Perception is everything when it comes to the outside world. We craft ourselves to match other's perceptions of us. The way we smile, the way we behave, and the list goes on and on, could be endless. But as a counterpoint, I'd like to say that the fact that we make subtle adjustments to our behaviour in order to be perceived in a certain way, isn't always a bad thing. It only becomes bad when we alter so much, that the essence of what makes you, 'you' fades into the background, becoming a part of it. Where nobody can witness, or observe those personality traits, those little quirks that set you apart from everyone else. You just become one of them, a part of the flock. Just another face in a crowd of many, without any distinguishable attributes. A copy of another copy. And you know what happens when you overuse something, it becomes generic, and it loses its unique status. It just becomes one of those things that people tend to overlook, just because they've already seen it way too many times.
That being said, I'm struggling to understand how Eric perceives me. He doesn't seem to like me very much. Frankly, I'm not overly troubled by that notion, but he and Mason are somewhat on friendly terms.
" How long will it take this time?" Eric asks for the hundredth time. I'll have to admit that I find it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand with him complaining every other minute.
" As long as it takes," Mason replies blandly taking his eyes off me for a brief second to look at Eric. If you guessed that it was Wednesday night, you guessed right. We've been at it for a few hours with very little success. Admittedly, I'm struggling for various reasons. As soon as I went back to the academy, I jumped straight in to resume my studies and I've been doing that ever since. I'm worn thin, and dog tired. And well, sleep has become a game of catch. It comes and goes, but I don't sleep peacefully. It is a constant battle with the bed sheets. Somehow, I've become acutely aware of all the lumps in my pillow and mattress. I've even succeeded in counting all of them during my sleepless bouts. One hundred and seventeen in total. If you think that is pathetically sad, you'd be right.
Eric heaves a heavy sigh, and pushes off the wall, " You're not getting anywhere. Why don't you leave it for another day? Focus on something else if you're struggling to achieve a meditative state, " He does have a point, but I'm not ready to give up just yet.
" We will try it one more time," I say over my shoulder, and Eric nods, solemnly. I catch Mason smirking from the corner of my eye.
" Alright, " I square my shoulders and take a deep breath.
Mason takes my hands in his and gives them a light encouraging squeeze. I find this process extremely stressful, but it needs to be done.
So with that thought in mind, I lock my gaze onto Mason's while he focuses on his part in this charade.
" Vidris asmerat, " He calls and the room lights up with millions of filaments streaming from the outside world. It may not be obvious to others but to me, it is glaringly obvious that there is much more power flowing through me than last time we did this.
" Think of something, less murdery, " Mason whispers, mischievously smirking. Bitting down on the smile threatening to spread on my lips, I nod in assent. He nods back, and I'll have to admit that Eric's presence kind of sucks all the fun out of our training sessions. I can't seem to relax, in addition to the exhaustion I'm currently experiencing.
Humming, I close my eyes and focus on something less murdery. Frankly, I love animals, cats in particular. They are easygoing, fairly independent and tend to give no crap about what everyone else thinks or wants from them. That's the right attitude if you ask me.
And so, my thoughts drift to a variety of different animals from the animal kingdom with no specific aim in mind. I'm just hoping something will come out of it. This is our last attempt for the day so if I fail, so be it.
What are a few more minutes wasted, compared to the few hours we've already lost?
I wince when something sharp pierces through my trousers, and nips my shin, jolting me out of my thoughts, and making me look down at my feet. I'm greeted by a black kitten, with bright luminescent eyes staring back at me unblinking, using my leg as a scratch post.
" Wow," Mason breathes next to me leaning down to touch the cat, but memories of a certain monarch butterfly come into mind.
Gently I grab his wrist right before he touches the kitten. He is adorable, with his black fur that frankly defies the laws of physics, and those haunting eyes observing us as we lower ourselves on our haunches to look at him.
" Wonderful, you made a kitten. I'm shaking in my boots. Terrifying. I'm sure Micah will run for the hills once he sees it," It's hard to ignore the haughtiness in Eric's tone, but I try my best to observe the kitten. This is a rather new development. I find it intriguing. Mostly because it exists in the physical world, and not in one of the pockets I'm able to create.
" Right, " Mason hums next to me," Well, since you're so critical about it. We are more than happy to step aside and you're welcome to do better," He bites back, a bit of snarl in his tone but nothing to be worried about just yet. We have a few more stages of aggravating annoyance before he reaches a concerning level of bitterness.
Eric scoffs on my other side, leaning forward to observe the kitten, " Oh, please. You're acting as if this is your greatest accomplishment. It was much better last time. I'm starting to think that, if I weren't here the only training you two would do, would involve rolling on the floor, naked," There is no need to go there. Mason takes this rather seriously, a bit too serious for my liking but I've always obliged. Mostly because he is doing it on his own time, being considerate of the fact that now I have classes. So night-time, even though is quite tiring fits both of our busy schedules.