My good girl behaviour lasted a total of nine days and three quarters. As soon as night set in, I perched myself on the roof of the academy and traced with my eyes the path I imagined myself taking countless times that I knew would take me to him. I didn't know if Mason's habits had changed but it was worth a try.
One deep breath and I begin running on the roof and jump over, catching myself on a high branch of the nearest tree. The beauty of having the academy surrounded by so much greenery was that it offered a wealth of possibilities to get out unnoticed. If you were a cat or extremely athletic. I'm not a cat but I did pretty well at the last part.
Staying high in the tree canopy, I hopped from branch to branch and from tree to tree until I was finally over the fence. One last look back before taking the final leap and that's when I felt it. It was subtle but it was there, it passed through me like a wave and I knew it was the concealment spell Mason was speaking of. It had to be something to do with Zareen being under the academy.
The pull between us intensified the closer I got him. I had to be careful. I whispered the words he had whispered to me to show me our connection. It appeared in a blinding light, like a beacon in the darkness. I tracked with my eyes where the energy was leading me because I knew at some point along the way, I would find him.
He was home. Not pondering any longer, I begin my trek partly on foot and partly through the blimmin' trees. In the end, it helped me reach Northenhay faster.
When I landed in the back garden leading up to my old room, I let out a breath of relief that it would be easy. I knew the ins and outs of the place I'd called home for two years. No need for a guide from there on.
Or so I thought until I tried the door and realised it was locked. Damn it.
One last try. I make my way to the bathroom window which is low enough for me to climb through. Even if it wasn't, I would've crawled up the walls and climbed my way to him, thankfully I was spared. No need for excessive acrobatics.
Perched on the generous sill, I try the window and it opens with a creak. For a former thief, he wasn't very good at protecting his home from girls creeping into his house.
Light on my feet, I step into the bathroom and have a look around. It has been untouched since I've been in there last.
The bathroom door is slightly ajar, so I poke my head inside and my breath catches in my throat at the sight of him asleep in our bed. He looks peaceful and I don't dare to breathe loudly, afraid of what would happen if he woke up. I know he is angry with me, but the weight that has been suffocating me for so long, finally lifts and I can feel my lungs expand to full capacity.
My feet carry me to the bed of their own volition. I can't stop myself, nor want to.
I'm here and I don't want to leave.
He shuffles in his sleep and I take advantage of the rustling sheets and slide on the edge of the bed. Our bed.
Mason is sleeping in the bed we have shared so many nights in, and that gives me hope that he hasn't given up on us, on me.
Moonlight trickles through, shadowing his otherwise light skin, his chest moves in time with each breath he takes and all I want is to push away that lock of hair that rests on his eyebrow. To run my fingers through his soft hair and feel his lips brush against mine. The longing inside me takes control and I find myself leaning over, brushing my lips on his and praying fervently that he doesn't wake up.
My prayer falls on deaf ears because his eyes flutter open and the two pools of icy blue staring back at me put me in a trance. I can't take my eyes off him. Mason doesn't seem surprised to see me in the room, hovering over him. He doesn't seem to feel anything. He is as blank as a sheet of paper.
He slowly pushes up to sit on the bed and I pull away, settling on the edge of the bed, slightly embarrassed. It feels as if I'm invading his space. He looks at me with momentary softenes but it quickly slips away and gets replaced by the same vacant expression as before. Great, I'm making zero progress.
" You shouldn't be here," He says under his breath. I'm acutely aware of the risk I've taken and the danger I've put him and myself in but...
I'd risk anything, just to be close to him. He doesn't seem to share the sentiment
" I know," And I leave it at that because I don't know how to navigate the situation. I didn't think through. I wanted to see him.
" You should leave," He says coldly, and throws his legs over the edge of the bed, and scrubs his face with his hands to chase away any remnants of lingering sleep.
" Mason," I begin but I'm finding it difficult to figure out what to say next. There is a good chance that nothing I have to say will appease his ire.
" Please," That comes out more like a whine than a plea. That was not what I had in mind. I'll have to admit that it is not my best attempt.
Mason doesn't seem impressed either, judging by the scathing look he is throwing my way.
" No Lily. You wanted to be alone. I gave you that. I would've given anything you wanted, " His voice begins to rise, just like it did in Helej Norun, letting his anger slip through his very carefully constructed facade. He is a master at concealing his emotions, and the fact he is struggling is enough to know that he is still livid about everything.
" And I'd do anything to keep you safe. Just like you did," It was my best argument up until that point. One that wouldn't stand a chance against him, but it was worth a try. What more I could lose?
" So, how did it work out for you Lily?" He throws back and I bite my tongue. I don't want to argue with him.
" I would have dived into the deep end with you, Lily. Be with you till the end. Until Micah was dealt with. I begged you to hold on a little longer. I would have gone to the ends of the earth and back a thousand times over," He is panting and shouting. My eyes water and I feel a tear slip through. He is angry. I've never seen him lose control of his temper.
I stand to my feet to face him, clasp his face in my hands and press my lips to his in an attempt to soothe his ire.
Slowly he gives in, and I feel my heart wildly beating in my chest at the soothing feel of his skin on mine, as he deepens the kiss. Joy blooms inside me but I know this won't be easy.
He abruptly pulls away, takes a step back and shakes his head. Denying me was something I expected but the hurt that sweeps through me isn't something I prepared myself for. It feels as though my heart is being ripped out of my chest, leaving behind a gaping void.
" No. You're dead. I buried you and everything along with you," He says breathlessly, wildly searching my face for something, although I'm not sure what that is.
Closing the distance between us, I wrap my arms around his waist and cling to him desperately, because I don't know what else to do. He is hurting.
" Please. I'm begging you. Don't shut me out," I say softly, looking up at him but he is looking out the window, vacantly. Angst begins to squeeze my throat tight, cutting the little air I'm already getting.
" You're punishing me. I know. But you're punishing yourself too," I barely managed to squeeze those words out. The panic rising to new heights.
He scoffs and pushes me away once more and finally looks down at me.
There is nothing there for me, not even the slightest shred of warmth or even anger. I'd take anger over nothing.