Beneath us, the first thing that began to slowly materialise was one of my favourite things about the room I lived in for two years in Northenhay.
The beautiful yellow carpet with chicory flowers in front of the bed. Chicory flowers that reminded me of his eyes. The eyes that I would do the impossible to see myself reflected in them, just one more time.
Quickly the dark amber hardwood floor followed, and around us, I could see the versions of ourselves, of that morning before everything went to shit. Before my heart was broken into pieces so small that you could thread them through a needle.
The smile that played on his lips before he wished me good luck and said goodbye. And the enamoured look clearly etched on my expression as I gazed up at him was plain clear as day. Seeing myself from the outside was a different kind of experience.
I tear my eyes away from our fading doubles and look at him. Our eyes meet, and I know he knows what I've done. That is not what had in mind.
We both fall onto the floor, but we don't take our eyes off each other. He doesn't blink. I don't blink. And I know we are both alive and truly well. Because he looks exactly like the man who walked through that door minutes ago.The man that was supposed to leave for a business trip and never come back.
I'm still wearing the bathrobe and he is wearing a shirt that is shredded and tattered, along with a pair of odd-looking trousers. His clothes are bloodless.
He blinks and looks up at the ceiling and then at me. I don't say anything. Mason doesn't say anything and we return to staring at each other.
I know why I'm silent. I'm in mild shock. So, I go ahead and assume that what just happened, it's out of the ordinary even for him. I don't know whether all of it had been a dream or I just magicked my way across dimensions. Or I just simply changed our future by returning us to a present where I felt safe.
A present where Enid existed. Where she was alive and well. Where we were both unharmed and relatively happy.
The feel of his knuckles brushing against my cheek snaps me out of my daze and I finally take a deep, much-needed breath. The corners of his mouth tilt up and I close my eyes, relieved, happy, exhausted. I'm a bundle of emotions and I can't decide which one I should experience first.
" Lily," He softly calls, and I shudder and lunge myself at him. I need to know if this is real. The thing about reality is that we all experience it differently.
" Tell me that you are alive and you are here with me and this is real. Tell me I'm not dreaming. Tell me," I take a deep shuddering breath, " Tell me that it was nothing more than a bad dream," I finish in the crook of his neck and he tightens his grip on me, kisses my hair and draws a deep breath in.
" I'm alive," He begins quietly, " I'm here," He pauses for a brief moment," This is real," I feel that there is more to that but I don't poke at it because if the bubble bursts. I don't want to know what will happen once it explodes, " You can think of it as a bad dream," He swallows, " But know this, I will find you. Every version of you. I will find you, in whatever corner of the universe you decide to hide. I will find you. In each reality you create. I will find you. Because I don't know how to be. I don't know how to live in a world where you don't exist, my sweet Lily, " I bury my face deeper in the crook of his neck and stifle a sob. It was all the I love yous we hadn't said to each other. It was all the unspoken longing. All the nights and days that came and went and we weren't in each other's arms.
" I heard you," He carries on in the same quiet voice," Before I died," This time I'm incapable of holding back the sob and comes out muffled in his shoulder. It is a pain I never want to experience again. I never want to experience the pain of having my soul ripped out of my body and burnt to a crisp until there is nothing left but a wisp of dust in the wind. For we are nothing more than dust, in a timeless universe. Our existence is precarious, but not essential. We are ephemeral. We are consequence.
" Shh, Shh," He soothes while I bawl my eyes out, clinging to him for dear life.
" Lily? Mason?" The sound of her motherly voice spurs another wave of tears and there is nothing I can do to stop them. I let them fall. I'm a crybaby. I know. I don't care.
" What happened?" Enid asks and I hear her soft steps approaching. And I'm happy. So happy to hear her voice.
Delicate rose aroma drifts to my nose and all want is to bury my nose in her hair and breathe it in forever.
" A terrible dream," Mason decides to answer for me.
" Why are you on the floor?" She curiously asks and I have an inkling that she does not believe a word of what Mason is saying.
" I found her on the floor," Not entirely true but not a lie either.
" What time is it?" He asks and I remember that this is the day where I'm supposed to have my interview with Aldo.
" Eight o'clock," Enid sighs," She has missed her interview," And I don't seem to care about it as much as I used to.
" It's alright. I'm sure Aldo will understand," He rubs my back soothingly, "Let's get you up," He encourages as he slowly pushes both of us to sit on the floor. When I lift my head, my gaze meets Enids as she studies me with keen eyes.
" Are they back?" She asks with a small frown, and I nod. Because I don't trust myself to open my mouth and not say ' I'm so happy that you are alive,'
I don't trust myself with anything in those moments. So, I have to trust Mason. I know he will keep Enid in the dark and it is probably for the best. I don't think her heart would cope with the shock of being dragged into our messed-up world.
And I realise that she is being oblivious by choice to the outside world.
When things get to be too much we seek refuge in a space where we can cope with life on our own terms. Because the alternative is to face the world head-on and get squashed under its sheer intensity.