For the first time, I silently grieved, my loss even though my heart ached, and every breath I took was a struggle. My throat was tight, and the dull pain in my chest, made it difficult to find any kind of comfort. I didn't care about anything else anymore. All I wanted was him.
I rolled over to my side and stared at the door, hoping he would come back. I knew that he wouldn't. His stoicism was more than enough proof that he would never go back on his decision. I didn't know why he took a different approach with me.
Slowly, I succumbed to exhaustion and slipped into a world where it was just me and no one else. I was alone. There was a certain familiarity in the scenery surrounding me. I'd been there before, but that was nothing compared to the sense of peace and calm that slowly took over me. There was no pain, or suffering. Breathing in the crisp fresh air that brushed over the immaculate white field, akin to a canvas that hadn't been touched by paint, I felt at peace with myself.
After looking around for a few moments, I moved my feet and looked down when the sound of snow crunching broke the incredible stillness, and it dawned on me, why the scenery looked so familiar. It was right before Dr Button had prescribed the medication and the memory of the monster that loomed over me came back. I didn't know how I ended up there, so I had to wait until something bad happened to wake up.
I continued walking over the snowy field, but there was nothing other than an infinite sea of white. Was I dead? I could still feel cold, and my bare feet were frozen. I couldn't be dead, I told myself. I wouldn't feel anything.
After walking for what seemed an eternity, I stopped and looked around the deserted place, worried. The lack of any sentient being in there worried me. Would I be stuck in there forever, if there was nothing to bring me back? I questioned myself and looked down when the sound of ice cracking rippled through the air. I was walking on ice. I turned around on my heels to run, but when my foot hit the ice, the ice broke and I fell through the cracks into the freezing water.
Heaving for air, frightened and almost frozen, I pushed myself up on the bed, and looked around the room, searching my surroundings for a sign that I had returned to the real world. I heaved a heavy sigh of relief, and hugged my knees, sorely regretting my decision to stop taking the medication. When my eyes fell on my hands, I noticed bleeding hairline cuts, on my forearms. There weren't many but that worried me. Whatever happened in my dreams, wasn't just a dream. It crossed the boundaries between the physical world and the dream world. Oh, no. That spelt trouble. Despite the summer heat, I was shivering under the covers. I felt the full effect of hypothermia. Wrapping myself in the covers, I laid back on the bed. A vague memory of the events that occurred two years before invaded my mind. It was so fragmented and blurred, I could bearly make any sense of it. Nevertheless, If it was there, it must've meant something.
Closing my eyes, in an attempt to fall asleep, I tried to picture the scenery in the hope that I eventually fell asleep and return, into the bare landscape.
" Lily, " I heard a soft voice trickle through the thick haze of my slumber.
Lazily, I briefly opened my eyes and saw Laira perched on a chair watching me, and Enid behind her, looking worried.
I scrunched my eyes closed and groaned when Enid giggled and placed one of Livy's famous cupcakes under my nose. I didn't go back to that place, whatever that was.
" I heard that you made the most of your freedom last night," Enid amusedly added, and sat in the bed next to me.
" Never again," I groaned, and I meant it. Every single time, we went out with Jude and Henry things ended badly.
" I see," Enid chuckled " Lesson learned, huh?" Enid's amusement at my failure added assault to injury. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anything. I just wanted to wallow in my misery. Alas, I had no such luck.
" Come, let's have some dinner. It's almost six o'clock," I raised my head at that statement. I had slept for most of the day.
Pushing myself to sit up on the bed, I looked at Laira who watched me with a pitiful eye.
" How was work?" I asked and shied my gaze away, to look at Enid instead.
" Busy, now I'm ready to go home," She sighed and stood up.
" Give me a moment, I'll put some clothes on and take you home," I said and shuffled to get out of bed. Fortunately, I felt a little bit better.
" Ah, ah," Enid tutted, " None is going anywhere without having some food first," She said as she stood up, " This is no way to treat our guests. Get dressed, we will meet in the kitchen," She made her way towards the door, and halted her steps, before opening the door. I wondered if Laira had said something to Enid. I hoped with every fiber of my being that she had kept her promise.
" How are you feeling?" Laira worriedly asked the moment Enid slipped out of the bedroom.
" Better than this morning," I mustered a smile and made my way to the chest of drawers to get dressed.
" I had breakfast with Mr Kinnaird this morning," I rolled my eyes at her remark, Mason was making waves among the female population, regardless of their age.
" How was it?" I absently asked, as I pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
" He was very polite and accommodating," Well, at least he was nice to everyone else but me, I thought and sighed.
" I also saw Louis this morning," Laira paused when I turned to her with furrowed brows. It made me wonder why would she mention Louis.
" He took me to work," She added, with a wistful smile, " I can understand why you like him," She added, and smiled when my gaze met hers. Wait. What? She thought I was referring to Louis when I mentioned it to her. I nodded, instead of correcting her. It was for the best.
" How is he?" I carried on the same path that she had laid out for me. Louis was a nice person, but he wasn't Mason. Nobody was Mason.
" He seems to be doing well," Laira replied as she followed me out of the room.
" Are you working tomorrow?" I changed the topic, not wanting to delve into the matter any longer, as we made our way through the corridors leading to the kitchen.
" No, I have a day off," Mr Kinnaird said the soup kitchen won't open for another few days. Some of the appliances have been water damaged, and they are waiting to be replaced," Laira informed, as we stepped into the kitchen.