Chapter 114 - Dear Emmeline

For the first time, I'm terrified of the unknown. You already know where I dwell. A world unfit for those who still have some good in them. For those who haven't been touched by the shadows. For those who still believe that this world is still worth fighting for and worth saving.
Everything has become convoluted. Once we waged wars against poverty and injustice. Now we wage wars against the poor and create laws to justify the injustice.
Once we stood for each other. For those who couldn't fend for themselves. Now, we stand against each other. Each with ideologies of our own, trying to indoctrinate our fellows. Without even knowing that we have already been indoctrinated. Not our own.
I suppose that goes to show how fragile is the human mind.
A carefully planted seed, at the opportune time, is more than sufficient to change the tides. We are at war and we don't even know it. A silent war that has been festering for centuries. I fear to peer further into the future.
I don't know if I'm capable of keeping anything alive. I don't know how to care for plants, let alone for another human being. Those were my thoughts when Charles told me about the will.
I'm conflicted. Maybe, I'm overthinking.
I'm well aware that I'm not making much or any sense. I'm struggling to have coherent thoughts. I have been for a while now.
Right now, I'm my very own, personal enemy. Sadly hers, too.
I find myself dragged into a vortex of darkness. Where everything comes crashing down on us. The truth always finds a way to come to light. It has been so, since the dawn of time.
For the longest time, I thought that Koreen was my truest and only love. Recently, I've discovered that I couldn't have been more wrong.
This feels nothing like it. It's slowly taking over, engulfing, consuming me from within, and at the same time bringing me back to life.
Right now, I wish we could have had this conversation in person.
I promise that will come too. I hope you won't use all the compliments when you read this letter. Save some for when we see each other. Even though, I can already imagine what those will be.
I have digressed once more. I know she has feelings for me, she has had them for far longer than I have. I suppose all of this started because of those feelings. No sane person would put up with me otherwise. Love makes us do the strangest things. I'm guessing you will be laughing once you've read that- because that is what I said to you when you married Eric.
I hope that you will take the time to meet with me once I'm back. Hopefully, by then, I'll be able to settle some of my conflicts and find a way to make us, work. I know that the odds are against us. I'm well aware of that, but I can't stop thinking that maybe - only maybe it could be the greatest gift life has ever given me.
If that is so, then I'm the luckiest bastard alive.
I know right now, you're probably thinking that I've lost the plot completely. Maybe, I have. I don't know anymore. We are preparing to land. I've sent you something. I'm hoping it will reach you before this letter does.
I'm urging you to keep it safe. It is more valuable than it seems.
It has been far too long since we last saw each other.
Yours truly,
PS:Lately, I find myself wanting to be more like your brother. At least he gets to experience the joy of falling in love at least three times a day. And that is on a slow Monday.