Landing in front of the building I realise that it is his office. The plaque on the building reads Kinnaird Manufacturing. For the longest time, I didn't know what he actually did for a job. I suppose he did a bit of everything. Businessman, a thief, and a good one at that because he had stolen my heart without even trying and I didn't even notice until it was too late. A man who involved himself in the community and helped the ones who needed it. I was included in that category until I wasn't. If he hadn't been there to hold my hand when I needed it. I wouldn't be standing in front of his building. I owed him a world of gratitude among other things. I needed to try harder, to understand and perhaps forgive him l, even though he is completely unreasonable in regards to us.
Melancholy sweeps over me in an unexpected wave and I feel my heart beating in my chest once more, merely at the proximity between us. There might be walls separating us, but I feel his presence now that I know what I'm looking for, a faint tug in my gut that pulls me towards him. It is waking up and I know it was because he is near me.
Light on my feet I walk into the building, and I'm taken aback by the simplicity of the decor. I expected polished marbled floors and expensive furnishings but it is modest, yet functional.
His office sits at the end of the corridor and I can see him lean over his desk. He is working. He tirelessly works, more than I've ever seen anyone work. I know that much. The number of days that he came in past midnight was countless. More so, the ones that he spent waking up when most slept peacefully.
With a shaky hand, I reach for the knob on the door and he raises his head as I twist it and open the door.
Once again he doesn't seem surprised to see me but not impressed either with my presence in his office. Mason doesn't bother to stand, but leans back in his chair, tapping his pen against the wooden desk.
" Hello, Lily. What brings to my doorstep on this fine evening," Sarcasm drips from his tone, trying to get a rise out of me, and I find it hard to believe that this is what it has come to. It isn't a fine evening. I know I looked worse for wear but he doesn't look better either. His once put-together facade was history. His hair is dishevelled, with dark circles under his eyes and the rumpled shirt and jacket he is wearing has seen better days. We are a mess, that is for sure.
" We need to talk," I take a step forward and he nods. I expected him to chase me away but he didn't as if he was expecting this visit. The more I look at him, I realise that he probably did, so I slide into the seat opposite to him and take a moment to breathe in. Calm my inner storm, because every cell in my body is raging mad at him for everything that is happening between us.
" I know Enid came to see you today. She is not as sneaky as she thinks she is. You want to know about the journals," His cold and distant demeanour does very little to deter me. If this is how he wants to play then I'll play his stupid games, and we will see who wins.
" Yes. Why haven't you told me about them?" He leans back in his chair and laughs. It is empty and lacking any real humour, grating my nerve endings, and I find that I'm on edge, more than usual.
" I found it difficult to tell you about them because you were dead. I have a lot of talents but summoning the dead isn't one of them," He smirks at me and I find that it was a fair point. He said it himself, he was still piecing the puzzle together when I decided that it was better for me to stay away.
" That is how you knew what I was. That's how you knew how to summon the bond between us," I lean forward in my chair and smile at him, even though it lacks any shine. He smiles back and runs a hand through his hair. It is more like we are bearing our teeth at each other in a display of dominance, to see who falters first. It won't be me and I know he is stubborn enough to stick with it until the end.
" Yes," He says curtly, watching me as I stand to walk around the desk, girating in his seat to face me. If he is wary of me, he doesn't show it, but I know I wouldn't be able to hurt him, physically.
" I want them, " I prop my hip against his desk and stretch an open hand to him, his eyes follow the movement, and the smile on his lips never falters.
" I don't keep them in my office. They are safe. You'll have to give me some time to retrieve them," He stands up, towering over me, studying my expression with keen eyes, giving away nothing, other than bearing his teeth at me, almost in a sneer. But I know him well enough that he is bearly holding back from lashing out at me.
" But you didn't come here just for the journals," He says quietly and I grab his hand. I know with him I can create a safe place for us, balancing the power within me, and keeping from lashing out against me. He keeps me balanced and at the same time, he is the only one capable of tipping me over the edge with so much as a thought.
We find ourselves in the middle of a meadow with beautiful purple flowers in bloom, a warm breeze sweeps over the land and above us, there is a pink sky with two small suns visibly gravitating around each other. I have no idea how I create these little safe havens but I know I'm able to project them only he is with me, otherwise every time I slip into one of these pockets they almost always try to kill me.
His shoulders slump and sighs, " Are you planning to keep me here as your prisoner?" The corner of his mouth tilts up, and I see a small trace of the man I once knew make a brief appearance. It will have to do.
" Maybe. I don't know. I haven't decided yet. Are still going to marry Ava even though you don't want to? You are being unfair Mason," I take a deep breath and let go of his hand, and plop myself in the tall grass, that sways in the gentle breeze sweeping over the meadow. I have a vague memory of a similar place inside a cupboard but it all seems so far away right now as if it belongs in a different lifetime, and perhaps it does to some extent.
" Fair," He scoffs, waving dismissively " I tried to be fair. That didn't work very well. When things got hard, you ran away. I stayed, Lily. What makes you think that I want to spend the rest of my life wondering when are you going to run off next and leave me to clean up after you," Good point, but still unfair, sort of.
" I didn't run away," I say softly," Shay took me to Helej Norun. Close by anyway. When we reappeared in the cave, Eagan and Lissete were there. How did they know about Shay? We fought. They lost and Shay tried to go back but couldn't for some reason. He tried so many times and eventually, he lost consciousness," I pause when Mason plops down next to me and sighs. He focuses his gaze on the small mound not far in front of us and begins plucking the grass on the ground.
He says nothing and I continue," Needless to say you were right about energy release. I levelled the red sands and turned into them glass as far the eye could see. I took Shay and began to search for Helej Norun. I wandered, I don't know for how long until a couple found me and Shay. They took us to their house and I stayed there. That's when I decided to stay away from everyone I loved. It wasn't easy. But I consoled myself with the thought that Micah didn't want you, or Enid. He wanted me," He listened quietly and I carried on, " After a while, I met T'aethi, a school teacher in the Monite colony. She taught me how to fight. I gave you up because I thought it was something I had to do to save you. Maybe I was wrong," I finish in a quiet voice and he nods.
" I'm not mad that you stayed in Helej Norun. I'm not mad that you chose to do things your way. I'm mad because.." He takes a deep breath, " I lost you. I failed you. I won't get another moment to be with you. I wouldn't get a lifetime with you. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. And then I found you, and you were alive and well. Beating the shit out of Eagan. When I thought you died. I died with you Lily and that part of me isn't coming back," His voice sounds resolute. He stands up and begins to walk towards the mound. He has found the fissure in the pocket. He didn't care what I had to say to defend myself, he was just biding his time until he found the way out.
I rise and follow after him.
We both step into the office and he turns around to face me.
" I'll let you know once I have the journals. Until then, goodbye Lily," He says coldly and sits back down at his desk as if nothing has happened.
" You said you would never let me go. I believed you," I say softly, and he raises his head to look at me, vacantly. The warmth that once floated within his icy gaze is gone, leaving behind a frozen wasteland.
" I didn't. You did," He looks back down at the paperwork on his desk. It wasn't meant to be. If things fell apart so quickly, so easily then no matter how hard I fight, no matter how much I'll try to reach him, he won't listen other than his own reasoning. If that's all it took to tear us apart, then maybe we weren't meant to be together.
There is plenty more to say but I know it would be a wasted breath because he has built his walls so high, and so thick that it would be impossible for me to climb, or blast a hole through them.