Days past in a daze, unable the shake the cloud hanging over my head. Saturday creps in at a snail's pace but comes nonetheless. The sun rises, and sinks each day, unaffected. The world is still spinning on its axis, but I lived in a personal hell, strangely enough of my own creation.
When dawn creps in, I am still perched on the roof of the academy keeping my eyes on the horizon watching the sun rise as it did every freaking day. Hours later, when the rain came pouring down, I'm still on the roof, letting it wash over me in the hopes that would wash away the fury that had settled within my heart. His words still rattled inside my head as if he had just spoken them. I didn't feel cold. I didn't feel the frigid October wind biting at my skin. I remained numb, unmoving. I was breathing, but I was dead on the inside.
The rain finally relented and I saw Laira making her way to the car, with David. I vaguely remembered the surprise she'd mentioned while we met the other day.
No amount of cake in the world was enough to make me feel better. There weren't enough words in the vocabulary to make me feel better.
There was only one person that could take away the pain that throbbed in my chest. It had taken permanent residence in my heart. Betrayal, grief, heartbreak, and the general feeling of loss lingered around me turning everything dull, lifeless just like I felt. Being able to breathe, walk around and generally exist doesn't exactly qualify as being alive. At least, I didn't feel like I was.
Hours passed and I saw Laira return, with David and someone else. A white-haired lady with a medium build who carries herself with a certain grace that only one person I knew was capable of, Enid. I couldn't see that well from afar, but there was mistaking who she brought along with her. Laira was easy to recognise because of the unique colour of her hair.
I've never tried to jump from the higher height than the houses in Helej Norun, but I didn't have the patience to descend the lengthy flight of stairs.
I land in front of the dormitories as they move towards the main building. They all stop at the sound of the loud thump. I'm drenched, and probably look creepy as fuck, but I wanted to see Enid and I couldn't wait.
Laira gasps, somewhere between horror and pride settles on her expression but recovers quickly when she realises it's me. David sighs and shakes his head in disapproval at my state and antic, no doubt. I'm still figuring out how far I'm able to stretch my capabilities but I go out on a limb to say that it is pretty far, an untested theory but no doubt David would love to have a poke at me.
Enid is holding Laira's hand and looks at me wide-eyed, in disbelief.
Eventually, Enid lets go of Laira's hand and bounds towards me brimming with joy, and teary-eyed. I'm slightly taken aback because I've never seen her in that state. I want to cry but something has shut off inside me. As if, somehow Mason's news has managed to turn all the lights off. I know I should feel happy to see Enid but the joy that I'm expecting to inundate and fill me with warmth fails to make an appearance.
Enid sobs and holds me tighter, and I gently rub her back trying my best to soothe her and take in the lovely rose scent that follows her everywhere. It is more of an instinctual response rather than an emotional one because I know that is what I'm supposed to do.
I've missed Enid, that much I know. I've thought about her many times and did my best to recall her gentle smiles, her warm embrace, when homesickness overtook me.
Slowly she pulls away and looks up at me, compassionately, " When he told me that you are alive, I didn't believe him," She is speaking about Mason. I'm expecting accusations to be thrown at me but her eyes begin to water again and I feel compelled to wipe away the stray tears with my thumbs. Enid looks up at me, looking a bit lost and the hurt that fills her eyes registers inside my brain but doesn't spark anything within me. I curse myself internally and hold her gaze just long enough to muster an apologetic smile.
" I thought it was for the best," I whisper sounding more and more like a broken record. I'm getting fed up dishing out the same excuse, even though it is true.
Enid nods and places her hands over mine on her face, relishing the moment. She has aged since I last saw her more than it was normal. One of the many consequences of my disappearance is staring back at me looking ten years older than she should be, looking on the verge of passing out.
Her hair had gone completely white from the beautiful amber blond, and the bags under her eyes were enough to tell me that she hadn't slept in a really long time.
" We should go inside," Laira cranes her neck over Enid's shoulder and I nod in assent. She raises a bag and I know she has brought the cake like she promised. Although my appetite has abandoned me a long time ago, I muster a thank you to show gratitude for my efforts, regardless of wether I feel like having them or not.
