Completely spent after a long night, we both crash onto the bed chasing our next breath.
Just as dawn bleeds into a new day, Mason pulls me into his arms, I cosset into his chest, short of purring. It has been one of the greatest nights of my life, blissfully drifting on the heavy thick clouds of lust after a rather vigorous night of lovemaking. The only sound echoing in the now silent room is the sound of our heavy breathing. Sleek with sweat, we lounge on the bed, as my mind and my body slowly flutter back to earth.
Sometimes, I wish I could share all of this with Laira, but apprehension has dug its claws deep and there is no sign of letting up anytime soon.
Mason places a firm kiss on my forehead, mindlessly playing with the strands of my hair.
" If you could, would you change anything?" I ask, mostly because I don't want this moment to end. I don't want to fall asleep and lose precious minutes.
With a sharp intake of air, " Yes and no," He says softly and I slightly tilt my head back to see his troubled expression bathed in the murky light of the dawn, " That day when you and Shay vanished. The first thought I had, was that even if you were still alive, I gave you no reasons to want to come back. For someone so young, you were quite bold, so self-assured of your feelings for me," He slides his fingers under my chin, tilting my head further back " I was afraid Lily. Afraid that once I gave in, I knew I wouldn't bear the thought of losing you down the road. The fear was confirmed when I found you in Helej Norun, safe and sound. You had forgotten me. No matter how relieved I was to find you, losing you has cost me a great deal. If I could change anything, I would change that day when we stood under that market. I should've kissed you senseless and then brought you home with me," Regret fills me with the memory of all that time we've lost. At that moment I realise that if I could change anything it would be the day I chose to stay in Helej Norun.
" What about you?" He asks softly, gazing down at me with pinched brows.
" It would be the day, I chose to stay in Helej," I whisper, a tinge of regret colouring my tone. They say ' the way to hell is paved with good intentions.' My choices haven't been the wisest, or calculated, but I wouldn't be who I am today without those regretful decisions.
" There is nothing left for us in the past, Canim. There is a reason why it is called the past. At this moment in time, it bears no relevance. It exists only to serve as a lesson. Let it go, Canim. It is a hard-learned lesson," He kisses my forehead, and lowers his head back on the pillow.
He is right. But what do you do when the past comes back to hunt you down?
With a wan smile, I kiss his jaw, and lay my head back down on his chest, listening to the soothing beat of his heart.
" You're right," I say into the silence, listening to his sharp intake of air.
" You could try to sound more convincing," He pulls me tighter against his chest and kisses the top of my head.
" One day," I say sullenly, mollified by his touch, and the feel of his bare skin against mine.
" We should try to get some rest," He tugs on the covers, untangling them from where are heaped at our feet and flops back on the bed next to me.
" For now, our problems can wait. Our time is coming to an end," He mumbles into my shoulder, scooping up off the bed, and wrapping his arm around my waist.
" I know. Sometimes I can't help myself," I mumble back into the pillow, and he kisses my shoulder.
" I'm painfully aware of that," He chuckles," You tend to bombard me with a thousand thoughts on some days. Very disorganised, and also very random. But I do love your sense of humour. When it does happen, I anxiously wait for the punch line. It has a certain zing to it. Unlike anyone I've ever met. I don't think you realise how precious you are to me, Canim. Maybe one day, you'll understand that I'll stop at nothing to hold on to you, even if in the end, it might break us," The undercurrent of sadness in his voice, makes me turn into his arms. His eyes find mine just as day breaks through the gloomy darkness of a winter's night.
" When you say things like that...it scares me," I try to inject as much nonchalance into my tone trying to keep us on safe grounds.
He dips his chin in understanding, " I know. When I'm with you, I'm happy, " Plain and simple. And he makes me happy too, but before we got here there was anguish and torment. I wished we would've skipped all of that altogether.
" I like the man I become when you're around. The thought of losing you terrifies me greatly, " I've never wanted anything more in my life than to have him by my side forever. And with a bit of luck and clemency from the unknown forces who rule the universe even after.
" I'll be right here, by your side for as long as you'll have me, " He presses our foreheads together, my arms curling up around his neck, bringing us even closer.
" Does eternity sound good? Because that is what I'm aiming for," I smile up at him, tangling our legs together, the visceral need to be close to him, to be with him ignites within me, blazing brightly with scorching intensity.
" Sounds perfect," He kisses me with renewed fervour, any vestiges of exhaustion swept away by a new wave of desire, and lust. His lips trail down, to my jaw, and neck, licking, and nibbling at my skin while his hands explore my body, palming my breasts, drawing a loud wanton moan out of me.
He rolls us over, settling himself between my legs, bringing my hands above my head, and threads our fingers together.
Dipping his head, he takes my lips, lightly biting, drawing a whimper out of me, " For eternity," He whispers against my lips, sliding his thick length inside me.
We both still, gasping for breath, a deluge of sensations, both physical and emotional surges through me, tipping me over the edge.
" You have no idea how sensual you are," He moans as his lips glide over mine, " How you drive me insane with the way you moan my name. The way you smell, even now after I've made you mine so many times. You're intoxicating, in the ways I've never experienced before with another woman," He pulls back, his strokes evenly paced, my body arching into his, answering a silent call.
We glide against each other into blissful oblivion, meeting him thrust for thrust, with his velvety voice in my ear, claiming me as his own. I've never belonged to anyone else. I've always been his, even before I knew he existed.
My name on his lips as he buries himself deeper than ever before, feels soul-shattering to me, because it is filled with love, desire and adoration.
He collapses over me, his weight pressing me into the mattress, but yet instead of feeling suffocated, it feels comforting, grounding.
With the sound of my heartbeat drumming into my ears, exhaustion finally catches up to us, claiming its right as we both drift to sleep entangled with each other.