that name reeks of alcoholism.
Gus: What?! That was an honest typographical error by the hospital, and you know that! You know how the typewriter print made "H"'s look like "M"'s. And you were on board with that name, hell, your sister loved the name.
Edna: Oh, don't involve Tiffany! Of course she went along with it, she was staying with us for free.
Gus: (pauses) Well... anyway, you wanted to name him Pastor.
Edna: Yeah, Pastor is a good name. It's a good, God fearing name... and that name is a tribute to you... How soon you forget that!
Gus: Yeah, well...
Edna: McMaliburton on the other hand, that sounds like the town drunk... See how that worked out!?
Gus: Well, I'm glad you had all these high hopes for him. Maybe if you weren't off bedding the first guy you saw with a plastic beer can helmet on his head, he'd be in the church choir! (Storms off and heads into Pastor's old room and slams the door)
Edna: Hey, see if you can find a photo of your son without that damn beer can helmet on when you're in there! (Eyes well up with tears)
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As Edna retreats to her half empty poster board, more tears trickle down with every empty space. Then, an idea strikes her. After the death, she went to Pastor's apartment and gathered a few of his personal effects: photos, scattered documents and also his cell phone. She grabs the cell phone from off the davenport in the foyer and starts thumbing through some of his contacts. With urgency, she dials up the first name that appears in his phonebook.
Edna: Hello, Arthur?
Arthur: Yeah, this is Art.
Edna: Um, hi Art. This is Pastor McMaliburton's mother. I'm calling from his phone. Do you know Pastor?
Arthur: Pastor? Yeah, I know Pastor... He's a friend of mine... What's going on?
Edna: Did you hear the news then?
Arthur: (stammers) W-w-what news?
Edna: Pastor passed away on Wednesday.
Arthur: (incredulous) Noooo....
Edna: I'm afraid so, and the viewing is tomorrow evening at Bakerman's Funeral Home.
Arthur: Wow... I'm so sorry, Mrs. McMaliburton.
Edna: Thank you... It's Ms. Skubik now, but thank you.
Arthur: Wow... (goes silent for nearly a minute) Ya, know? It would be great if you could send a mass text to all his contacts in his phone, cuz I would be pissed if I didn't find out that he died.
Edna: Yeah, yeah. That is a good idea. I'll do that. I can't believe I didn't think of that earlier (pauses). Hey, let me ask you, do you have any pictures of Pastor?
Arthur: Uhhhh, (cogitates) Ya know, I'll have to check my phone and get back with you. If I do, I'll text them right back.
Edna: Ok, thank you.
Arthur: Man, I can't believe... I just saw him about a month ago... He was perfectly fine.
Edna: Yeah, well... I thought so too... But... Pastor had some unhealthy habits, mostly food... (pauses for a good 15 seconds) and alcohol... (tears up)
Arthur: Yeah, I could kinda sense that... Still, I'm sorry though.
Edna: Thank you... (Sniffling) But hey, let me send out that group text; hopefully his friends will send in some pictures. I'm trying to fill a poster board and it's only about half full right now. That way they'll know about the memorial service, too.
Arthur: Oh, yeah... definitely. I know Pete will have some photos, the Kessel brothers should have some too.
Edna: Okay, great, well I'm glad I thought of going through his phone. Lemme let you go so I can send that text.
Arthur: Ok, and once again, I'm so sorry for your loss and thanks for reaching out.
Edna: Thank you Arthur, goodbye.
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As darkness eases its sway over the old McMaliburton home, a loud thud shatters the evening's stillness. A couple minutes later, Gus finally emerges from Pastor's old room. He lumbers his way out into the living room wearing a Green Bay Packers beer can helmet.
Edna: (exasperated) Gus...
Gus: (giggles to himself) C'mon, take a swig outta the old beer can helmet.
Edna: No. And you shouldn't be drinking like this on the eve of burying your son.
Gus: Why not? If now isn't the perfect time to drink, then I dunno when is (slinks toward her). C'mon, take a sip for old Pastor.
Edna: (shoots head back) That's not beer.
Gus: Whiskey, mahh dear.
Edna: Oh, God. You poured whiskey into a beer can? Take the damn helmet off would ya!
Gus: Ah, you're no fun!
Edna: What was that loud noise?
Gus: Huh?
Edna: Something hit the floor and broke, what was it?
Gus: (walks back into the bedroom, grabs a broken turtle statue from off the floor). You mean this? (Holds the broken statue in right hand) This thing's garbage anyway.
Edna: Hey! Pastor made that! (Eyes well up with angry tears)
Gus moans incoherently and retreats back into the bedroom.
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Pastor's phone vibrates on the davenport in the foyer. Before Edna can view the message, it buzzes again. And again. The text messages are flooding in. Edna excitedly grabs the phone.
