In light of the new revelation, I decide that there is no such thing as a good time to discuss bad news. So with a deep breath, I dive into the deep end. I wish I could say that I see the light at the end of the tunnel but right now I find it difficult to have a positive mindset.
" Eric summoned me to his office today," I begin quietly. Mason's brows furrow, tilts his head to the side to study my expression more closely.
" I see," He breathes the words, and lightly shakes his head.
" I didn't think Emmeline would say anything to him, " He takes a deep breath, his brows pinch closer together" I didn't think that he would use it against you," Truth be told, there wasn't a lot of thinking involved that day, but now it's done and it's probably for the best. They say lies have short legs. And I find that is very true, but still, this seems an impossible situation. Insurmountable.
" His terms were very clear. Cease the relationship or get expelled. I have until Wednesday morning," I carry on in spite of his tangible dismay. Sadness washes over me very much like a tidal wave. It has been like this all afternoon. I'm not ready. I don't think I'll ever be.
" So, this is it, is it?" He asks looking forlorn. Clearly, he is putting this decision into my hands, and I find it endearing that he is not forcing my hand. Gratitude and relief fill me, mixing with a sense of sadness. The cocktails of emotions feels overwhelming, but I do my best to keep them on a tight leash. Now it's not the right time to have a pity party.
" Whatever you decide, I'll be alright," He threads his fingers with mine and watches me with palpable sadness.
" He said terminate the relationship. Not cease all contact," I try to rationalise out loud, even though I know Mason can get glimpses of my thoughts. Even though I can't help the desolation creeping up on me.
A sad smile tugs at the corner of his lips," You do understand that if we get caught again, there will be no more free passes. He will expel you in one single breath. And there won't be anything that I can do. Eric is very good at detaching his personal life from the academy. It won't matter that we are friends. And Emmeline is the same. He is a good man, albeit a bit rigid when it comes to the academy," I figured as much since she disclosed our relationship without as much as a second thought to Eric. At the end of the day, her loyalties lie with her husband. To her, I'm nothing more than a stranger.
" A stranger who brought her husband back from the dead," That gives me pause and drags me back to him. My thoughts must be crowding because Mason can hear them.
" What do you mean?" I ask, watching Mason as he shuffles in his seat.
" Eric died, a few months before Micah took you to the temple. He was attacked while leading a search party for a group of V'asay that was causing trouble. It is one of the things that you changed when you merged the past with the future. Thus changing the events. That's why Emmeline was in charge of Zareen when she found you. I'm sure a lot of things changed due to that event but in retrospect, we've gained more than we could have lost." Time flows unidirectional, and what I did changed some of the events past, present and future. I wonder what else has changed? Other than resurrecting Enid and Eric.
" Would it be worth mentioning it to him? Maybe it will bode in our favour," I ask and Mason gives it a minute to think about it.
" Maybe. But knowing Eric, he will take it as a personal affront. So, it's best to play by his rules for the time being. All things considered, I don't want you to think that if you want to dedicate yourself to your studies and pause our relationship for the time being will influence how I feel about you. Quite the opposite, I'll be very proud of you for being a step closer to fulfilling your dreams" He drags his chair next to mine, and ever so gently clasps my hands in his, gazing at me with utter adoration. And I live and breathe for these moments. Even if they are rarer than precious jewels, more reason to cherish them even more. He deserves a standing ovation for that speech but sadly we have to be quiet. So, I settle to pressing a kiss on our joined hands to convey my undying gratitude.
" I love you, Canim. And if I have to wait to hold you, I will. It doesn't mean that I want to, but I don't want to be the one who stands in your way. More than anything, I want you to be proud of yourself and what you've accomplished. And if that means I have to step aside for a while then, that's what I'll do," He gives me a small smile, but it's still warmer than a summer's day. I don't know whether it is possible to love him more than I already do, but I find myself falling deeper into the ocean of love in his eyes.
" Thank you," I say. He kisses our joined hands, and lets out a deep breath, " I don't know what to say," I sniffle, and try my best to remind myself that this isn't goodbye. It's just I'll see you later. That doesn't help, losing him feels like losing a piece of myself. The only consolation is that we will still see each other but it won't be on romantic terms.
Mason is as good as Eric at compartmentalising certain aspects of their lives. I, on the other hand, I'm still learning. Getting better at it, I think.
When I begin to sob, he pulls me in his lap and wraps his arms around me, and I allow myself to relish his warm embrace and the feel of his comforting touch. The way his body wraps around mine, shielding me. The frantic beat of his heart galloping in his chest, just as wildly as mine does. This might be our last embrace for a while, so I relish every second of it. His lips skim my temple, warm and soft while he whispers in my ear words of encouragement.
" Nothing worth fighting for is easy, Canim. Will get through it. I promise. In the meantime, we will still see each other," He says soothingly, his voice so gentle and calming and for some reason, it does nothing to my aching heart. We just found our way to each other. We finally put all our differences to bed, only to be torn apart once again.
" Promise," I sob in his chest, bunching up his shirt in my fist, his grip grows tighter around my shoulder pulling me closer to him. As if trying to merge our bodies. Only if.
" We still have to train. I'm not leaving you all alone in this. I'll be by your side even though I won't be able to claim you as mine. For now, it will have to do, Canim." He kisses the top of my while gently stroking my back in lazy circles.
" I'm yours and you are mine," I lift my head off his chest to look at him and find him smiling," I'll work harder and finish the courses ahead of time," He chuckles and kisses my forehead.
" That is what I like the most about you. I've never seen anyone as determined as you," I give him a watery smile, as Mason swipes his thumb under my eyes to catch the silent tears that won't stop flowing. His soft touch and his words of encouragement light me up from inside out, the ever-expanding warmth spreading through me at an overwhelming rate.
" You have a beautiful smile, Canim. Never take that away from me, " He pinches my chin and tilts my head back to bring my lips closer to his. When his lips touch mine, the softness of the kiss takes my breath away. There is love, pain, passion and a lot of unspoken words in that kiss.
His tongue sweeps in my mouth, enticing mine to a dance that only we know how to, and I relish the taste of him and sweet chocolate. Being with Mason comes easy, it is my second nature, just like breathing. His tongue delves deeper into my mouth, and his hands glide over my shoulders settling on either side of my face, while he ravishes my mouth. I melt into his arms, my fingers thread in his silky mane, and our moans mingle in the inky darkness. The lover's anthem, it should be called. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that kiss. It is branded into my soul just like every moment we shared since our lives collided.