Around eight, we get ready and head to the bar. Gwen still hasn't come home by the time we leave, which probably means she's out for the night. Everest ends up picking somewhere cheap. I would guess that's because he's planning to drink a lot. I'm probably going to end up drinking a lot too, but hopefully, it doesn't go down like last time.
I want this to be a fun night. Everest needs it and honestly, I need it too. I don't want to drag him down. He said he wants to drink with me, so I'll try to keep up.
We head inside and Everest immediately orders for the both of us. Beer. Nothing fancy. After we down our drinks, he orders chicken wings. We probably should have done that first because that single beer already made me feel a bit funny. Everest asks me about school and I know he's probably just trying to distract himself, but I don't mind. I'll help keep him distracted. I'll tell him about my boring courses.
"That's cool," he says half-heartedly.
"Not really," I respond with a little smile.
He chuckles. "Yeah, not really. Fuck, I'm so glad I'm not in school anymore."
"Yeah…" I nod slowly. "Sometimes I don't even know how I made it to senior year."
Everest laughs at that. "Yeah, you do," he takes a swig of his beer. "Your mom would make you move home in a heartbeat if you dropped out."
Ugh. He's right about that, which makes my stomach sink. I hope my mom doesn't try to convince me to go back to Little Falls after graduation. There's a lot of reasons I don't want to. There's a lot of reasons I can't.
"You're lucky your parents were so cool with you moving out here," I decide to say.
"Yeah, well," he shrugs. "They still have their hands full with all my siblings. Plus, I think they knew it'd be good for me."
"It was good for you.
"I think so. I needed to get away."
"Yeah, me too," I admit.
Leaving home was as good for me as it was for him. I wanted to get away from my mom for a while, as bad as that sounds. I wanted to be sure that I could be independent and take care of myself. She kept me sheltered. There were so many things I needed to learn how to do. I needed to learn how to take care of myself and I did. For the most part, at least.
I grab a chicken wing, then another, and another. I don't want to get drunk any time soon. I want to take things slow tonight. We keep working on our food and after not too long Everest orders us a second round of drinks. This time he goes for cocktails, which makes sense because he did say he wanted to get messed up.
"I can't believe what a wreck today has been," he says after he finally has his drink in hand. "I can't believe what a wreck...this whole thing has been."
"This whole thing?" I ask.
"Yeah, this whole thing with like, dating Gwen," he scoffs.
Wow. There it is.
I knew Everest wasn't happy, I just wish he would have done something about it sooner. Maybe he felt trapped. Maybe Gwen made him feel like he couldn't leave.
"I didn't realize you guys were having so many problems," I say, trying my best to feign innocence.
"Pfff," he makes a disgruntled face. "Yeah, you did."
I smile sheepishly. "Okay, yeah, I did… I just didn't want to put my nose where it didn't belong… and, I mean, it's not like you really talked to me about it."
He shrugs. "I guess I didn't want to admit anything was wrong… but everything was. The whole thing was fucked up to the max."
I wrinkle my nose. "I'm sorry, man, you deserve way better than her."
"Eh…"
"She sucks," I declare bluntly.
"Yeah, she's pretty shitty."
"You're way better than she is," I add.
I wish he'd realize it. He can't settle. If he does, he'll never be happy.
"You haven't really dated anyone in college, huh?" Everest sticks his nose in his drink. "No one since high school?"
"Yeah, I wanted to focus on academics," I justify. "I haven't had time to meet people. It's hard at a big school like UofM."
Everest keeps watching me and I can feel myself starting to sweat. Jeez. I didn't know I was going to get put on the spot like this tonight.
"Do you keep in touch with Julie at all?" he asks suddenly.
"Um," I feel my stomach drop. "No, not really?"
Julie was my high school sweetheart. We started dating at the end of freshman year and broke up the summer before I moved away for college. I didn't feel like there was any reason to keep contacting her. That would have just made things harder.
"We hung out sometimes after you left," Everest reveals. "Not in a weird way. Just in a friendly way."
"Oh," I murmur. "How...is she?"
"She's okay," Everest says vaguely.
"Yeah?" I ask.
"She was pretty heartbroken after you dumped her and left," he adds.
Why does he have to say it like that?
"Yeah…" I mumble.
I feel bad, but there wasn't any point in continuing the relationship. We weren't going to last. I already knew that.
"I think she expected you guys to try long distance," Everest continues. "I mean, hell, we were all shocked when you guys broke up. You were dating for four years. That's a damn long time. It's a lot to throw away."
I pause, not really sure what to say. "Well, I don't know. It's complicated. Just because we dated for a long time...that doesn't mean I had to be with her forever."
"I know that, man. I'm just saying people were surprised is all."
I press my lips into a thin line. I need to be way drunker if he wants me to talk about this. Julie and I might have seemed perfect from the outside, but that's because our relationship had no substance. We were cute together, I guess. That's what people told us anyway. I played football and hockey and she was a cheerleader. We fulfilled the stereotypes that everyone in our town wanted us to fulfill. Honestly, if I had stayed there we'd probably be married by now. We'd be married and I'd be miserable.
When we were dating I felt awful. Julie was nice and even though we were close friends, I could never give her what she wanted. I felt guilty and awkward the whole time. When we'd go out I'd avoid holding her hand or kissing her. I always told her it was because I wasn't into PDA, but I think she probably knew it was more than that because I wasn't any more affectionate in private.
"I'm not trying to give you a hard time or anything," Everest reassures me. "I get why you wanted to leave. I seriously do. It was just kind of sudden is all."
I know he gets it. He wanted out of there as badly as I did, maybe even more. I just don't think he understands why I had to go.
I take a long sip of my drink, trying to come up with some sort of response, but nothing good is coming to mind. All I muster up is, "Yeah…"
Everest raises an eyebrow at me, but he doesn't press. Instead, he takes a sip of his own drink. When we're done, he orders another round. I know this isn't going to be the end of the conversation. He'll bring it up again one of these days. Maybe even tonight. Maybe when we're both trashed.
"So, no new girl?" he asks.
"No, no new girl."
It's never going to happen. I don't even want it to happen. I guess that makes me kind of abnormal.
"That's good I guess," Everest says with a chuckle, changing the tone of the conversation. "I'd be mad if there was and I hadn't heard about it."
I match his laugh, but it comes out forced and awkward.
I think Everest can tell that I don't really want to talk about it anymore because he drops it. We keep working on our food and eventually when I reach the bottom of my glass, Everest tells me he'll be right back.
"Okay, be fast," I tell him. "The bartender's going to see we finished our drinks and come ask if we want more. I don't know how to order."
"Just tell him more of the same," Everest smirks. "It'll be good practice for you."
I make a face and Everest chuckles, walking off.