Promise. A word filled with so much meaning, and yet it only holds value when it comes from someone who has proven himself trustworthy, reliable, honourable, and loyal.
A currency that one cannot buy, it is only earned by proving yourself over and over.
You must think that sounds exhausting. And you're right, it is exhausting.
But for the sake of those we love and showed us that they deserve the effort, then no gesture is too small or too great.
It should come easy, and effortless because valuing the ones you love should sit at the forefront of your mind.
It doesn't require thought, it's a simple selfless act, without the expectations of a reward. But with the expectation of a return.
Relying on others to hold you when times are rough, is never easy. Because that means that you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable. And when we are vulnerable, we are at our weakest point but at our strongest at the same time. A bit of a paradox, if you like.
I go to bed, still holding onto that letter. Despite the simplicity of the act itself, I see it as a good omen. Our relationship is evolving, even in these dire circumstances.
I see yet another side of Mason, and I find myself completely subservient to the feelings expanding inside my chest.
It goes against my nature to embrace something without questioning it first, but then again I've been questioning my feelings for Mason for years on end. And it is time to accept that maybe this is a battle I won't win.
A fall prey to exhaustion, and snuggle into the welcoming arms of sleep. It has been a challenging few days and I find myself in need to take a moment to breathe. Before the dance commences once more.
Life is a bit like a dance, I suppose, very uncoordinated at first, you fall a lot, bruise, and cry but then get up and try again. As long as you keep practising the steps, eventually, you get the hang of it. And stop tripping on your own two left feet. Learning something is never easy.
You win some, you lose some. You can't have it both ways.
It took little to no time to grow accustomed to his body next to mine, so when the small bed in my room dips under his weight, I don't even have to open my eyes to know that it is him.
His arms wrap around me, tugging me closer to his chest. The delicate aroma of musk and white pepper envelopes me, soothing, and warm.
His lips fall on my shoulder, and from there they trail up on my shoulder settling in the crook of my neck.
The vibrant desire that surges through me is next to impossible to stop, but then again it's probably the middle of the night. So I should behave.
His wandering hands tell a different story," You said that you won't be coming until Wednesday," My breath hitches when his hand slides under my t-shirt, grazing the planes of my stomach leaving a burning trail in its wake.
" It's Wednesday," He palmes my breast, fingers twisting, and tugging at my peak. A low raspy moan slips past my lips, when his mouth latches onto mine, and kisses me with an ardour that leaves me stunned.
" I'm sorry," There is a tinge of regret in his voice," I tried to stay away," His gulps are audible in the quiet room and I don't seem to find the strength to accuse him of being reckless.
" I was careful," He whispers against my lips, and our mouths collide with unspoken urgency. I turn in his arms, and the need to feel all of him crawls under my skin, like an itch that I can't quite scratch. And it could be the clandestine nature of our relationship, or the love we share is too powerful to be contained but no matter how close we are, it isn't close enough.
Bathed in the dim silver light of the moon, Mason is achingly beautiful. His tortured eyes find mine, the palm of his hand gently slides across my cheek as if I'm delicate, and the slightest slips of his hand would bruise my skin. It won't and he knows that, but still he handles me with endless tenderness that I never thought her was capable of.
"I've missed you so much. Not being able to see you, touch you and speak to you whenever I want is driving me insane. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have come," He exhales heavily, his breath fanning across my face, disturbing a few stray hairs.
Gently, I slide my thumb under his eyes, the tiredness evident to the touch, " If you're asking for forgiveness," I say quietly, " There is nothing to forgive," The corner of his mouth lifts, dropping his forehead onto mine, and our eyes lock. It feels surreal, to experience a love that knows no bounds, that gives without being asked. A love so profound, that has etched itself in the deepest part of my soul.
He is a part of me, just as much as I'm a part of him.
The gentle slant of his mouth comes as a relief. Seeing the tension that lines his features ease and be replaced by tenderness " I missed you," I whisper against his lips, threading my fingers through the short hairs at the back of his head, our breath mingling with the scent of spice and tuberose. A perfect heady mix of us, that has me soaring heights I couldn't ever imagined. Mason is everything to me, and after the letter he has sent today, I know for certain that I will not shoulder any burden alone. Not anymore.
His lips fall on mine, a little more aggressively, scrunching our faces together, a tangle of limbs and heated bodies, we roll off the bed and fall on the floor with a loud thud.
Well, so much for being quiet.
" Shit " Mason laughs, as we roll on the hardwood floor, and I can't help but laugh with him. But I take in every emotion that flits on his expression, unbridled happiness in spite of the circumstances.
Slowly, the glee wanes, and he falls serious. His gaze falls on mine, holding me hostage, " I love you, Canim," He whispers as he leans in, pressing his lips on mine before I have a chance to reciprocate. I'm no stranger to his delicate and suave kisses. Wordless display of love and adoration, devoid of any lust, just pure and unbidden love.
But words are not always necessary, so I wind my arms tighter around his neck, pressing our bodies together, relishing the firmness of his touch, the searing heat in the palms of his hands that trail up my body, leaving no inch of skin untouched.