My sister had had to do and give a lot so that I could see on her sweet face that satisfied and proud smile that meant only one thing: I was accepted in this school.
I smile smugly, not that I dislike in the least the fact that my sister managed to find this place for me and thus protect me from my stalkers, because what my sister does for me is invaluable and I cannot thank her enough.
No, what saddens me is the sacrifices she is willing to make for me. I do not mean to insult her efforts, no, it really touches me and it makes me happy, but the worry is that it makes me feel remorse. My poor sister, who is so young and beautiful because of me, can not take advantage of her youth, she can not even have fun with her girlfriends...if she even has time for that, she can not afford the clothes she likes, and at almost 28 she has not had a real romantic relationship.
She tells me she is happy to take care of me, but it does not make me happy to see my sister so lonely and so unappreciated. She fights for me so much that I would like to comfort her a little every now and then so she does not have to worry and have trouble all the time; so she stops worrying about me all the time when she has a life of her own too.
I even wish the boy she gave $10 to tell her about the problems in high school had just been a little crook and had not told her, at least then she would not have had to go through these unexpected expenses when we can not even eat our fill every day.
If only I could find a job, a small job after high school like many friends have. In a coffee store, in a store CD, there are so many small jobs for high school students, but the problem with me is... me. I could not work decently with my disability and I do not think anyone would want to hire me. I will be useless until I die and be a burden to my sister because even after I graduate I am not sure I could work.
I would so love to stop going to school for several reasons. First there is the bullying and harassment, but the most important reason is my sister... I think she is struggling for nothing by forcing me to go to school for an uncertain future. But she is so happy when she reads my report cards. She tells me every time that I am very smart and that I have a great future ahead of me. I do not disagree because her eyes shine so brightly and she says that I can not act like an ungrateful person when she sacrificed her education for my education - if going to school can make her happy, then I'll put up with it and promise that whatever happens in high school, I'll do my best to smile and hide it as much as possible so she will not worry.
I want my sister to be able to live her own life, no matter how much pain and suffering I have to put up with to do so. My sister deserves only the best in this world and I will make sure she gets it.
I turn my attention to my sister and smile sincerely at her this time. I will fight on my level not to cause Jeanne any more sorrow.
"Guess who is now a student at Central High?" "
I chuckle and raise my shoulders as if I do not know. I like our moments together when she pretends to surprise me and I pretend to be surprised.
"You sweetie...oh the principal was very impressed with your grades and even said you are a genius, he wants you to go to his high school so you start on Monday right? "
Yes, that's nice, but because of my weakness he did not say anything? I do not know if my sister told him about the fact that I am practically mute, I am afraid she did not, she mostly avoids that aspect so as not to discriminate against me, but she denies it to no avail ... I am affected by mutism and the denial will not change the reality.
I think my face is quite expressive when she puts her hand on my shoulder and smiles tenderly at me before speaking again.
"Do not worry, he knows because in your file I added your medical certificate with all the necessary information. He said that he has no problem with you being a brilliant student and that is what counts"
I contort my face with joy at this news and even if it is a little exaggerated, I am happy, yes very happy, would this be the invitation to a new beginning? I just hope that this time things turn out for the best.
"Alright, I am going... I need to rest, I am exhausted"
I think to myself.
She gets up and wants to go to her room, but I hold the garment out to her to draw her attention to me. She turns around interested and smiles at me, she always has this friendly smile and often I have the impression that discrimination starts here at home, because my sister always protects me, I do not know why, but she thinks when she treats me with so much kindness and sensitivity that I am fragile and weak, but I am not... not anymore, because I have been through a lot of difficult things in my short life, so now I do not think I am that weak. I can do some things that she thinks I can not do.
"What's wrong, sweetheart? "
** I will make food**
She frowns for a moment before smiling at me and sighing.
"Ah, you had to tell me you were hungry, I will start cooking right away"
I make a hurt expression on my face. I am not hungry, I actually just wanted to help her by being home and doing all the chores. Jeanne does not like it when I do even the smallest task and it frustrates me because I feel like I am incapable.Of course, I lower my head sadly. Even if I decide to tell her, I am sure she will not listen to me and ask me to rest. She tells me the same thing every time I want to do something.
I wish she would trust me just once.
"Give me a few minutes and I'll bring you a delicious soup with fish...do you want potatoes with it?" "
I do not budge and she strokes my head before leaving my room, not without asking me to rest because I need it after what happened.
I lie on my bed and stretch out my arms on both sides of my body and the tears flow by themselves, am I so incapable in my sister's eyes? No, I do not think she really believes that, it's just that I never gave her the opportunity to prove to her that I can do it too, that I am capable of things she could not have guessed.
I am not as fragile as she wants to believe.
I do not know when I fell asleep, but I feel my body move as if someone is shaking me and finally I open my eyes.
"We are waking up little groundhog, I am done cooking, are you coming? Before it gets cold"
I nod my head before getting up. My body is heavy from sleep and still aching from the beating my attackers gave me a few days ago.
I groan as I try to straighten my body, and my sister rushes over to help me. It's a caring gesture, but I do not know why it hurts, but I can not tell her. I do not want to hurt her, she does not deserve that.