" You should change your clothes. You'll get a cold," Enid rasps and looks at me with furrowed brows. Strangely, I do not remember having a cold or the sniffles growing up. I suppose being a part of the supernatural world does come with some perks, other than being hunted like a prized creature.
" They will dry once I'm inside. We should get you out of the cold," I say trying to put some lightness into my tone but it doesn't come out properly. None of my attempts to sound nonchalant have manage to hit the mark lately. Lamely, I smile trying to drive the point home but Enid frowns and I know I probably look queasy in my attempt to lighten the mood.
We all move to the Laira's room and settle at the table. She pulls an entire chocolate cake out of the bag and begins placing the plates on the table.
Enid is staring at me intensely, probably deciding what to ask first. Unless Mason has already told her the whole story. There is a good chance that he hasn't, the bastard is more secretive than anyone I have ever met. Including my parents but I know they have done it for my benefit, so I can have a sliver of normalcy in my life. I understand that much, and I can't fault them for that, even though it would have been handy if I had known the truth from early on. This would have gone entirely different.
" How is Helej Norun?" She takes a bite out of her cake and waits for me to answer.
" Hot," I say curtly and Enid hums and nods
" Don't they have phones over there?" It's a trap question, but I play along. Enid is making her jabs with a content smile on her lips, and that worries me. I love the woman as much as I love my mother.
" Yes, they do," I say quietly and look around the table. Laira and David have decided to just sit and watch for the time being. David has made his thoughts clear on my presence around Laira. He is around whenever I'm around, and I barely get to see Laira on her own. He is like a guard dog. And I appreciate his concern for Laira because I care about Laira just as much as he does. But it is unnecessary because I would do anything to protect Laira.
Enid hums and takes another bite of her piece of cake, and Laira rises to her feet and keeps herself busy over the stove. She is making tea, just to avoid butting in to jump in my defence. I'm grateful that she is in my corner.
" And do you know how to use one or were they broken," Closing my eyes, I sigh. I knew Enid would do this. She would find a way to draw the truth out of me even if I didn't want to put that burden on her shoulders. No one deserves to get dragged into this mess.
Laira places a cup of tea in front of me and Enid, pats David on his shoulder and tilts her head towards the door.
He rises and they both step outside.
" Enid it's complicated," I begin quietly, " I can't take back what happened. But I can make amends towards everyone who felt hurt by my decision," I take a deep breath.
" You may or may not know this but Mason and I," Enid raises her hand to stop me from speaking, and I clamp my mouth shut at the gesture, unsure if I should delve into that part of my life with Enid. It makes me extremely uncomfortable to speak of it with the women who raised the man. Shit.
" Do not take this the hard way. I may not approve of it but sometimes is best that one doesn't stand in the way. You thought you could fool me. I just wished you would have come and talked to me," She takes a slow breath in and takes a sip of her tea.
" I wanted to, so many times," She sighs and closes her eyes, resigned.
" Is that why you left?" She asks with furrowed brows.
" No. It is a long story. The less you know, the better it is for you, Enid. I'm glad that I got to see you but it is best if you stay away from me for the time being," Enid frowns, leans back in the chair, and stays quiet for a good minute.
" Not knowing the truth...how did that work out for you, Lily?" A very pertinent question. Not good. Damn, the woman makes a great point.
" I know Mason won't tell me because he thinks, just like you, I should stay in the dark. Less you know. Less you have to worry about. But this is more than just a love affair, isn't it?" I nod at her question and she sighs, exasperated. Enid's shrewd eyes study me for a few good minutes before finally nodding to herself. I'm not privy to her thoughts but I can easily assume that she has made her peace with whatever has happened between Mason and I.
She rises from her seat and begins to rummage through Laira's cupboards.
" I'll make us lunch. You better start talking. And I want to know every little dirty secret you and Mason are keeping from me," She leaves no room to wiggle and I know she won't budge even if I try to avoid it in anyway.