Last time, he left my house without a goodbye, and I felt it wasn't wrong for him, after all, he cannot be friendly to me all the time, in front of our parents as it may give them some wrong ideas.
However, three months later, during summer, he came again with his sister this time, she had passed her intermediate and was now preparing for college, and for the same, she visited L City to take an exam.
"Long time no sees!" His sister greeted me with a hug.
I was too excited to see her again, we talked all night, and while we lay beside each other, she asked me, "Do you like someone?"
That question came out of thin air, I was never prepared for it, nobody had ever asked me that question before, as ugly as I could be, I never imagined that someone would ever consider me a girl with feelings and emotions.
"I dare not, I cannot," I replied, holding back my tears, as I felt the bulging fat on my body, "and I don't," I lied in the second part of the speech.
"Why don't you dare? Why can't you? You are a nice pretty girl," she tried to cheer me up, maybe she knew what I was thinking about.
"I am not, I am so chubby and ugly, but it's okay for me, don't worry," I tried to assure her that I was okay.
"Beauty is inside," she spoke earnestly, and that was my first time hearing about the term 'inner beauty'.
"I have never seen a good heart like you have," she continued, at that time I had not realized what impact those words had on me, I could only think that she was comforting me.
Under the noise of the cooler fan, I could hear my heart race against my chest when she spoke, "However, I can see your eyes are full of love."
Her extraordinary tone and serious voice sent chills down my heart, I felt goosebumps, and I trembled as my eyes fell upon her face staring at the ceiling fan.
"You must be joking; I don't have such a thing." I tried to explain, but she closed her eyes trying to ignore my words.
"You know what? You can always lose weight once you recover; I can see that you don't eat much, your body is all swelled up and bloated, and you have no energy that a healthy eating person should have.
You are so weak and delicate, it's a judgmental society, and they don't know the truth.
You always have a chance to beautify your body, but your heart of gold can never be tainted. All these years passed and you have grown up, matured in a way, but your heart remained the same," she lectured me, and it was my first time hearing someone say that.
People always thought and they still do, that my obese body was a result of my gluttonous habit, uncontrollable eating. She was the first one to understand me, I was always stressed out because of my sickly body and dropping grades, which resulted in my increasing weight, and decreasing confidence.
I don't know when I fell asleep, but the next day when I came back from my extra class, I was told that I should go and hang out with Zaid's sister, and I was already prepared, waiting for her to come back from her exam and take me.
She had always wanted to visit some places in the L City with me, however, I was sick most of the time and never got a chance. It was a perfect time to enjoy some time with her.
Just as I opened the door of the car, I found Zaid's sister waiting for me with a huge smile on her face, I got in and took a deep breath.
"How was your exam?" I asked her, passing the same smile to her.
"It was good," she replied, her brightness toning down a little.
"I guess it was so good that she is going to the QQ park to meet her friends and brag about her achievements again," a familiar voice reached my ear.
I froze and looked in that tiny mirror inside the car, those same emotionless brown eyes stealing glances at me. To my surprise, he was driving the car.
"How come you are driving it? Why are there no adults here?" I panicked.
"Relax, he has his driving license, this automatic car is made for sixteen years old," his sister calmed me down.
"And as for an adult, my sister turned eighteen last month," he added with a smirk on his face.
I spoke no further; I was afraid I might distract him and he would take my life away in an accident. However, my mind repeated Zaid's words, "Going to QQ park to meet her friends."
"So, on the pretext of hanging out with me, she was going there to meet her friends, what was I even thinking? That someone would give me such importance," I thought to myself.
Disappointed in my existence, I don't know why but I felt insulted. As we reached there, Zaid left to park the car after dropping us off. She and I ran around that evening searching for her friends, who claimed to have reached the park on the phone.
"I can't walk anymore," I spoke, gasping, giving up, I sat beside the artificial lake, holding my stomach.
The pain of cramps, pulling and pushing, contracting involuntarily, making it unbearable for me to even stand straight. Screaming out loud, announcing the entry of periods.
What a worst day it was, if I had to get out of the park, I had to walk no less than a mile to reach the exit. As you must be thinking, it was one of the biggest parks ever built in L City.
My usual mood swings hiked up, as I was starving in the setting sun, it was livelier in the evening of the summer. I stood there, as his sister found her friends, who seemed to be returning after hanging out all the while we looked for them.
Two hours? was it? It was far more than enough for a group of young adults to meet just for the sake of fun.
His sister tried to talk to them and hang out with them, but they simply didn't pay attention to her and after exchanging greetings they hardly spared her a glance, I could see she was embarrassed and ashamed in front of me.
Though I pretended not to have witnessed such a thing, it was true I saw more than the eyes meet. However, I felt more humiliated than her, more stupid than she was.
I planned to spend time with her while she would have abandoned me and gone with her friends for an hour or more, I wondered, what would I have done, if her friends genuinely cared for her and taken her with them.
It would have been me, the girl who just tagged along, a girl with no friends or dignity. I may sound cruel again, but I thanked God for having mercy on me.
I was insulted by this unspeakable behavior and humiliated by this indescribable act, but I tried to find something good in the disaster. She got what she tried to give me.
I don't hate her at all though, I truly don't, because I was never considered a person with feelings.
We went on a long trip on the highway, and as we witnessed the beautiful town from above, we talked about a lot of things, and once again I jokingly said, "I wondered if Zaid could teach me how to drive."
"Why not? Next time when I come, I surely will," he promised again, it thrilled me, I was overwhelmed to get another promise. I don't know why it made me so happy.
Maybe because, I didn't know, promises are empty words, said as an excuse and used as a weapon. To hurt the close ones and to attack them, leaving the victim miserably mad, who spends their time thinking about nonsense.
Like, was I not worth his trust, time, and love? Was I not enough for him? What was there in me that made him act that way? Was it my fault? Were his words nothing but a huge sweet lie?
Does he not like me? then who does he like? She must be of his league, unlike me, a wild dandelion. How can I be so stupid as to think that he was honest with me?
Such questions did cross my mind when I knew my story had no end, it was left half-written by him and fate.
Once again, I was blinded by the butterflies that roamed in my tummy and praised him endlessly in my heart, however, my soul knew something was off, and other promises were added to the list.
The third and the last promise that kept me waiting for him, longing for him, yearning for the moment when those promises would be fulfilled.