I can feel I'm shaking like a leaf, I can't just start doing sign language like that in front of them, they'll definitely think I'm crazy. I feel sweat beading on my forehead and my heart beating faster. I look in front of me and all my future classmates seem to be waiting for me to say something but I don't know because the only thing I can do is act but I'm also afraid to do it.
I feel the professor moving beside me and I can imagine his face, which is no doubt similar to those of my classmates – they are waiting impatiently and I imagine annoyed.
What to do but what to do?
Suddenly the door opens wide and a young man enters with a bored face, he is rather tall with very square shoulders, his face is lowered which means that I cannot see his face well under his dark hair but with fine features as I can discern there it looks beautiful - at least what I can think of the term.
He passes in front of me and the teacher without saying a word and I find him particularly badly brought up, given his uniform he is also a student of this high school and his badge says that he is from this class but why he not only arrives late but doesn't even apologize not to mention that he disrespected the teacher.
The latter doesn't seem to care. It seems like it's a habit – what I notice though are the gasps and sighs of the girls in the class but it doesn't seem to affect him considering he sat down at his desk and rested his head on the table.
"Well Michaël came to attend the lesson it's a good thing that he was able to free himself but the children we calm down we were welcoming our new friend"
Shit I forgot with this boy's entry that I still had to go through this step. I swallow hard praying for a miracle but nothing as time just passes and the gazes on me grow more intense.
The famous Michaël even raises his head because he also certainly knows why a vulgar presentation takes so long. Suddenly the door of the class opens again and Théo comes in quickly to whisper a few words to the professor who looks sorry, his face becoming miserable – he must certainly pity me.
" I see… "
When he says it my heart sinks in my stomach at no time. I don't want to attract people's pity, I just want to be a normal student without special treatment.
"So your name is Emma Clark.. nice to meet you, you're going to sit on the desk near Michaël, Michaël is the boy who just arrived"
He points to Michaël and I walk through the rows receiving lost looks from my comrades. They are surely wondering why I did not show up and why the supervisor seemed to be the one who unblocked the situation. Now they will be curious to know the reason and I will again be the center of attention not for my efforts but for my infirmity.
As I walk I hear the teacher clear his throat and start talking.
"Dear students, our new friend Emma Clark is mute you know what that means so I am counting on you to provide her with a peaceful environment so that she can feel comfortable with us… she has just transferred and she should be given a warm welcome."
That's it, he said it and I can see the looks on me change from curious to pitiful – again I will be marginalized but apparently unlike my old high school where I was looked at in disgust here it is with pity.
It's good, we're making progress.
I look in front of me at my place next to Michaël who looks at me differently from the others, he looks bored and I frown, what is his problem?
I hurry to settle down in order to avoid people's eyes and quickly take a seat in my chair.
"Okay, we'll continue with the lesson, Emma, do you have your literature book?" If not, you... »
I raise my hand to stop him and knowing that he won't be able to decipher sign language, I prefer to show him my book to be quick. I hate that they look at me as if I'm helpless, a victim in need of compassion and I look down at my book – almost teary eyes.
I feel a rustle next to me and calming myself in the effort to hold back the tears I exhale before turning to see that deep green eyes are staring intently at me.
I frown and cast my own amber gaze on Michael before actually finding him with his head resting on his desk looking at me, at first I think it's a mistake but he continues to do so without embarrassment really hurting me comfortably.
What's the problem with this guy? Doesn't he know that it's rude to stare at people like that? I make a disgruntled pout to show him that I don't like him looking at me like that and he ends up smiling.
Hey sorry? Why is he suddenly smiling? He really has a problem with this boy and it's not me who will have to take care of it. Anyway I don't have to take care of it if he wants to look at me. When he does it I came to study and with the sacrifices that my sister agreed to make I don't have the right to 'fail.
If he wants to, he'll have fun staring at me like an idiot, even if frankly it's starting to annoy me, and not just a little anyway.
I look back at the professor and concentrate on what he's saying.. if this Michaël wants to look at me, that's his problem, he'll end up getting tired of himself... Well, I hope.