Morning comes by faster than I wanted it to come. The dread that has taken residence inside me, is here to stay. I conclude, after last night's conversation still lingers, turning my head just as murky as the weather outside. I need my friend. I need to see Laira. Even if, I can't tell her about all that is happening. She will take my mind off things.
Half present, I dress for the interview. I'm half on this plane of existence, and the other half is doing laps inside my head.
" Miss," Louis calls from behind the door, and I know it's time to move. The interview is at ten this time around. It is already half past seven. And I know they are here to collect the boxes where my entire life fits. That thought saddens me.
Enid pokes her head in and walks behind Louis taking me in and taking in the room.
" This house won't be the same without you," She woefully sighs, and sniffles.
We hug and comfort each other. Because, I too, I'm torn.
Louis carries the boxes out of the room, one by one, while Enid and I feel sorry for ourselves, plopped on the edge of the bed. I don't want to cry, because it will make me look worse than I already do. Let's just say, I had better days.
When Louis has finished emptying the room. Enid and I, finally say our final goodbye. I find it ridiculous since I'll be only an hour away from her, but leaving someone you love behind, is hard. No matter how close or far you are going to be.
By the time I reach the car, Louis and Carter are already waiting. I slide into the back seat and watch Enid wave at me from the steps of Northenhay, tearful. I'm a sappy fool. I know. But she is like a mother to me. How could I not?
The drive to the academy passes in a daze. I only sober up, when we pass through the gates of the academy. Instinctively, I look at the building, a ball of nerves. I've done it once. I can do it again. I tell myself. I have to.
Louis and Carter wish me good luck and tell me that they will be waiting for me. And I'm relieved. Because I will need someone to pick me off the floor the moment I step out of Aldo's office.
Gathering all the strength I can muster after a night of fitful sleep, I make my way towards the admissions hall.
Frankie raises her head the moment I step inside and smiles, bitterly at me. And the breath in my lungs stalls.
" Morning Frankie," I say with half a smile, and she nods back. Her clouded expression softens and tilts her head towards Aldo's office.
" He is in there with someone at the moment. He should be finished in the next five to ten minutes," I raise my hand to look at the watch and it shows fifteen minutes to ten.
" Thank you, Frankie," I say under my breath. Frankie opens her mouth to say something but changes her mind and clamps her mouth shut.
" Take a seat," She stands and waves towards the rows of seats lined next to the wall. I nod, and every step that I take is filled with dread and angst.
"Don't cower in his presence," Frankie whispers the moment I sit. I turn to look at her at the unexpected advice. The first time I was here, we didn't have time to speak. I was running and barely had time to breathe.
" I think the man feeds on fear. He loves instilling horror into students when they come here, " She steps from behind her desk and sidles next to me, " I think that is one of the reasons he never liked Mr Kinnaird." I nod and swallow, but my throat is dry and I already know I have lost the ability to speak and think for the next thirty minutes.
Frankie must see the fear etched on my face, because she gives me a comforting pat on my hand, and scurries to her desk when the door cracks open.
Eric strolls out of his office eating the floor with long lean legs, wearing a grey-blue suit, that emphasises his build.
" Miss Abernathy," He nods in greeting and I stand.
I nod back, " Eric," I say in a breath and he smiles showing his full set of teeth.
" Good luck," He says in passing. Frankie and Eric exchange a quick goodbye while I turn my attention towards the office door. With each second that ticks by it begins to resemble more and more to the gates of hell. And I can't breathe.
" Shit," Frankie is next to me. I didn't hear her when she moved because I was staring at the flaming door in front of me.
" Breathe," Frankie whispers but I can't. I'm gasping for air like a fish out of the water.
" Son of a bitch," She mutters under her breath as she pulls me back into the seat, and lowers herself in front of me, at eye level.
" Sweetheart. You need to breathe. You're turning blue," She says with a hint of amusement. Air refuses to enter, and leave my lungs no matter how much I try to take a deep breath, my throat has fully closed up.
I can't feel it but I hear it. Frankie slaps me so hard that my head turns sideways, and I can taste the blood on my tongue.
On the bright side, it worked like a charm. It snapped me out of my panic attack. But it hurt like a bitch.
" Thank fuck," She breathes and I can finally see her. The room comes back into focus.
Up close, her hazel eyes appear golden, full of love, and pain. I blink and she pulls herself up to stand, walks to her desk and returns with a glass of water and a paper tissue.
She hands me both," Wipe the blood off your lip," I nod, stand before her and look again at the door.
" He will eat you alive in there if you don't get it together," Frankie mutters, as she plucks up my backpack off the seat and hands it to me.
" Time to go, sweetheart," She nudges me towards the door, unapologetically.
My feet carry me forward. I don't feel like my usual self. I must be in some sort of trance. I don't recall the initial stages of my conversation with Aldo. I don't recall walking into his office. My brain must've gone into survival mode.
Because that is all I'm doing, survive.