Talking to women makes me nervous because I'm worried they'll want to get with me. That probably sounds vain, but I'm just worried. I want friends, sure, but I never know what to do. I try to go with the flow, but I'm so uptight lately. I'm growing up and I'm expected to graduate, find work, get a girlfriend, get married, have kids… but I don't even want all of those things.
"Hey," Everest says a second later, elbow on the counter and cheek pushed into the palm of his hand. "You're spacin' out on me again man."
I snap back to reality.
"Sorry."
"S'fine," he keeps staring at me with his eyes half-lidded. "You good? Should we call it a night?"
"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good," I agree, reaching towards my pocket for my wallet.
When I pull it out, Everest grabs my arm. It's like an electric shock through my entire body.
"I've got this," he assures me, fingers tight around my bicep.
"Oh," I mumble. "You sure?"
"Yeah'm sure," he insists, letting go of me and fishing a couple of twenties out of his own wallet.
I decide not to fight him on it since I don't really have the money to be buying this much alcohol anyway. I go to get up and put on my jacket, but when I stand up from the barstool I nearly topple over.
Jeez! I didn't realize I was this drunk.
"Easy," Everest says.
After paying, Everest orders an Uber. He probably thinks I'm silly for always using taxis, but I just think they're cool. Everest chats with the driver and thanks him for the ride when we're home.
"You didn't have to pay for everything," I tell him.
"It's cool, man, I don't mind."
"I'll pay next time," I assure him.
"I know you're good for it," he says with a grin.
He helps me inside and we kick off our shoes, immediately heading to the kitchen for water.
"What do you feel like doing now?" Everest asks.
Honestly, I feel like passing out.
"Whatever you want," I reply.
"Movie?" he suggests.
"Sure."
"You can go pick one," Everest says. "I'm gonna get changed real quick."
I bob my head and follow him through the house to the living room. As Everest disappears down the hallway, I pick up the remote and put on Netflix. My head's spinning, so I settle quickly on what seems like a low-key comedy. Then I turn towards the couch and plop down.
Ugh, I want to be able to spread out more than this. Should I pull out the sofa bed? I think that'd be nice, but I need help. Everest returns from his bedroom, wavering a little bit. He probably wants to lie down as badly as I do.
"Hey man," I say, forcing myself up. "Want to pull out the bed?"
"Sure," he mumbles, looking already half asleep.
So, we do. Everest grabs a couple of blankets from the linen closet and hands them to me before lying down. We watch the movie in silence and our shoulders keep bumping. I don't think he even notices, but I notice. Of course I notice. Every time he touches me my brain automatically comes up with this elaborate fantasy of what my life with him could be like…but that's all it is. A fantasy. It won't ever be real.
Things are quiet for a while until Everest decides to break the silence.
"Ian?" he says my name in a soft, groggy tone.
"Yeah?" I ask, glancing over at him. He doesn't look at me. He looks straight ahead at the TV. I watch as the screen light shines on his face.
"Why did you ditch me to move here?"
The question is sudden, yet expected.
"You barely said a word to me before leaving," he continues. "That was...just kind of hard on me."
I swallow harshly, feeling like total garbage.
"I didn't know," I whisper.
He shrugs and finally turns to look at me. "So, why'd you do it?"
What do I tell him? I can't give him the truth.
"I hated it there," I justify weakly.
"Yeah, I hated it too," Everest frowns. "It fucking sucked."
Ugh, I don't know what to say. I know he did. I get it. I really do.
When it comes down to it, I don't have any excuse. Not one I can share. Everest turns his body towards mine and puts an arm over the back of the couch, staring me down and obviously expecting some sort of answer.
"I don't...know," I mumble. "I don't want to talk about this."
Surprisingly, Everest seems to accept that. He nods slowly and then shifts his attention back to the movie. He doesn't even seem mad, just kind of resigned.
He's the best. No wonder I'm so into him. He might still bring it up again later, but this will give me time to come up with some sort of answer. A lie that isn't quite a lie.
"Thanks," I mumble, trying not to feel bad.
"Whatever, man. When you're ready."
He's so understanding. He doesn't have to be. I'm lucky.
We go back to watching the movie. We're quiet and our shoulders continue to touch, but I try not to think about it. About halfway through I feel myself start fading. It's getting difficult to keep my eyes open. I should shut off the TV and go to bed but I don't want to ruin this. I want to keep sitting here with him.
I'll be fine if I just rest my eyes for a second. Even if I do fall asleep, Everest will wake me up when I start snoring in his ear.