Message 1: Thanks Edna: Here's my favorite pictures of Pastor... Sorry about your loss. I don't know if I can make the viewing, but won't miss the funeral.
Message 2: I'm sorry, Mrs. McMalibuton... Pastor was a great guy. I don't have any pictures of him, but I'll swing by the memorial service.
Message 3: That sucks about Pastor. I just have this one photo with him, it's one of my favorites, though. May God be with you. I'll see you at the funeral.
Message 4: My condolences to you, Mrs. McMaliburton. I'm torn up over this but I'm sure it's much harder on you. I'm sorry, stay strong.
Tears roll down Edna's cheek as she skims through the messages; it doesn't even matter that she doesn't know these acquaintances, it's the thought and concern which warms her. She clicks on the links for the photos but can't get any of them to open; perhaps it's her tears that are clouding up the phone screen. This further compounds her frustration as the darkness encroaches through the living room window, and the funeral service less than a day away.
A few more messages come rolling in as Edna wipes her tears with Pastor's childhood blankie. Fraught with anger, she stomps on down the hall to Pastor's old bedroom, seeking her ex husband.
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Edna's loud knocking on the door goes unrequited by Gus. She knocks again, this time louder.
Edna: Gus?! I know you're in there. I need some help with this darn phone.
Gus: (roused awake)(mumbles) Huh?
Edna: Gus!
Gus: Yeah.
Edna: I need help with this damn phone!
Gus: Huh?! I'll look at it tomorrow.
Edna: No, I need you to look at it now. I need to get the photos off the messages for the collage.
Gus: Ahhhhh. Noooo.
Edna: Gus!
Gus: Ahhhhh, dammit, just gimme the damn thing, will' ya?!
Edna opens the door and tosses it to Gus as he clumsily reaches for the nightstand lamp. He grabs ahold of the phone and tries turning it on.
Gus: Ah, bugger, where d'ya turn the damn thing on?!
Edna: Give it to me. (Yanks the phone from his clammy hands and checks it, then hands it back to him) It's already on!
Gus: (fumbles around with it for another minute or two) I don't know. I don't even have a cell phone. Why you give 'en it to me?
Edna: (starts tearing up again) I swear, I just needed a little help planning this funeral... and you're good for nothing!
Gus: You're the one who came pounding on my door in the middle of the night; I'm just trying to gets'm sleep!
Edna: It's not the middle of the night. It's 9 o'clock! You're not even sleeping in here (pauses out of anger to collect herself, then screams at him in a high pitch). Ya know, we're burying Pastor tomorrow!
Gus: That's it! (starts a drunken slow-paced rant) I wasn't ever ganna tell you this... but Pastor called me a few months'go... He was drunk (smiles proudly) and uh, really speakin' his mind. He said he felt that he could... he could never live up to his name, Pastor... the name youuuu chose frrr him! N' how you're always pushing him to be more... religious... like you. It's like the name had some certain, um... church innu, innunen, inneninendo. And you'ow why think?
I think.. I think... Deak... Deacon
Edna: Don't even start with Deacon!
Gus: (collects himself to gauge if he really wants to levy the following accusation) he probwably overdosed for th' same reason, y'know, y'kept pushing these church names on th' kids. Tryin' to get'em to...
Edna: (cuts him off) Oh, no, (points finger in his face) don't go pinning Deacon's death on me! How dare you, you were the one who left town! You hardly raised the two of them. I've got something to tell you about Deacon... he was never comfortable with the name McMaliburton!
Gus: Ahhh, he loved it.
Edna: No, he didn't... Now, that much he did bring up from time to time. And you know what else, why is it that you changed back to your father's last name, with an "H", McHaliburton?!
Gus: Whaaat?! Thais the name (puts emphasis as point of pride), the name on my birf certwificate.
Edna: Ok, but you switched it to McMaliburton when we married! You had it changed again, later on... or else my married name would have been Edna McHaliburton, which it wasn't!
Gus: (smiles defeatedly) You're crazy, y'ow that?
Edna: You should have either left it to support your two boys, or had their name changed to McHaliburton! Like I've been saying all these years. McMaliburton, though, that is the goofiest sounding name, a clown wouldn't even take it!
Gus: Oh, yeaaaahhh (mockingly), whatta bout Deacon 'na Pastor, a buncha clergymen, huh?!
Edna: I'm not gonna argue with you when you're drunk like this, goodnight! (slams the door)
Gus: (shouts out to get the last word in) Too bad they'nt make inna seminary!
Edna, deciding that the night has been stressful enough, marches into her bedroom and slams that door as well.
Gus is now semi-awake in Pastor's old bed. He lays back down and reminisces about his time with Edna when he was a much younger man...