I felt his finger brush on my cheek, catching the stray tear. I scrunched my eyes, I had been caught. I knew that not much escaped him. Mason pressed his lips on my shoulder, took a deep breath and raised his head to look at me, with furrowed brows. He kissed my cheek and rolled over to his side, scrubbing his face with both hands. The spell had been broken, before sunrise. I didn't say anything, he didn't say anything. We both sat in silence staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. I didn't know what to say, and probably nor did he. I had plenty to say, but that wasn't what we agreed upon.
I tugged on the bathrobe, covering myself. He didn't take it off. We were too caught in the moment to make it that far. Rolling onto my side, with my back towards him, I tugged on the covers and slid under it, clutching the bathrobe with both hands. Once again, I felt empty, barren. I could feel the wall breaking and the tears that it held would come pouring down like torrential rain. I didn't want to cry. I took a silent deep breath and closed my eyes. Mason didn't comfort me this time around. He was done with me.
I felt the bed dip and the sound of footsteps walking around the bed. I closed my eyes when Mason walked over to my side and picked up his clothes off the floor. The sound of the door opening and closing, was the last drop, breaking the wall.
I sobbed like a child, inconsolable, hugging myself and the covers trying to find some comfort. I felt broken, I was broken. I loved him with all my heart. I was alone in it.
The birds chirping outside and the bright light that seeped through the curtains woke me up. For the first time since I could remember, I didn't have it me to crawl out of bed or face Mason.
I glanced at the clock, it was almost noon. Rolling on my back, I stared at the ceiling hoping to find enough strength to deal with all of it. Now, I had to pack and I didn't have much time to wallow in my own misery.
With a heavy heart, I sluggishly rolled out of bed and winced at the sharp pain between my legs. I needed a shower. Padding across the floor, and making my way to the bathroom, I glanced at the tossed bed and sighed. It was a reminder of what we did the night before.
I turned on the shower, feeling just as empty and broken as I did when I cried myself to sleep.
I stepped inside the shower, hoping that the water would wash away some of my heartbreak. The feel of warm water caressing my skin was somewhat helpful until I closed my eyes and everything came rushing down. His touch, his voice, I brushed my lips with the tip of my fingers, and I could still feel the softness of his kisses.
That broke me in more ways than one and I let myself slide down on the wall, my tears washed away with the water, and I cried my eyes out again.
I tilted my head back, letting the drops of water hit my face, trying to come to terms with the new reality. It was a mistake, and there was no way I could go back on it.
With little to no will, I pushed myself off the floor and turned the tap off, and stepped out of the shower. I couldn't hide forever in the room. I had things to do.
Wrapping my hair in a towel, I dried myself and stepped in front of the mirror. The puffy red-rimmed eyes that stared back at me, were dull, pained. I took a deep breath and splashed some cold water on my face. I knew it wouldn't do much but I hoped that Mason would be gone by now and he wouldn't see me looking like a ghost.
I slowly pulled on a pair of trousers, there was no way I could wear jeans, so I settled for that. I ached in places that I didn't even know existed up until that day. I pulled on a t-shirt, I was in no mood to put a bra on. Most days it was just me and Enid around the house, and I didn't bother to wear any.
Reaching for the doorknob, I took one last deep breath before stepping out of the room. It was time to face the music.
I froze in the doorway when my eyes fell on Mason seating at the table, eating lunch and Enid was having a cup of coffee.
Enid frowned " Heavens. You don't look too well" Enid worriedly said as she pushed the chair to stand up.
Mason's brows furrowed and locked eyes with me. There was no turning back now. I wanted the ground to swallow me right then and there.
I mustered a smile " I didn't sleep very well last night" I meekly said and moved my feet towards the counter.
" Are you having nightmares again? I'll call Dr Button. He can come and see you." Enid said as she swivelled in her chair following me with her eyes as I walked around her to the table.
" That won't be necessary. I'm seeing him later today. I will speak with him about it," Mason interjected, just as cold as before. Like nothing happened and that was another stab to my already dying heart.
" Thank you" I mumbled and took a spoonful of the casserole that Enid had prepared.
" Always, Miss Abernathy " My heart dropped into my stomach, I froze mid-bite and locked eyes with him. Luckily, I was sitting, otherwise I would have collapsed to the floor.
Mason looked down, for a second time since I've known him, his gaze shied away from mine.