We collapse in a heap against each other, laboriously breathing, with his shirt firmly in my grasp, while his fingers are leaving a permanent imprint on my behind. One that I do not wish to erase.
" I love you, Canim," He pants, his breath fanning over my forehead as he presses a gentle kiss there, before sliding a finger under my chin to tilt my head up.
I meet his clouded gaze, " So much," He swallows thickly, and leans down to press a soft kiss on my lips. A kiss that I feel all the way down to my toes.
With a gentle tug on my hands, he extricates himself out of my arms and begins to rummage through one of the drawers, producing a cloth. There's only one bathroom servicing the apartment and it's nowhere near this room. Although if Ildi has decided to linger around, she definitely heard us. We weren't exactly quiet.
The rasp of the cloth brushing against my skin has me wincing, jolting me awake out of my thoughts.
" I'm sorry, Canim," Mason says as he gently wipes me clean, " I did not mean to be that rough with you. It has been over a month," He looks up at me smirking," I'm a little out of practice, and far too desperate to be patient. I've missed you so much," He drops his gaze between my legs, finishing up and straightening my dress.
With a deep breath, I drop off the dressing table on wobbly feet, still slightly dazed. He catches me by the elbow to steady me and smiles down on me with a twinkle in his eyes.
" I've missed you too. I don't think I can't take two years and a half of this Mason," I slip my hand into his, while he nods sullenly at me.
With a deep breath," Then let's get married. Sooner or later, you will be my wife. No point delaying," The spark of hope blooming inside my chest is quickly snuffed out at the memory of his impending nuptials.
" I'd love to Mason, but you're forgetting something," I say calmly trying my best to soften my tone. It's not an accusation. I'm merely stating facts.
He nods solemnly, " It's quite hard to forget when every single time I think of you, she is there, looming in the background, sucking the life out of me," I've never seen Mason so imbittered.
" I can't marry if I'm already married. And I'd rather suffer the consequences of loving you than share a life with someone I loathe," He says soulfully. Love is a wonderful thing, but sometimes it can also be a curse.
While he rearenges his suit, I take a moment to think of my next reply. He wouldn't be the only one who would suffer the consequences. Everything that will follow afterwards will haunt us both for many years to come. It could either destroy us if we even survive Micah. Or we could come out the other end stronger.
" Think about it Canim. The end is drawing near, and I can't take this any more than you do. I love you, and I'll wait if that's what you need me to do. I'll wait because having you in my arms for a minute is priceless, and I'll cherish those moments for the rest of my life. Think about it," Every fibre of my being is screaming yes. I've known for years that there is no other, there is no after Mason.
He has been the centre of my universe while I gravitated helplessly caught in his orbit.
" I do Mason. I want to marry you, and live our lives together until we are grey and old, but...," I drift off there, everything crashing down on me.
" Live in the now, Lily. God knows I've lived in the past for far too long and there is nothing there. I don't know what the future will throw our way, but I can promise you to be there with you every step of the way," He unclasps the chain around my neck, and slides the rings off it into the palm of his hand.
" The future is not guaranteed. No matter how much we plan, there is a good chance that it will never come to fruition," He drops to one knee, and can't hold back the sob that rips out of me at the sight.
" Lily Abernathy, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife? I solemnly promise to hold you each night, to kiss you each morning. To remind you each day that you are the light of my life, and that you bring me immense joy. The world can go and fuck itself, " I slowly drop to my knees in front of him while he slides the ring on my finger with trembling hands.
He softly kisses me, threading our fingers together, salty tears mingling while he ravishes my mouth with his.
When we pull away from each other, we are both panting, our clothes wrinkled, tear-stained, but we are both happy. He mirrors my watery smile, tears shining in his eyes, while he gently places his ring in the palm of my hand, and closes my hand with his.
" Your choice Canim. I have made mine," He says with a small smile, but I can't help the tears streaming down my cheeks. Weepy Lily has made a comeback in full force and with a vengeance. He swipes his thumbs under my eyes, whatever makeup I've put on to get ready for the ball has been obliterated by sobbing.
After a few minutes when my heart has quieted, and my thoughts have settled, I look up at him from underneath my lashes with two choices in front of me. If I say no, I know Mason will understand because he knows the steep price we will have to pay once this comes to light.
Whatever decision I make, I come out losing, but at the same time, I'll have the love of my life to lean on. I know he will be there whenever I need him.